# What type of old fart will you be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 6, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188 "2013-09-06T17:30:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/1 "2013-09-06T17:30:49Z")
For those not yet officially elderly, and inspired by [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=701544). ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/2 "2013-09-06T17:46:19Z")
I can’t wait to be old. I’m going to be so mean. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/3 "2013-09-06T17:54:14Z")
Judging by how my parents and their siblings held up in later years, I should be fine. ---
**Author:** ![sylmar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@sylmar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sylmar)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/4 "2013-09-06T17:57:36Z")
At what point are you “old”? It always seems to be 5 years past my current age… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/5 "2013-09-06T18:03:01Z")
Considering I’m a young 69 this year, I think I have it figured out. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/6 "2013-09-06T18:05:31Z")
Why can’t I be _all_ those things, by turn? Or even all at once? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/7 "2013-09-06T18:11:30Z")
I really hope I’m the same as I am now. I look at old men driving well under the speed limit, doddering along, and realize “that used to be a young spry man at some point.” I hope I don’t have to buy a Buick and sit 3 inches from the steering wheel, wearing a funny hat. With my left blinker continuously on. I hope I don’t start wearing jackets in the summer or pulling my pants up to my armpits either. And yeah, old is a moving target. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/8 "2013-09-06T18:12:56Z")
The [kind](http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://sicollegefootball.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/phil-robertson-p11.jpg&imgrefurl=http://college-football.si.com/2012/03/22/duck-punt-how-phil-robertson-found-stardom-after-giving-up-football/&h=402&w=298&sz=48&tbnid=g5NMsZcj-BahFM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=67&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dphil%2Brobertson%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=phil+robertson&usg=__k2E2XO5bCBBp0hOONLInDDpEb6c=&docid=sgqiILp7rIQH1M&sa=X&ei=lBoqUsGdJYqC2AXP2IE4&ved=0CDcQ9QEwAw&dur=3670) that crop dusts little kids and then asks “What’s that I smell baking, are those fresh cookies?” ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/9 "2013-09-06T18:17:28Z")
It’s too bad dirty magazines aren’t as much of a thing anymore. I used to love visting my gramps and thumbing through his old issues of Penthouse. In the future, I guess we’ll just leave XHamster open on our tablet or something. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/10 "2013-09-06T18:17:33Z")
Like every old person, I will THINK I am _The same congenial and intelligent person I now am_ while actually being \*Crotchety, suspicious, and cynical \* with an occasional \*hits the gas instead of the brake and crashes into the Quickie Mart at 70 mph \*. Now get off the hood of my car you disrespectful whippersnapper! ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/11 "2013-09-06T18:56:29Z")
As much as I’d like to think I’d be the same person I am today, more likely I’d be a goofy old lady who needs to be kept from buying everything she sees on QVC. Then again, I could end up taking after my grandma and great-grandma, about whom it could be charitably said that they have (or had) “a bit of an attitude.” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/12 "2013-09-06T19:06:17Z")
Crotchety, suspicious, and cynical just like I am today at 46. Only maybe I’ll talk a little slower, glare a little longer before busting out laughing at stuff that’s only funny to me, and try a little harder to pretend not be bothered by my increasingly unreliable memory. Oh, and I fully intend to be weird in public like holding conversations with onions at the grocery store, or staring up into the sky at nothing in particular just to see if I can get other people to try and see what I’m looking at. Oh, and parking my little MR2 out in the movie theater parking lot making vroom-vroom noises and pretending to be racing at Laguna Seca. It’s gonna be so awesome. Only 5 more years to go. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![one\_red\_shoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/54ee81/32.png) [@one\_red\_shoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/one_red_shoe)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/13 "2013-09-06T19:08:36Z")
I got my eye on the store down the street! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/14 "2013-09-06T19:10:21Z")
What were the options again? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/15 "2013-09-06T19:12:12Z")
I like to think that I’ll be one of those gregarious old men who everyone really enjoys being around, except that every now and then I say something ludicrously out of line and everyone has a “…” moment where they share awkward glances that speak volumes about how I’m old and set in my ways. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/16 "2013-09-06T19:28:38Z")
letting it all hang out. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/17 "2013-09-06T19:33:41Z")
I’m already pretty crotchety and cynical, but also sort of congenial and intelligent. I figure I’ll stay that way. But I’m definitely gonna be a crazy cat lady. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/18 "2013-09-06T19:37:11Z")
Rude. I’m going to be terribly rude. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/19 "2013-09-06T20:00:59Z")
Options 2 and 3 are equal for me. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/20 "2013-09-06T20:17:27Z")
I chose #5, because #3, which is #2. So 5. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188.md?page=2)