# What was the first novel you ever read that left you emotionally exhausted? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 28, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034 "2011-04-28T15:01:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/1 "2011-04-28T15:01:30Z")
And I mean that in a good way. I’m looking for written, book-length fiction which so drew you into the point of view of the protagonist(s) that once you could hardly make yourself stop reading–and once you finished, you felt drained, weak, and oddly happy. I added the _first_ qualifier just to make you think a little. But if you can’t recall the very first time that happened, it’s okay. Having made that concession, I’ll start with my own first. It was actually a pair of Madeleine L’Engle novels: [The Arm of the Starfish](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_arm_of_the_starfish) and [A Ring of Endless Light](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Ring_of_Endless_Light). I’m counting them together because I found them both in the summer of '85 and I don’t recall which I read first. I do know that I checked them out from the library around the same time; I’d read L’Engle’s _A Wrinkle in Time_ a few years before and wanted more of her. In fact, neither of the first two books is very like _Time_; they’re more realistic. But the stories of Adam Eddington (the protagonist of the former and a supporting character in the latter) and Vicky Austin (narrator of the latter) completely engrossed me: partly, I think now, because my grandfather had just died. _Ring_ is about Vicky’s last summer with her grandfather before his death, and while it’s not necessary to have read _Starfish_ to understand what’s going on in the other book, the experience is somewhat richer if you have. Anyway, that’s just me. Anybody else? ---
**Author:** ![Claire\_Beauchamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@Claire\_Beauchamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claire_Beauchamp)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/2 "2011-04-28T15:07:34Z")
_Lord of the Flies._ Eighth grade book for English class. Got it in 2nd period, started reading between classes, didn’t stop reading until I finished it lat that night. Although I can’t say I’d use “happy” to describe my feelings. Amazed, rocked, stunned, a little sick to my stomach. P.S. LOVE all the L’Engle books. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/3 "2011-04-28T15:19:29Z")
> [@Claire\_Beauchamp](#): > > _Lord of the Flies._ Eighth grade book for English class. Got it in 2nd period, started reading between classes, didn’t stop reading until I finished it lat that night. Although I can’t say I’d use “happy” to describe my feelings. Amazed, rocked, stunned, a little sick to my stomach. > > P.S. LOVE all the L’Engle books. I don’t mean happy with the way the story turned out; I mean happy (or perhaps grateful or awed) to have read the story. Both of my nominees are seriously depressing: particularly _Ring_, if you think about it in terms of _A Wrinkle in Time_, and especially in terms of Lewis’s _The Magician’s Nephew_. If I’d read _Meet the Austins_ first I’d have been less surprised, I suppose. And as I think on it, I must have read _Ring_ before _Starfish_. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/4 "2011-04-28T15:19:30Z")
_Ender’s Game_, in elementary school. Say what you will of OSC’s politics (and I could say plenty in the Pit), the man can _write_. It was impossible not to sympathize with Ender’s suffering - both the bullying and his bone-deep horror at the genuinely horrible things that he’d done. The ending of the novel, with its suggestion that he might genuinely find some peace, moved me pretty deeply. I also quite liked _Speaker for the Dead_, though it was a little bit over my head when I came across it the first time. I did find Ender’s “breakup” with Jane quite distressing, though. Poor Jane. (I won’t say “poor Ender”, though - dude should have known better than to shut off his earpiece. Jane would disagree with me - but she’s nicer than I am.) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/5 "2011-04-28T15:22:07Z")
Possibly **Mila 18** , by Leon Uris. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/6 "2011-04-28T15:24:45Z")
I’m also going to cheat and use a trilogy, because it’s one story spread over three books, and I read all three in a row because I just couldn’t stop. The Last Herald-Mage Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey, aka Magic’s Promise, Magic’s Pawn and Magic’s Price. I know a lot of people are harsh on the Valdemar books because of the magical white horsey goofiness, but I love them. And, magical white horsies aside, there’s some pretty dark stuff in there, and Vanyel (the hero of this trilogy) isn’t a Mary Sue, he’s actually got real faults. Hell, he starts out an insufferable, spoiled entitled brat, and he never fully shakes his habit of emotionally locking out everyone who loves him. I think this was the first series I read where the hero really couldn’t save the day or himself when faced with someone more powerful than he was, and I was fairly rocked by that. There’s an epilogue which kept me from slitting my wrists, but yeah, “emotionally exhausted” is a good description. It was also the first book I ever read with a gay hero, and I found that pretty awesome as a preteen. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/7 "2011-04-28T15:26:27Z")
I was still in grade school when I came across Elie Wiesel 's _Night_, which was only a hundred pages long - I read it in one sitting, and I found it utterly emotionally devistating. From the wiki article: > [@](#): > > God is not lost to Eliezer entirely. During the hanging of a child, which the camp is forced to watch, he hears someone ask: Where is God? Where is he? Not heavy enough for the weight of his body to break his neck, the boy dies slowly and in agony. Wiesel files past him, sees his tongue still pink and his eyes clear, and weeps. > > “Behind me, I heard the same man asking: Where is God now? > And I heard a voice within me answer him: … Here He is—He is hanging here on this gallows.” Edit: I missed the notion that this experience was supposed to make you happy … ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/8 "2011-04-28T15:32:08Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I’m also going to cheat and use a trilogy, because it’s one story spread over three books, and I read all three in a row because I just couldn’t stop. The Last Herald-Mage Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey, aka Magic’s Promise, Magic’s Pawn and Magic’s Price. :: shrugs :: It hardly matters anyway, but I don’t call that instance cheating. Those three by Lackey are like _Lord of the Rings_; the division between books is arbitrary and more about keeping the published volumes from being unwieldy than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/9 "2011-04-28T15:40:34Z")
