# What to do if your kid is a psychopath? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 30, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617 "2006-07-30T22:25:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LeftFootRightFoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@LeftFootRightFoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeftFootRightFoot)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/1 "2006-07-30T22:25:09Z")
Psychopaths being a person with a total lack of ethics, morality, guilt, remorse, empathy, all that good stuff that makes us who we are. They light kitten tails on fire and have very poor judgement skills. What would you do with a child that you loved very dearly, but was 100% proven to be a psychopath. The circumstances weren’t in a lab or anything with expert guidance, one day you just knew that your kid was one. What would you do about it? Or what have any of you done with such a monstrous child? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/2 "2006-07-30T22:48:01Z")
I’d give her an overdose of sleeping pills (telling her that “they’re special vitamins, Rhoda”), then shoot myself. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/3 "2006-07-30T22:59:11Z")
Get the kid to a shrink, & then get him committed. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/4 "2006-07-30T23:44:53Z")
I’d talk to a real child psychologist before I jumped to any conclusions. I grew up with plenty of kids that wanted to tire firecrackers to the tails of stray cats and who had poor impulse control and even worse judgment. They all grew out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/5 "2006-07-30T23:46:28Z")
I’d talk to a real child psychologist before I jumped to any conclusions. I grew up with plenty of kids that wanted to tie firecrackers to the tails of stray cats and who had poor impulse control and even worse judgment. They all grew out of it. [QUOTE=LeftFootRightFoot] Psychopaths being a person with a total lack of ethics, morality, guilt, remorse, empathy, all that good stuff that makes us who we are. They light kitten tails on fire and have very poor judgement skills. What would you do with a child that you loved very dearly, but was 100% proven to be a psychopath. The circumstances weren’t in a lab or anything with expert guidance, one day you just knew that your kid was one. What would you do about it? Or what have any of you done with such a monstrous child? [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2006, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/6 "2006-07-30T23:58:52Z")
Not all psychopaths light kitten tails on fire, actually. There are some living in society, incognito if you will. Those who have to interact with the person on a daily basis could tell you the person is horrid, but to a stranger, they seem perfectly normal. Read up on “serial bullying” at [this](http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm) site to see what I mean, it lists the traits that “successful” sociopaths display under the “sociopath” section. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/7 "2006-07-31T00:02:56Z")
Most lay people don’t “just know” that someone is a true psychopath. My first step would be to take him to a good psychiatrist, have testing, and establish a diagnosis. If after all of that, it was determined that he was, indeed, a psychopath, and that no medication or therapy could help him, I’d stand by him. As his mother, it would be my job to love him unconditionally and accept him for who he was. If he acted out, being hurtful to others, committing crimes, etc., I wouldn’t necessarily allow him to be physically in my life, but I would still love and support him emotionally from afar. A couple of years ago, Marilyn Vos Savant, in her column was asked if she would love her child (if she had any, which she doesn’t) if he turned out to be a murderer or something to that affect. She replied that she would not. IIRC, she was flamed pretty hard for that. My take on that whole thing was that even a genius can be emotionally retarded, but that was just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/8 "2006-07-31T00:17:15Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] Get the kid to a shrink, & then get him committed. [/QUOTE] But once you’ve got the shrink committed, who’s going to work with the kid? ---
**Author:** ![psychloan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4bbf92/32.png) [@psychloan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychloan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/9 "2006-07-31T00:17:29Z")
I would have the child committed ASAP. Better that then jail or the morgue, which is where he would most likely end up, but not before he’s harmed a lot of other lives. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/10 "2006-07-31T01:19:18Z")
I had a kid in my house that was a diagnosed sociopath. He was under treatment and somewhat under control. He got out of control at age 14 & the courts joined in. They determined that it was my wife & my fault, sent us to parenting classes, put him in a county program for abused youths & sent me a bill for $35,000. Then when that did not “fix him”, they got his maternal grandparents to buy into the “poor abused child” theory & sent him to live there - coincidentally outside of their jurisdiction so they could write him off. For the sake of the other children in our house, we did the same as the court. Hurts me to this day. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/11 "2006-07-31T02:52:03Z")
[QUOTE=ASAKMOTSD] They determined that it was my wife & my fault, sent us to parenting classes, put him in a county program for abused youths & sent me a bill for $35,000. [/QUOTE] Please tell me you fought this bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/12 "2006-07-31T04:22:50Z")
Is it possible to **cure** psychopaths? ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/13 "2006-07-31T05:45:24Z")
I remember that I read once that some psychologists say if you can catch pyschopathy early enough, you can tailor your parenting in such a way as to help the kid become a good, productive psychopath. Something like: You can’t give him a genuine conscience, but you can habituate him into pretending to have one so well he’ll keep pretending even when no one’s around. That’s all I got, sorry. -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/14 "2006-07-31T06:09:57Z")
I’d shake my head and say, “Damn, I shoulda pulled out.” Then, I’d seek a diagnosis from a professional or call the cops and/or seek advice from others depending on the severity of the heinous acts. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/15 "2006-07-31T06:14:18Z")
I recently read a fairly new book, _The sociopath next door_, by Martha Stout. It had a lot of this information, if anyone wants to read it. A couple of things I gleaned from the book: Most people don’t recognize sociopaths. They are generally good actors and often have charisma. It takes quite some time for most people to figure it out. Also, it isn’t incredibly uncommon. You probably know one or two. You can’t just have a sociopath committed. Sociopath != always dangerously violent. Not all sociopaths look for their entertainment in violence; often, they’re just very manipulative. Since sociopaths don’t really recognize that there is something wrong with them–they are just missing a conscience and an ability to love–they aren’t very easy to treat at all. They often think that everyone else is puzzlingly stupid and cannot understand the energy the rest of us spend on responsibilities and relationships. Therapy is therefore very difficult indeed. They are chronically bored. Much of the manipulation or violence they engage in is for entertainment and excitement (when it’s not calculated for personal gain). It does seem to be possible to ‘train’ a pseudo-conscience into some sociopaths from childhood. This is far more common in cultures which place high importance on group responsibility and which openly condemn selfishness–actions which will result in gain to an American will result in calumny for an Indian, for example. In these cases, sociopaths don’t _feel_ responsibility, but ‘know’ it intellectually, and will act accordingly because their culture demands it. ---
**Author:** ![bluezooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@bluezooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluezooky)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/16 "2006-07-31T08:17:43Z")
“Since sociopaths don’t really recognize that there is something wrong with them–they are just missing a conscience and an ability to love–they aren’t very easy to treat at all. They often think that everyone else is puzzlingly stupid and cannot understand the energy the rest of us spend on responsibilities and relationships. Therapy is therefore very difficult indeed.” I know someone who fits this profile , he claims to have never felt love, said fear is not a human emotion. He just happens to be the head of a very large religious organisation, someone being a bit strange doesn’t make you inherently dangerous, personally I don’t believe in perfection on earth everyone’s a bit strange in someway. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/17 "2006-07-31T10:31:22Z")
If I had some sort of epiphanic realization that my child was a sociopath, the first thing I’d do (after hiding the sharp objects), is to take \*myself \* to a psychiatrist to be evaluated. If someone decides their child is the devil, we’d instantly see that as pathological. But a more secular person might fixate on the belief that their child is a sociopath, maybe the next Charles Manson. That belief could be every bit as delusional. Particularly the part about it being “100% proven” (but not in a lab), makes me think delusion. Delusions are pathological not just because they’re wrong or strange, but more importantly because \*the certainty attached to them \* is pathological. The deluded are 100% certain they’re right. Not 90%, not 99% – but _100%_. And this is all about certainty. Or more to the point, the impossibility of being certain what’s going to happen to any child. Technically speaking, a child can’t even be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (the diagnosis of a sociopath), because the personality is too much in flux before adulthood to make that kind of prediciton. He can be diagnosed with a conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder - pediatric diagnoses that tend to correlate with adult antisocial personality disorder. They don’t always, but often. But NOBODY can tell you this for certain. But what if, in the end, he does turn out to to be a sociopath? Some sociopaths may be violent adults, but it’s my understanding that many don’t and some can even be amazingly productive and successful. I’ve known two people in my life who I suspect were that kind of sociopath - one of whom I liked a great deal. He was not somebody to trust with your feelings or your finances, but he was bright, effective, charming and interesting, and he had a place in this world. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/18 "2006-07-31T13:29:10Z")
Has anyone read Jeff Lindsay’s “Dexter” novels? A psycho/sociopathic young man who was trained by his adoptive father, a policeman, to focus his homicidal tendencies on those who need killing- so now he works in a crime lab by day & serial kills serial-killers by night. Now, I haven’t read them, but I do wonder how possible such a scenario might be. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/19 "2006-07-31T13:53:28Z")
[QUOTE=bluezooky] I know someone who fits this profile , he claims to have never felt love, said fear is not a human emotion. He just happens to be the head of a very large religious organisation, someone being a bit strange doesn’t make you inherently dangerous, personally I don’t believe in perfection on earth everyone’s a bit strange in someway. [/QUOTE] :eek: A sociopath at the head of a large religious organization sounds pretty dangerous to **me!** ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2006, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617/20 "2006-07-31T13:54:49Z")
What makes a psychopath a psychopath? Is it genetic or environmental factors or a combination? Does anybody know? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-if-your-kid-is-a-psychopath/366617.md?page=2)