# What to do with that "other arm" in bed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 16, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451 "2002-05-16T21:42:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/1 "2002-05-16T21:42:44Z")
Okay, this is a bit of a strange question. I hope you can see what I mean. When I’m laying side by side with my partner in bed (“spooning”), and my upper arm is around them - I’m always unsure what to do with my lower arm (the one closer to the bed, i.e. my left arm if I’m laying on my left side). If I put it up by my head and lay on it, I lose circulation and get a “dead arm”. Same thing if I stretch my arm out under my partner. I can’t seem to find a comfortable place to put that arm - it’s like I need a big hole in the bed so I can poke my arm though it. I know there’s plenty of scope for inuendo here, but I’m genuinely curious - what do other people do ?! ---
**Author:** ![sandalfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@sandalfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandalfeet)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/2 "2002-05-16T22:01:29Z")
i curl it under my head like a pillow. either that or i put enough space between our upper bodies so i can have my arm comfortably in front of me, that way, your lower body can be just as close. my favorite sleeping postion is when my SO lays on his back and puts an arm around my shoulders while i snuggle into his chest. ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/3 "2002-05-16T23:44:06Z")
Put the spare arm in the crook of her neck. It helps support their neck and you don’t get dead-arm syndrome. Except that of course, when you roll over, you yank her neck with you. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/4 "2002-05-16T23:54:38Z")
I usually sleep with one hand under my head (keeps my fingers warm) and the other around leechboy. So what if I’m elbowing him in the back all night 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/5 "2002-05-16T23:58:47Z")
“OK then. None of these guys murdered my wife.” Richard Kimball - The Fugitive ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/6 "2002-05-17T00:19:59Z")
Folded in front of me. We’ve tried all the other positions, and nothing else is as comfortable. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/7 "2002-05-17T01:11:10Z")
I’ve tried it with my arm folded in front of me too, and even folder sort of along my back - both feel pretty strange but at least avoid the dreaded “dead arm syndrome” 🙂 I tend to thrash around a bit in my sleep so putting my “spare” arm under her neck is definitely not a good idea. Even when I put it under my pillow or her pillow, I eventually get a numb arm. I sometimes wish it was detachable and I could just leave it in the bedside cabinet. sandalfeet - I like to sleep on my back and have my SO snuggle into my chest, but she doesn’t like that as much as the “spoon” position so I’ve tried to find a compromise…it’s just the arm thing that gets me! ---
**Author:** ![Squish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Squish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squish)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/8 "2002-05-17T02:41:22Z")
Luckily I’m a good bit shorter than my boyfriend, so when we’re spooning his free arm extends along the pillows above my head. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/9 "2002-05-17T04:01:36Z")
If my head is on his shoulder with his arm curled around me, I lie with my lower arm bent at the elbow and my hand sort of hugging my waist. If I am spooning with my front to his back, I put my arm under his pillow. Whatever position, I always sleep with my hand under my face. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/10 "2002-05-17T04:10:50Z")
I don’t know, mostly because the one person I’ve had a relationship never _slept_ with me. But I think I’d put it under my head. That’s pretty close to how I lie normally. ---
**Author:** ![Trancey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Trancey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancey)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/11 "2002-05-17T14:42:49Z")
i slept in bed with my ex bf, i had my head on his chest with his arm under my neck i woke up in the morning in a full headlock and couldnt free myself and this guy has to be the heaviest sleeper ive ever known so i had to stay like that for a good 3 hours ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/12 "2002-05-17T15:41:51Z")
I put it under her pillows, under her neck and leave it there for hours. It never goes to sleep. So what do you do with the extra arm when you’re laying on your sides facing each other? The “top” arms can go anywhere, but there’s only room at the top for one of the “bottom” arms, and I don’t like having to stay a (folded) arms width apart. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/13 "2002-05-19T06:55:36Z")
whatever position she pushes it into usually works for me, but the crook of her neck is normal, I just tell her when I need to move and even though she never wakes up she does lift her head so I can get free. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2002, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/14 "2002-11-24T00:25:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cornflakes \* > \*\*I So what do you do with the extra arm when you’re laying on your sides facing each other? The “top” arms can go anywhere, but there’s only room at the top for one of the “bottom” arms, and I don’t like having to stay a (folded) arms width apart. \*\* I would LOVE to get an answer for this. peace, ~mixie ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-to-do-with-that-other-arm-in-bed/109451/15 "2002-11-24T03:13:31Z")
What?! You don’t have a hole in the bed for that? Even after Garrison Keillor did all those spots for “Sleep Cavity” beds? Show 'em a smilie awready! I nearly typed “slimie.” 🙂 –Nott