The earliest one I can remember is [The Bronze Bow](http://www.amazon.com/Bronze-Bow-Elizabeth-George-Speare/dp/0395137195/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1304004879&sr=1-1) by Elizabeth George Speare, though I don’t remember much about it now except that I had a reaction similar to what the OP describes—I read it in childhood, and there’s been a lot of books under the bridge since then. Hmm, maybe I ought to re-read it one of these days. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/10 "2011-04-28T15:43:21Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :: shrugs :: > > It hardly matters anyway, but I don’t call that instance cheating. Those three by Lackey are like _Lord of the Rings_; the division between books is arbitrary and more about keeping the published volumes from being unwieldy than anything else. Exactly! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/11 "2011-04-28T16:13:46Z")
**Hop on Pop**. All that yelling by Pop about how it’s wrong to hop on him had an impact, very emotional yet overall positive. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/12 "2011-04-28T16:21:48Z")
Probably _The Thorn Birds_. All that angst and the fire and on again - off again romancin’ and lust and death and… whew. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/13 "2011-04-28T16:27:17Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Possibly **Mila 18** , by Leon Uris. Oh dear yes. I was a teenager, and until then, I’d had no experience (reading or otherwise) anywhere close to the pain and despair and courage of that book. Much later, Harriett Arnow’s _The Dollmaker_ had almost the same effect. It’s my favorite book of all time but man, it’s not a happy read. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/14 "2011-04-28T16:36:53Z")
Maybe _The Book of the Dun Cow_, which I started reading (as a fairly young kid) thinking it was a cute animal story. It was more epic and tragic and deep than I could have imagined. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/15 "2011-04-28T17:11:11Z")
Michael Ende’s **The Neverending Story**. I read it when I was 12, and it was the first book I ever put off reading so that I wouldn’t finish it too soon. Bastian’s journey from wimpy little boy to tyrannical monster to penitent, happy little boy was a doozy. BTW, if you’ve never read it, it’s called the Neverending Story because every so often the narration will take you off on a tangent and then cut short with, “But that is another story that will be told another time.” It’s a wonderful invitation for kids to exercise their imaginations and dream up the ways those tangents could be carried out to fullness. ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/16 "2011-04-28T17:35:58Z")
I don’t really know the answer. I’m just posting to say I think I fall a little more in love with Skald every time I open his threads. (which is not every time he posts. I do have a life outside this message board you know). There was a 16 year old _boy_ out there reading _A Ring of Endless Light_ when I was? (I here assume Skald and I are the same age, I think I noticed that once.) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/17 "2011-04-28T17:49:11Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Oh dear yes. I was a teenager, and until then, I’d had no experience (reading or otherwise) anywhere close to the pain and despair and courage of that book. > > Much later, Harriett Arnow’s _The Dollmaker_ had almost the same effect. It’s my favorite book of all time but man, it’s not a happy read. Come to think of it, I can go back much further than that. In about 1956, when I was a child, I read one of my sister’s books. She was into animal stories, and this one was called **Lad, A Dog** , written in 1919 by Albert Terhune, possibly the best writer of dog stories in history. In the end the dog dies, of course. I remember sitting there weeping copious nine-year old tears, and my mother trying to comfort me. It’s a powerful memory of my mother, as she was not prone to motherly gestures. Excuse me, I seem to have some dust in my eye. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/18 "2011-04-28T18:10:50Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I’m also going to cheat and use a trilogy, because it’s one story spread over three books, and I read all three in a row because I just couldn’t stop. The Last Herald-Mage Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey, aka Magic’s Promise, Magic’s Pawn and Magic’s Price. > > I know a lot of people are harsh on the Valdemar books because of the magical white horsey goofiness, but I love them. And, magical white horsies aside, there’s some pretty dark stuff in there, and Vanyel (the hero of this trilogy) isn’t a Mary Sue, he’s actually got real faults. Hell, he starts out an insufferable, spoiled entitled brat, and he never fully shakes his habit of emotionally locking out everyone who loves him. > > I think this was the first series I read where the hero really couldn’t save the day or himself when faced with someone more powerful than he was, and I was fairly rocked by that. There’s an epilogue which kept me from slitting my wrists, but yeah, “emotionally exhausted” is a good description. > > It was also the first book I ever read with a gay hero, and I found that pretty awesome as a preteen. I remember I had an actual pain in my chest at Vanyel’s despair after Tylendel dies. ---
**Author:** ![Ian\_D.Bergkamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Ian\_D.Bergkamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ian_D.Bergkamp)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/19 "2011-04-28T18:12:22Z")
Foucault’s Pendulum by Umberto Eco. Long, intricate, and–at times–a chore to get through, but the overall story was gripping and it ended with a furious pace. I read it in my late teens and absolutely had the emotions in the OP when I finished it. Another one was To Kill a Mockingbird. I was older when I first read it and generally knew the plot, but reading it was a revelation. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034/20 "2011-04-28T18:36:07Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I remember I had an actual pain in my chest at Vanyel’s despair after Tylendel dies. I cried. Those books are tough to get through. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-first-novel-you-ever-read-that-left-you-emotionally-exhausted/580034.md?page=2)