# What was I stinking? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 11, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992 "2002-09-11T17:42:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/1 "2002-09-11T17:42:25Z")
Normally, I try and be a pretty nice guy. Usually, I’m quite successful at it. Occassionally, I foul up. Like today. I was good until lunch. I was even good until I got to the bathroom door after lunch. Then, like a giant Pandora’s Box, I pushed it open and entered. Stall #1: door ajar. Stall #2: door ajar. Stall #3: door closed but no sackrace trousers showing underneath. Monte, I’ll take door #1 please. Normally you’ll hear a rustle from any other cuarto de poopie resident as they try to make you aware of their presence. Despite the mounting pressure being exerted by what seemed to be an enormous brown piston on my backside, I sat as still as a duck hunter for ten seconds and listened. Nothing. Then I unleashed the hounds. First came a bang worthy of a goose gun. Then it sounded like a couple of poorly bred and overweight labs hitting the pond. Even I, the progenitor of this violence, was a bit alarmed. Embarassed for myself, I decided to calm my fears of a witness to this madness by proving to myself no other squatter was in the confines of this stink tank. I rolled up a length of toilet paper until it approximated a walnut. I then launched said walnut over the walls, clearing both the physical barrier as well common decency, and heard it bounce and then come to a halt on the floor. Silence. Phew. Bang! More overweight dogs. Stink. Silence. All of a sudden boink, a walnut sized clump of toilet paper hit me on the head. Not expecting it and thinking I’m all alone, I let out a most horrible girley man yelp. _Eeeeek!_ Frikkin’ heck, I’m sharing my anus in Surround Sound with a cow-orker and now I’ve pelted him with, of all things, toilet paper? How do you get out of this? If I finish first, he’ll ID me when I go to wash my hands. If he finishes first he can check out my shoes and look for me later. I like these shoes. I want to be able to wear them with pride again someday. _click_ goes a 25 watt bulb over my empty head… I’ll leave first but go to another bathroom to wash up. I start to clean up but just I shit like a Seattle rain and much wiping was required. I silently buckled my trousers and stealthly cracked open the door to hasten my escape and then reached back and flushed. The last thing I heard as I walked out the door was the sound of my squat overflowing the toilet I’d just clogged and the splash as flotsam started streaming toward my surely horrified companion. Okay, I’m really not thinking well at all by this point. My face feels really red and I hear a steady pounding from my temples to my chest. So I do the only sane thing… there’s a maintenance cart right there and I push it against the bathroom door to block and delay the chance of pursuit by the poor SOB whose senses I just assaulted. Jeez man, what the hell is wrong with me today? Why did I just wreak havoc on some dude? Good gosh… poor guy. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/2 "2002-09-11T17:53:37Z")
Oh man thats beautiful. Funniest thing I’ve read all week. Let us known what happened to the poor SOB. ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/3 "2002-09-11T18:00:01Z")
**lieu** ’s back, ladies and gentlemen! Brown Piston and the Overweight Dogs. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/4 "2002-09-11T18:03:17Z")
With a bit of luck, he’s you boss! When’s your next performance interview? _Job_ performance, yes. ---
**Author:** ![GopherGod72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f0a364/32.png) [@GopherGod72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GopherGod72)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/5 "2002-09-11T18:07:07Z")
OMG thats hilarious. BTW… why did you throw toilet paper again!!! ---
**Author:** ![LolaBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@LolaBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaBaby)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/6 "2002-09-11T18:07:43Z")
I’d be laughing so much more if I wasn’t eating breakfast right now. 😃 I seriously can’t believe you threw a toilet paper roll to check for lurkers. That is ACE! ROFL ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/7 "2002-09-11T18:36:14Z")
Well, I didn’t throw the whole roll, just enough of a squinched up ball to carry over two stalls. I wasn’t trying to _“wrap”_ his side or anything. And I did it because I figured if I hit anyone, they’d say something. But mainly I was just really realy sure that nobody was even there. It’s not like I could have asked or anything because how wierd is than? I mean, do you say “hi” first or just start asking if you’re alone? I’ve got a pretty recognizable voice and the last thing I’d want is people hearing it in a bathroom askinh _“Hello, anybody over there? What 'cha doin?”_ ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Frank\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_2)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/8 "2002-09-11T19:13:31Z")
The worst part is in your attempt to remain annonymous, you’ve managed to ruin that guy’s day. Think of it from his perspective: He she’s there doing a #2 reading _Fish & Stream_, when some guy comes in and unloads a dumpster-full into the can. Without warning, bowel movement man (i.e. you) throws a wad of toilet paper at him. So being the sensible person, he thows it back. He probably thought you needed it after the evacuation that occured. He’s getting ready to finish up when the toilet 2 stalls down starts to back up and that is unwholesome crawls out and lands on the bathroom floor. Disgusted by this he tries to get out quickly only to find some moron stuck the maintenance cart right in front of the door. Sounds like you’ve unwittingly declared bathroom warfare on this guy. Be prepared. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/9 "2002-09-11T19:37:42Z")
:: keels over with laughter :: Thanks. After all the “moving tributes to 9/11” I’m encountering today, this is one “movement” that’s leaving me uplifted. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/10 "2002-09-11T20:01:14Z")
This is fuckin’ genius, I tell ya. If there was an award for “Shit Lit”, as it were, you’d be Nobel material. ---
**Author:** ![skot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@skot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skot)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/11 "2002-09-11T20:27:45Z")
**lieu** that was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while…you are the master, I bow to thee. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/12 "2002-09-11T20:44:50Z")
It would be superfluous, at this point, to once again profess my undying love for you, lieu. And somehow I knew scout would beat me in here with the accolades. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/13 "2002-09-11T20:49:12Z")
I wonder if the poor guy initially thought that the wad of paper was post-wipe. ---
**Author:** ![Wildcatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@Wildcatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wildcatz)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/14 "2002-09-11T21:09:50Z")
This made me laugh so hard, I had to wipe the tears from my desk… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/15 "2002-09-11T21:21:48Z")
It is with much trepidation that I open any of your threads at work, **lieu**. I should have waited until I got home and I could have avoided the quizzical stares directed towards me as I convulsed in laughter. ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/16 "2002-09-11T21:25:49Z")
Homebrew, I have the same problem. Sittin’ here guffawing in my cube, and no way to share the hilarity with the rest of the group. It’s brutal! ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/17 "2002-09-11T22:58:29Z")
Rats. I’m predictable! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/18 "2002-09-11T23:03:49Z")
Somewhere, some guy is posting to a message board: “Some weird, stinky guy trapped me in with poo!” Woulnd’t you just love to hear his version of the events? Poor guy. I can just imagine him finally making it out of the men’s room just as someone else is on the way in – furiously denying that he’s the one responsible for the mess. Remember karma, **Lieu** … what goes around comes around… [sub]As demonstrated by the toidy.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![kitarak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kitarak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitarak)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2002, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/19 "2002-09-11T23:48:03Z")
Oh my god. Truly brilliant. 🙂 I’m still giggling to myself about it. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_Next\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@Girl\_Next\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_Next_Door)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2002, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992/20 "2002-09-12T00:05:33Z")
Oh man, laughing 'til I’m crying here… **lieu** in the loo. I’m a fan for life. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-i-stinking/127992.md?page=2)