# What type of animal could you take on **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332 "2002-11-18T17:25:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/21 "2002-11-18T21:50:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Briminator \* > \*\*I figure I could take on an ostrich, gazelle, goat, bobcat & wombat. \*\* **Bobcats** aren’t terribly big, but they are all razor sharp teeth and claws. My money’s on the cat. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/22 "2002-11-19T00:31:50Z")
If the animal’s asleep, and not too big, I can’t see how hard it would be to pick it up and slam it into the cage wall until it stops moving. On the other hand, if it’s a pissed animal of almost any size, count me out. ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/23 "2002-11-19T00:42:10Z")
Well, I _do_ like monkeys. Yup, I’d like to lay the smack down on one, alright. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/24 "2002-11-19T00:59:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zorro \* > \*\*Last time I tried to have this thread it was shut down. But then I had used somewhat more sensationalist wording. > > You are indeed a sissy for not believing in your ability to give a panda a damned good kicking. They can’t be bothered to eat, they can’t be bothered to mate. I’m pretty sure that it couldn’t be bothered to fight back either. Bastards. \*\* [Hijack}On some radio station there was a Trivia question of: What animal do zoo keepers - and not all zoo’s have them - consider the most dangerous animal to deal with? The answer was a \*\*Panda \*\*. Naturally, I missed the reason exactly why, so if I give any of you a vague nagging sense of panic around stuffed panda bears, my job is done here. But my mind can’t stop thinking about what exactly do panda bears do that make them so dangerous. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/25 "2002-11-19T01:05:04Z")
My cage match actually happened. It all started when I agreed to chicken-sit for a neighbor. My only job was to feed and water them daily, and (this is the hard part) gather its eggs. Ever stare down a hen sitting on her young? It’s pretty frickin’ intimidating. Getting pecked ain’t any fun. Let’s just say Mr. Ujest was laughing his ass off, until I told him to get the eggs and it was my turn to laugh. In the end we got some leather gloves and stole her young and made omlettes. Now, that I have mastered poultry, I could possibly fight ducks, but no geese. Jeesus, they are mean sob’s. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/26 "2002-11-19T01:21:38Z")
I could run circles around a sloth. Seriously, I’ve “taken on” all sorts of small mammals (pack rats to bats to squirrel monkeys), run down fringe-toed lizards with a lizard stick (_pant pant_) and handled birds up to the size of a Great Blue Heron. My biggest owie came from a lightning-quick talon of a Sharp-shinned Hawk finding its mark under my fingernail. owOWow! I’m facing off with my namesakes this week. Could be up to 50 of those [feathery fiends in my trap](http://www.rci.rutgers.edu/~lreed/MVC-139F.JPG). Cold blood running through the veins, angry, raucous, mad with fear. And that’s just me - the crows could be pissed too. 😛 The only way I’d go near an ostrich is if I had a Briminator-sized decoy. 😃 Maybe. ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/27 "2002-11-19T02:41:43Z")
**Zorro** , Do try not to display your ignorance about pandas quite so blatently. Pandas are ill-tempered animals. They have sharp claws and even sharper teeth. One keeper in San Diego had to have 150 stitches after being bitten by a riled up panda, so spare me the _they couldn’t be bothered to fight back_ crap, 'kay? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/28 "2002-11-19T03:09:58Z")
Was **Zorro** the one who started the panda hate thread a while back? That was a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Lorenzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4da419/32.png) [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/29 "2002-11-19T03:13:27Z")
Poodles. Definitetly poodles. I don’t think a poodle could beat me. Wiener dogs. Children five years and younger. 'Course I wouldn’t win; I just wouldn’t lose. Call it a draw. WSLr: what’s the scoop on the duckbilled platypus? Looks harmless, but who knows? I’d probably drown if the match took place in water but on land might be a different story entirely. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/30 "2002-11-19T03:14:44Z")
[partial lyrics](http://kimberlychapman.com/corky/pandas.html) > [@](#): > > White and black, the friendly bears of China > White and black, they rarely reproduce > What shall be done about these Chinese bears? > What shall be done about these friendly bears? > > Die, they must die > The pandas must die > Die, they must die > The pandas must die > Yay! > > Why should we save them? > What good do they do? > Have you ever seen a panda > Do something good for you? > They can’t wear t-shirts, > They can’t bounce basketballs > They can’t walk tightropes > Over Niagra Falls > > Die, they must die > The pandas must die > Die, they must die > The pandas must die > > You fat bastard! > > All endangered species > Leave endangered feces > If you knew how bad they smelled > You would gladly take their pelt > If we kill them all > We can have more parking lots > We can have small couches > Made of little ocelots ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/31 "2002-11-19T04:10:46Z")
