What was the biggest laugh you ever got?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I don’t think this was the biggest laugh, as I usually get pretty good ones, but some of these jokes have got me thinking about a gag I pulled during high school chemistry. My teacher was a stodgy old lady who didn’t take nonsense from anyone.

Anyway, we were all responsible for various presentations for the class, and mine was on plant cells. Click This is glucose. Click This is chloraphil, which is responsible for… click Ribosomes click cell wall click pamela anderson click nucleus…

The room erupted. Pamela Anderson swooped in from the side and disappears in a split second. I deadpanned it and half the room wasn’t sure what they had seen, and I just kept presenting through everyone chocking back tears, teacher excluded.

By the end of the semester, when the second presentations were due, everyone had a silly picture in their presentation. I felt brilliant.

42

Ah, Master Bates - I think I see why that film won’t appear any time soon :).

How do you think the board subscriptions are kept low? :slight_smile:

My own effort was with a group of my friends playing football (soccer). One of them commented on how his Dad had just bought a new sports car. Me: “Well, if my wife looked like your Mum, I’d have a mid-life crisis too”. People were amused and horrified in equal measure (I didn’t mean it at all, of course, it just seemed too good an opportunity to pass up).

43

I participated in a staged reading of a new musical. It was . . . not good. Oh, the acting, singing etc were fine but the script . . . not good.

So we rehearse for a week, do a performance, rehearse the next day, another performance, and then head up to L.A. to showcase it there. We set up everything, and the director announces that after lunch . . . another rehearsal.

The guitar player on the gig opined at that point that one can’t polish a turd.

Whereupon, without even thinking about it, I sniffed haughtily and said, “Well, obviously you haven’t seen my turd collection.”

Everybody lost it. Actually, that joke has stuck with me, and to this day, folks will refer to me as the guy with the turd collection. Which is really not that great if you think about it, but the laugh was worth it.

44

One day last week, the hubby and I were at his sister’s house. Also there were his brother and the brother’s son (age 8).

We were sitting around talking, and my nephew grabs the remote control for the overhead fan and starts messing with it. He turned the fan off and then on, and then up on HIGH. To which I, sitting under the suddenly cold blast of air had to say, “Man, that really blows.”

45

Last year at a poker game I told a story of my parental mischief some years back.

My daughter was and is larger than life. She was 9lbs 12oz at birth, walking at 8 months, climbing the fence before 1 year old. My wife and I constantly regaled each other with tales of our daughter’s latest escapade.

One day during potty training I was in the bathroom when a devilish plan erupted in my brain. Carefully I deposited a “I eat lots of fiber” sized poo in my daughter’s potty and sneaked out to the backyard to mow the lawn. Twenty minutes later my wide eyed wife came out to tell me about what she found.

The telling of this story stopped the poker game for a good fifteen minutes…

46

OMG! I did almost this exact same thing, except I was a teenager at the time, and the “culprit” was our very small new kitten. My brother literally screamed for our mother when he dug that giant turd out of the litterbox. The best part was, Mom thought he had done it. After he had denied it so vehemently that she finally had to believe him, Mom decided to take the kitten to the vet, so I had to confess. :slight_smile:

47

Biggest laugh:
I was giving a technical paper, to about 250 people. My thesis was that a popular at the time technique could test too much. I acknowledged that it was good for chips in space probes, but not for everything. “What’s the worst that could happen if a video game failed? Some kid would do his homework.”
I had taken this talk on the road, and it always got a laugh, probably out of surprise. I was expecting hostile questions, and got none, because, someone said, the joke disarmed them.

Most sustained: At a murder mystery weekend, we were supposed to write a solution to present. My wife and I wrote one basically making fun of all the cast members as we discussed their guilt or innocence. It took 10 minutes to do, and we got laughs all the way through it. The company asked for it to use for their next show, and someone asked me if I wrote for Off Broadway. :smiley: For the first time I could see why someone would become a standup comic.

48

Haha, good one. It’s an awesome feeling to be copied sometimes.

I’ve never gotten a huge laugh but I’ve gotten a few smaller ones. I get nervous during presentations in class and I worked in a bar joke in my last sociology theory presentation and even had the professor laughing. Got an A- too, so that was sweet. I’m just kind of a dork so I usually do something sort of funny in front of people. I’m usually satisfied with just cracking my friends up though, and that’s easy.

49

This may not take the cake, but when I was in 6th grade, we had a market day for social studies, and these little stress balls filled with what appeared to be flour were selling like hotcakes. Well, that day, in 6th period, one kid burst his, accidentally. Our teacher told him to go to the bathroom to wash it off. Well, he came back, but now all the flour was on his face, in the form of a beard and mustache. That got a big laugh.

50

Now that is funny.

51

A poster at b3ta told a story about pranking a flatmate by surreptitiously cleaning up after his cat, until he was good-and-worried about its apaprent constipation – and then leaving a big load in the tray.

