# What type of old fart will you be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 6, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188 "2013-09-06T17:30:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/41 "2013-09-07T21:16:52Z")
I totally want to be a Crone. My husband is gearing up to be a Coot, so we’ll complement each other nicely. ---
**Author:** ![Steener122](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Steener122](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steener122)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/42 "2013-09-07T22:14:40Z")
I chose the one if like I am now, but I’ll probably try to have fun and try to write books too. I’ll probably also still be political so I might cause arguments with that ---
**Author:** ![aNewLeaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@aNewLeaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aNewLeaf)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/43 "2013-09-07T22:17:31Z")
Dirty old feezer. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/44 "2013-09-08T03:14:39Z")
> [@JuliaSqueezer](#): > > \ > Sure, I could go mid-morning or mid-afternoon for most of these things, but where’s the fun in that? You could also go do things and drive during afternoon rush hours, too - just add to the crush of people already doing stuff at those times. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/45 "2013-09-08T03:26:10Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > I’ll be 50 in a couple of months. My boyfriend and I went for a walk yesterday and I did tell him that I never want to stop having sex and that I hope I die while having an orgasm. Bonus points if it’s in a Lubys Cafeteria. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/46 "2013-09-08T10:43:26Z")
Since entering the new end of old, I’m looking forward to senility. Yeah, I may be a problem but it’ll be theirs, not mine. But I’m already learning some of the tricks. Like, when I don’t want to deal with something, saying “Now, what was that again?” I can put up with the rolleyes while somebody else takes care of it as long as they don’t see my smirk. I don’t go out during “rush hour.” (7am-9am. 11am-1:30pm. 4pm-7pm.) I like to linger, finger the merchandise and visit with the bored salespeople. I WANT to eat at 4pm because I fall asleep before the 6 o’clock news. The house is hot because I’m cold. I pretend I don’t know the kids cut through the backyard and steal my apples. I sit out on the porch with my “toddy,” (vodka cut with juice,) listen to my husband play guitar, at any time of the day or night that we want to. Yeah, I’m going to be a badass one of these days. As soon as I get done having fun. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/47 "2013-09-08T11:17:16Z")
I’m 60 and when I go out socially I am usually decades older than the next oldest person there. Most of the people I work with are in their 20s or 30s but they regularly invite me out to lunch, drinks, parties, weddings or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/48 "2013-09-08T11:22:00Z")
My dad was old at 65, I feel like I do the same things now minus some sports that I did when I was 30. I still visit all my local haunts. I set two new world records in flight archery last week and plan to set 2 or 3 more next year. My mother was sharp until her death at 94 I seem to take more after her. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/49 "2013-09-08T17:54:04Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > You forgot crazy cat lady. > > I intend to die under a pile of 100lb. bags of kitty kibble. I too am looking forward to my future as a crazy cat lady. Beyond that, I cannot speculate–it depends on whether my brain holds together well in old age, like Mom’s side of the family tends to do, or falls apart like Dad’s side. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/50 "2013-09-08T18:33:41Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I hope I don’t have to buy a Buick and sit 3 inches from the steering wheel, wearing a funny hat. With my left blinker continuously on. Buicks have turn-signal old-fart alarms. ---
**Author:** ![kbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kbear)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/51 "2013-09-08T20:23:51Z")
I suspect I’ll turn out just like my mom…she turned out like hers…sigh ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/52 "2013-09-08T23:42:08Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You could also go do things and drive during afternoon rush hours, too - just add to the crush of people already doing stuff at those times. 🙂 And don’t forget to go to lunch between noon and one to be with those required to eat in that time slot! ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/53 "2013-09-10T18:33:16Z")
Old lady options: hair in a color not found in nature & lipstick drawn outside the lines. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/54 "2013-09-10T18:37:38Z")
**Will** I be? Get off my lawn! ---
**Author:** ![Elemenopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/55 "2013-09-12T05:59:45Z")
Expanding on Sassy’s response… I want to be a laid-back version of Shirley MacLaine from ‘Terms of Endearment,’ etc. I’m going to wear a little too much garish makeup, tease my creatively-colored hair to immense heights, and wear gorgeous if discreet nightgown/peignoir sets round the clock, complete with mismatched antique costume jewelry. I’ll recline on my fan-cooled front veranda with a pitcher of Pimm’s, flirt outrageously and inappropriately with delivery lads and retired generals alike (at least when my dapper old fart husband is tooling around in his library), loudly whisper helpful yet catty advice to my granddaughters, and adopt a cute fey starving artist or two to join me in plein-air studies of my gauche neighbors and their houses and gardens. Occasionally I will annoy said neighbors in the wee hours as my tipsy hubby plays the piano (badly) and I vamp/improv the neighborhood gossip in my cigarette-roughened alto. Also tipsy, and badly. Reminds me, I will have a silver lorgnette as long as my forearm for my (probably illegal) cigarettes. I am actually practicing for this now. 😉 Good times. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/56 "2013-09-12T06:04:07Z")
I don’t intend to get too old. My plan is to die of exhaustion in my 70’s after a drug fueled threesome with some 20 year old nymphs. ---
**Author:** ![Penny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@Penny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penny)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/57 "2013-09-12T06:07:53Z")
I plan on saying outrageous the shock the crap out of young people. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/58 "2013-09-12T16:04:49Z")
I can see myself being crotchety and cynical. I am already cynical, but as I grow older, I feel my “nice” filters slowly wearing away, and I just want to tell people when they are being dumb and/or assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2013, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188/59 "2013-09-14T09:16:39Z")
> [@Elemenopy](#): > > Expanding on Sassy’s response… > > I want to be a laid-back version of Shirley MacLaine from ‘Terms of Endearment,’ etc. I’m going to wear a little too much garish makeup, tease my creatively-colored hair to immense heights, and wear gorgeous if discreet nightgown/peignoir sets round the clock, complete with mismatched antique costume jewelry. I’ll recline on my fan-cooled front veranda with a pitcher of Pimm’s, flirt outrageously and inappropriately with delivery lads and retired generals alike (at least when my dapper old fart husband is tooling around in his library), loudly whisper helpful yet catty advice to my granddaughters, and adopt a cute fey starving artist or two to join me in plein-air studies of my gauche neighbors and their houses and gardens. > > Occasionally I will annoy said neighbors in the wee hours as my tipsy hubby plays the piano (badly) and I vamp/improv the neighborhood gossip in my cigarette-roughened alto. Also tipsy, and badly. Reminds me, I will have a silver lorgnette as long as my forearm for my (probably illegal) cigarettes. > > I am actually practicing for this now. 😉 Good times. After reading this post I’m going to get a cigarette holder for my jays. And pull out my old peignoir. And join a book club that only reads porn. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-type-of-old-fart-will-you-be/668188.md?page=2)