You know those real mean junkyard dogs? I always wondered what I would do if I was attacked by one. Couldn’t you just choke it to death? That would also go for wild wolves if they didn’t hunt in packs. Would that work? And if I were a martial arts expert, like at the Bruce Lee level, and I had to fight a really huge gorilla or some other really strong, ferocious ape, I figure my best bet would be to punch him in the face, then dart away as fast as I could, and repeat. Just keep punching and darting, punching and darting, until finally he became punch drunk and you could, again, choke him to death. Would that work? I figure that for every dangerous animal, there has to be one fighting technique that gives you the best possible odds. You would have to assemble a panel of experts on the particular animal to determine what that technique would be though. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/32 "2002-11-19T15:49:20Z")
Back in Sept of '76 the master addressed the issue of chimp strength… [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1\_001b.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001b.html) “A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.” cuauhtemoc - I think all that punching and dodging would only serve to piss off the gorilla, which is normally a shy and retiring animal. Ever seen the canines in their mouths? You would think they were carnivores. As soon as the gorilla grabs you you’re done. It could rip your limbs off at it’s leisure or simply bite your head off. I think the fight with the chimp would go even more poorly as they don’t have their larger cousins mild temperament. One handed pulls in excess of 1200 pounds and the ability to dead lift 600 pounds equate to us getting our asses kicked. Orangutans have those exceedingly long arms and strength that probably falls into the chimp range. Man… as far as apes go… we suck. Maybe we could take out a lemur or a marmoset but that might even be a stretch. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/33 "2002-11-19T19:29:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by In Conceivable \* > \*\*Goldfish. I could beat a goldfish in a fair fight. > \*\* **Hah!** You wish. ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/34 "2002-11-19T19:51:34Z")
Wow…I didn’t even think about aquatic critters! I could whip just about anything short of a whale or a Great White if I could get it on land! Bring it fish! I’m ready for ya! ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/35 "2002-11-19T19:55:29Z")
Haven’t you ever heard of the poisonous sub-species of goldfish, the _piscis conticeo_? Touch me. I dare you. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/36 "2002-11-19T20:04:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lorenzo \* > \*\* > WSLr: what’s the scoop on the duckbilled platypus? Looks harmless, but who knows? I’d probably drown if the match took place in water but on land might be a different story entirely. \*\* Unless you’re careful, the platypus would have you crying for mother pretty quickly. [http://www.abc.net.au/science/slab/shorter/story.htm](http://www.abc.net.au/science/slab/shorter/story.htm) “and the much under-recognised platypus, whose bashful personality hides a set of poisonous spurs that cause the most exquisite, excruciating pain.” ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2002, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/37 "2002-11-19T20:28:45Z")
I don’t know about you, but _my_ evolution included a club. And running for a long, long time. Everything gets nasty when it’s in a corner-- although people survive encounters with sharks and bobcats, so… How about what animal can you tackle on _an open field?_ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/38 "2002-11-20T01:07:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zorro \* > You are indeed a sissy for not believing in your ability to give a panda a damned good kicking. They can’t be bothered to eat, they can’t be bothered to mate. I’m pretty sure that it couldn’t be > bothered to fight back either. Bastards. \*\* Obviously you never saw Fox’s When Animals Attack when the panda tried to pull some guy through the bars of the cage. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/39 "2002-11-20T01:53:39Z")
Being a native Texan, I, of course, can whip my weight in wildcats. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332/40 "2002-11-20T02:05:13Z")
Show me your baddest 'skeeter. Oh, mammals? I can do collections agents with one hand on my back pocket. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-animal-could-you-take-on/137332.md?page=3)