# What type of old fart will you be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 6, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188 "2013-09-06T17:30:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/21 "2013-09-06T20:24:24Z")
I’ve been crotchety, suspicious, and cynical for some time now. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/22 "2013-09-06T20:29:34Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I like to think that I’ll be one of those gregarious old men who everyone really enjoys being around, except that every now and then I say something ludicrously out of line and everyone has a “…” moment where they share awkward glances that speak volumes about how I’m old and set in my ways. This sounds alarmingly like me, _now_. But, most of my friends are younger than I am. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/23 "2013-09-06T20:31:23Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I like to think that I’ll be one of those gregarious old men who everyone really enjoys being around, except that every now and then I say something ludicrously out of line and everyone has a “…” moment where they share awkward glances that speak volumes about how I’m old and set in my ways. “He’s such a nice old man.” “GRAWWWK!!! MY TOES ARE FESTERING!!!” “Well, most of the time anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/24 "2013-09-06T20:37:56Z")
I’ve been crotchety since I was 12. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/25 "2013-09-06T20:56:19Z")
Considering I’m already a crotchety, suspicious, and cynical old fart, I think it’s a done deal. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/26 "2013-09-06T21:02:11Z")
My choice wasn’t presented. I am going to be full-blown eccentric. I have already started working on it but it is going to get much worse. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/27 "2013-09-06T21:11:38Z")
I figure I’ll be just deaf enough to talk really loudly and spend my time making wildly inappropriate remarks featuring ethnic stereotypes. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/28 "2013-09-06T21:23:26Z")
I hope to be somewhat like the [82 year-old I met](http://www.pritikin.com/home-the-basics/about-pritikin/success-stories/204-heart-health/1665-from-heart-patient-to-mountain-man.html) hiking in Zion earlier this year. He was on his 47th trip to the top of Angel’s Landing. Talk about somebody who was full of life…the whole way up he regaled us with funny stories and broke out into song when we reached the top. I wouldn’t mind being THAT kind of old fart at all. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/29 "2013-09-06T21:38:14Z")
You forgot crazy cat lady. I intend to die under a pile of 100lb. bags of kitty kibble. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/30 "2013-09-06T21:46:23Z")
I’ll look like [this](http://valerievisual.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/old-lady-tattoo.jpg) and I will do exactly as I please and be happy. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/31 "2013-09-07T00:02:40Z")
How the hell can I vote on this damn thing… I went to the church on the corner where I always vote and they just had some damn kids running around. I finally found some punk who was in his 40’s and he says there is no voting until November. I’m going to call my Grandson tomorrow and have him remove this damn internet from my computer… It’s nothing but trouble and you damn scammers trying to get me to vote for things that don’t even exist. And now some punk is at my door claiming I backed my Cadillac into his car in the church parking lot. I’m sure I would have heard something if I had and I didn’t… more of you damn punk scammers. (Care to guess what I voted for?.. or would have if the damn thing was real) ---
**Author:** ![slowlearner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@slowlearner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowlearner)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/32 "2013-09-07T00:49:14Z")
I outlived my entire family and always thought I’d be the old fart who passes you on the trail at 8500 ft, but now my knees are going bad and I’m just the old fart you see limping into the convenience store to take a leak and buy a quart of old Mil… ---
**Author:** ![LovesBeagles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ccd318/32.png) [@LovesBeagles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LovesBeagles)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/33 "2013-09-07T03:28:16Z")
I’m going to be even crankier when I get old than I am now. And I’m going to have even less patience with idiots and fools than I have now which means I’ll probably be quite rude. And as mentioned above, I’ll be the crazy neighborhood cat and dog lady. Four-legged critters are so much easier to deal with than two-legged ones. I’m going to wear lots of red and purple caftans and outrageous hats. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/34 "2013-09-07T03:34:26Z")
Becoming a crotchety old man is one of my goals in life. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/35 "2013-09-07T03:51:39Z")
A miserable one. ---
**Author:** ![austerity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@austerity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/austerity)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/36 "2013-09-07T03:59:18Z")
both my grandmother and mother has alzheimer’s so chances are I am going to have alzheimer’s too. So I will be the old fart who hits the gas instead of the brake and crashes into the Quickie Mart at 70 mph. i’m 34 now so i have about 30 years of lucid life left to enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/37 "2013-09-07T04:30:00Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My choice wasn’t presented. I am going to be full-blown eccentric. I have already started working on it but it is going to get much worse. That’s my plan, too. Make sure you keep posting here so I can get ideas from you, okay? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/38 "2013-09-07T05:52:25Z")
I haven’t given it much thought. I’ll be 50 in a couple of months. My boyfriend and I went for a walk yesterday and I did tell him that I never want to stop having sex and that I hope I die while having an orgasm. So, I suppose I’ll be a horny old lady/fart…some day. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![JuliaSqueezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@JuliaSqueezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuliaSqueezer)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/39 "2013-09-07T14:22:30Z")
Since I retired, I’ve already begun my reign of old-person terror. Remembering all the things that used to annoy me about old people, I now make the earliest dental appointments available, just to mess up those working stiffs who like those “stop in on my way to work” times. The post office, too! I like to go early in the morning and chat up the workers. Same with voting. I get in line as soon as they swing those doors open, and shuffle slowly to the voting booth. I take my time. I especially like getting out there on the freeways and obeying the speed limit (sometimes slightly below) and dawdling in the passing lane, just to annoy those worker bees in a big hurry to punch in. Shopping? I go on Saturdays and shuffle slowly up and down the aisles, leaving my cart right in the middle, just to aggravate those working folks who have to get it all done on the weekend. Sure, I could go mid-morning or mid-afternoon for most of these things, but where’s the fun in that? ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/40 "2013-09-07T15:39:01Z")
I’ve decided I’m going to be one of those racist old people, but like against people that others aren’t racist against, like Swedes. My grandchildren are going to learn quickly not to bring up IKEA or else they’ll hear my rants. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188.md?page=3)