52

Back in the day when I had a flirtation with porn, my boss at work, whom was also a good friend, would ask to allow himself to come over and watch some porn (because his wife would kill him if he got caught at home with it).

So, one day he came over with a couple of tapes he’d rented and as we sat and watched one of them, a scene came up with this guy’s organ appearing on the left side and then very slowly it began moving towards the center of the screen. It was very obnoxious and taking a lot of time, with nothing else showing in the foreground or background, just his stiff organ slowly moving …

And so as we both sat there staring, I said somewhat matter-of-factly, “I didn’t know Ron Jeremy was in this thing.”

He thought for several moments (as we both continued to stare) and said under his breath, “He recognizes people by their organs.”

After that, even months down the road, he’d come over (to watch porn) and – while controlling the remote – would put it on pause during some of the close-ups when the performers were “doing it” and start screaming at me, “Who is that?! Who is that?!!”

He was a great friend, though sometimes I think he liked to try and embarrass me a bit.

53

At a meeting at work a couple of years back, we were discussing who would go to a tradeshow, and how to get there. Our marketing manager had just joined something called the “Last Minute Club” that got them half price airline tickets.

Being a little distracted, she announced that she could probably fly cheap, since she and her husband had just joined the Half Minute Club. Recognizing the perfect setup, I said “That’s like the mile-high club, only different, right?”.

The meeting immediately devolved into uncontrollable laughter, especially since the marketing manager did not recognize what she’d said, and did not get the joke.

54

Scene: college, during/just after the Three Mile Island crisis. I’m from Harrisburg, PA, the city closest to TMI. Typo Knig and his college roommates are joking around, not knowing I was even in the building. I walk up just as one of the roommates is making a crack about “mutant cows from Harrisburg”.

“OOOOM!!”, I say. Broke the group into hysterics.

Scene: working late on a major project. We’d phoned out for pizza. While dining, co-worker addresses me, then mid-sentence realizes he’s forgotten to go get his car out of the parking garage which had closed an hour earlier, and now he’s stuck car-less downtown. “Say, Mama Zappa, - oh FUCK!”. I reply “Ok, Oh Fuck!”. Added much need levity to the evening.

55

Hijack -

Does anyone else not get this? Do people really just watch porn? I have NEVER, EVER watched porn while not either masturbating or doing something sexual with my wife.

Joe

56

Agreed! That’d be way weird for me.

We used to sit around in the dorm at college and watch porn, but that was the dorm at college, totally different rules.

57

Restraint. Dignity. Self-respect.

I hope you’re not one of those incurable masturbators. :dubious:

58

Incurable? Well, I’m sure I could quit if I had a good reason to…

59

It was around 1989/1990, in a status meeting with about a dozen people from my department, including my manager and the program manager she reported to. We would just go around the table reporting anything significant we had done or any problems that needed attention. At the time, I was a fairly junior programmer, and the guy who went before me was the most experienced, respected and busy member of our group. His turn took 20 minutes, where he talked about all sorts of important things, blah, blah, blah. When my turn came, I opened with “Well, this is gonna be like a stupid pet trick going on after Bruce Springsteen…” Everybody started cracking up, much to my surprise - even the managers, who were pretty no-nonsense, straightlaced people. Took 5-10 minutes to restore order.

60

In high school, some other nerds and I were selected as the most “science-oriented” kids at our school to attend a physics design competition, which consisted of competing against other school teams to build a self-propelled vehicle from a box o’ stuff (paper clips, rubber bands, paper towel dowels, styrofoam in various sizes, ballons, string, glue, etc). The vehicle that went the furthest on a course won the competition.

The only rule was no teacher participation or input. We were serious about winning. So, our little team of 5 put our heads down for a few hours, went through various designs, trashed them, re-worked them, etc until we finally agreed on something workable and finished building it with minutes to spare.

In our rush to complete it on time, we somehow built this monstrosity without realizing what it looked like until we had time to sit back and admire our work.

A penis. One with two big inflated blue ballons on one end (blue balls, for propulsion) a very phallic looking tapered body, complete with half of a small pink rubber ball glued on the front end to give it an aerodynamic profile (with a pinhole on the “head” no less, to let air flow through the shaft if it could not get around).

I was nominated to bring it on stage to demo it (and we were randomly selected to go first, no less). I had forgotten that we had to name the contraption and provide some info as to where we got the design cues and influence. Best I could come up with at the last minute was “the Phallic Flyer”, at which point the whole auditorium fell apart. Needless to say, we were not allowed to demo it after that.

Our teacher was trying to act upset…but was clearly struggling to hold back his laughter on the van ride home. He finally had to pull over and let it all out when he overhead me telling one of my friends in the back seat the sound it would have made as it flew down the stage (piiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssss)