This. Jamie oliver has a wonderful recipethat puts a mix of butter, prosciutto, thyme and lemon zest between breast and skin, and stuffs the cavity with the zested lemons.
Make a chicken rub, then rub the bird over and under the skin. Stick a can of beer/sprite/7-up inside the chicken’s cavity, stand him up, and cook her vertically on the grill with indirect heat and smoke. Serve with roast sweet potatoes with a maple-chipotle glaze.
Remake part of the “Sledgehammer” video? 
(For those who aren’t familiar with the video, relevant part starts at 3:19)
with the next bird, roast it with a rub. I do a wet rub with 1 T minced garlic, 1 T kosher salt, 1 T chopped herbs (I mostly use lemon thyme or oragano but there are lots of fresh herbs that will work), and the zest of one lemon. Mix them all together. Loosen the skin of the chicken and rub the lemon/herb/salt mix directly on the chicken meat itself under the skin. Rub that baby all over. Then stuff it with the lemon cut in half. I roast using ATK’s method. It’s a 40 minute roast at 350 with 1 cup of water in the bottom of the roasting pan followed by a 20 minute roast at 425 to crisp the skin and finish the bird off. (Going from memory here, you might want to look the times and temps up.) My roasting pan will fit two birds, so I will often do a spare for chicken salad or soup later in the week.
Beer-butt chicken (per standingwave’s cite in the post above) is delicious and very juicy, but it’s for the grill (so far as I’m aware), and the OP specific says no grilling.
Did you make one of the recipes in this thread? If so, how did it turn out?
I made this for my kids, they couldn’t stop laughing. Despite the comical value, it was quite tasty.
Probably too late to help furt with his first chicken, but since there is still one in the freezer I’ll go ahead and mention this since no one else has yet.
If you are going to roast a chicken, do yourself a favor and learn how to truss it (otherwise it’s going to be all splayed out, looking like the tacky emblem on the hood of the old Pontiac Trans Am that Burt Reynolds drove in ‘Smokey and the Bandit’, and trust me, once you start thinking about that your dinner will be ruined).
Google ‘Alton Brown how to truss a chicken’ and you’ll find a video on how to do it. You want to watch it, you’ll get frustrated if you try to wing it on your own.
Shave its belly with a rusty razor?
How about roasting it, then pulling off all of the meat, shredding it, and freezing it?
Later, defrost some, toss with barbecue sauce, microwave, and place in a bun - voila, BBQ Chicken Sandwiches.
Huh, this thread has the same title of this zombie.