# What type of animal could you take on **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332 "2002-11-18T17:25:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/1 "2002-11-18T17:25:22Z")
This question popped up with a bunch of friends, so here is the situation: Steel cage match, you against an animal, no weapon, last one standing wins, how high up the food chain can you go? I figure I could take on an ostrich, gazelle, goat, bobcat & wombat. Not all at once mind you, the fights would be ugly but I think I could take em on. I know I couldn’t beat a cow, lion, any large animal of the primate family, zebra, or panda. Now before you get your panties in an uproar no animals are hurt in this poll. Household pets are a given, but in numbers I think it would be kinda hard to beat 5 otters. So throw down a smack down, what could you beat, what would be too hard, do you think I’m a sissy for not being able to take on a panda? ---
**Author:** ![simple\_homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@simple\_homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simple_homer)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/2 "2002-11-18T17:31:02Z")
I would take on a hamster or a gerbil, but only one at a time… ---
**Author:** ![Zorro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ad7895/32.png) [@Zorro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zorro)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/3 "2002-11-18T17:44:31Z")
Last time I tried to have this thread it was shut down. But then I had used somewhat more sensationalist wording. You are indeed a sissy for not believing in your ability to give a panda a damned good kicking. They can’t be bothered to eat, they can’t be bothered to mate. I’m pretty sure that it couldn’t be bothered to fight back either. Bastards. ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Guest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@Second\_Guest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Guest)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/4 "2002-11-18T17:48:18Z")
Theoretically, I’d like to think I could handle any mammal up to 100 pounds or so. In reality, I’m afraid to go into my chickens’ pen unless I’m armed with a garden hose with the nozzle set on “jet”. They’re small and incredibly stupid, but they can do serious damage with those sharp little beaks. I did take on a mouse recently. Caught him and released him to the fields without incident. It was a proud moment for me. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/5 "2002-11-18T17:54:30Z")
Goldfish. I could beat a goldfish in a fair fight. I could also probably beat turtles, worms, ducks and humming birds. I would get my ass handed to me by monkeys, any bird larger then a humming bird and boa constrictors. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/6 "2002-11-18T18:00:16Z")
I really do not like the idea of going up against a 100 pound predator mammel, this could include some significantly large cats, and a 100 pound baboon would be very bad news indeed. **Second Guest** you’re a braver person than I, even if you survive the encounter you will have some very permanent modifications. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/7 "2002-11-18T18:09:31Z")
Provided all male mammals are vulnerable in the nuts, I could probably take on any male mammal. As far as females who knows…I don’t like to hit females anyhow. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/8 "2002-11-18T18:13:08Z")
Since I’m pretty big, strong, and fast I’ll say that I could take on a bear and win. And the best part is, none of you can prove me wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/9 "2002-11-18T18:13:58Z")
After a couple of rounds of Nethack I have found that I cannot even reliably take on an f’ing newt… _grumble_ ---
**Author:** ![gouda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c77e96/32.png) [@gouda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gouda)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/10 "2002-11-18T18:21:27Z")
What **Mullinator** said, and add in a croc just to make it interesting. ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/11 "2002-11-18T18:31:07Z")
When I came to this line in the OP: “I figure I could take on an ostrich…” I misread it to read “oyster.” I thought, Gee that’s not saying much, is it? (FWIW, I think I could whip an oyster. Even two oysters at the same time.) ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/12 "2002-11-18T19:25:58Z")
I’m absolutely not afraid of dogs. I don’t know why, they could be pretty vicous I’m told. I think I could mop the floor with a bonobo monkey…but not one of those “helper monkeys.” They really creep me out ever since I saw Monkeyshines. No cats larger than a house cat. Those things are mean and smart and they have big damn claws. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/13 "2002-11-18T19:45:20Z")
You think you could take on an ostrich? Ha…those things are damned mean. And goats and gazelles do have hooves…\ As per me, I think I could take on a chiuaha, daschund, yorkie, or maltese. Not that I’d like to mind you. And it would be hard. My grandparents’ yorkie can be pretty evil at times. I could maybe do a small lizard, if he promises not to transmit salmonella to me. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/14 "2002-11-18T20:00:15Z")
Do the critters know there is going to be a fight? Can we cheat and say, Here kitty kitty? Will the spectators be there in real time or do we get to keep the cage closed to all but the contestants? How big is the cage? Do I get to wear any clothing? What age and sex are the critters? Cage is staying on dry land? (Gilled critters are kinda out of the game then.) Do I get to chose the critter from a group? I will be paid how much? (makes a difference on motivation ya know) ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/15 "2002-11-18T20:40:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Briminator \* > \*\*This question popped up with a bunch of friends, so here is the situation: > > Steel cage match, you against an animal, no weapon, last one standing wins, how high up the food chain can you go? > > I figure I could take on an ostrich, gazelle…\*\* Oh, _yeah_ **Briminator**? Bring it on, tampon! You won’t be brimmin’ after I’m done witcha. ::sharpening up my pitchfork tail:: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/16 "2002-11-18T20:47:57Z")
From a quick Google search on “ostrich kick” [http://www.entertainment.sify.com/content/weekendstory.asp?news\_code\_num=419&lang\_code=environ](http://www.entertainment.sify.com/content/weekendstory.asp?news_code_num=419&lang_code=environ) “In fact an adult ostrich can kill a lion with its kick by breaking bones and almost liquefying vital organs.” Good luck there, Briminator. BTW, my money’s on the bobcat too. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/17 "2002-11-18T21:02:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mullinator \* > **Since I’m pretty big, strong, and fast I’ll say that I could take on a bear and win.** Wussy! I’LL fight a SIX-FOOT PRAYING MANTIS…bare-knuckled! Bring it on! ---
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/18 "2002-11-18T21:23:39Z")
I can take on my little sister, does that count? She’s a few inches taller than me, but I’m nearly 50 pounds heavier than her, not to mention fully-grown. Anyway, I managed to worm my way out of the grasp of my neighbor’s huge boxer who was trying to make me his bitch (yes, I can laugh at that now, but at the time I was terrified). So maybe a medium-sized dog or a Rat of Unusual Size or something. I’m tiny, but I’m strong and have managed to ward off teenage boys with an elbow in the rib cage. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/19 "2002-11-18T21:39:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > \*\*Wussy! > > I’LL fight a SIX-FOOT PRAYING MANTIS…bare-knuckled! > > Bring it on! \*\* Considering that a 6 foot praying mantis’ internal organs would collapse and it’s exoskeleton immediately break into pieces under standard earth gravity… I bet you would 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/20 "2002-11-18T21:44:09Z")
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