# What was the worst joke you ever heard in your life? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2019, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258 "2019-04-30T10:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/1 "2019-04-30T10:26:21Z")
This is for the jokes that are so bad, that years, maybe even decades afterwards you remember them specifically for being just so bad/unfunny. The actual good jokes surrounding it have been forgotten but the unfunny one has just stuck with you. Either because they had a terribly delivered punchline, it made absolutely no sense, or just wasn’t funny. **NOTE** - Jokes that personally offended you or you found offensive due to your beliefs I don’t count because I don’t want this to be full of political jokes or people complaining about episodes of South Park or Family Guy that offended them. I’m looking for just terrible at every conceivable level. The worst joke I ever heard was on a Disneyland Jungle Cruise. Now I understand the point of the cruise now is to intentionally make fun of how dated the ride is and I’ve been on boats with incredibly funny captains, this one day in the early 2000’s I had one Captain who was trying so hard that every single joke fell flat. None of them made any sense, he was like a bad improv comic on his first ever day. The worst joke I got from him was he held his prop gun to his shoulder like he was standing at military attention and said “Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Pikachu!!!” The punchline made absolutely no sense in any context and to this day I still occasionally wonder what the hell it was about. If he was trying to insert a modern pop culture reference into the military listing he could have picked an actual organization instead of the name of a character in a show. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/2 "2019-04-30T10:53:16Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > The worst joke I got from him was he held his prop gun to his shoulder like he was standing at military attention and said “Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Pikachu!!!” The punchline made absolutely no sense in any context and to this day I still occasionally wonder what the hell it was about. If he was trying to insert a modern pop culture reference into the military listing he could have picked an actual organization instead of the name of a character in a show. It’s absurd, and as such, amusing. I probably wouldn’t have laughed but I probably would have smiled. ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/3 "2019-04-30T12:07:37Z")
My go-to joke when I deliberately want to tell a bad one: What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/4 "2019-04-30T17:17:11Z")
Guy goes into a house of ill repute and asks to see the line up. Every girl he likes costs too much. This one charges $50, that one charges $60. He only has ten bucks. Shaking her head a bit the madam says, “Well. for ten dollars you can have Sandpaper Sally, but most guys don’t like here”. So he heads off with Sally and as they try to do the deed he is getting nowhere. She is dry, tight and rough when he does get in. Sadly he gives up. “What minute”, Sally says. She fumbles around under the covers for awhile and says, “Now try it”. Wow, what a difference. She is smooth and slippery as all get out and the guy can barely hold back. He finishes quickly and exclaims, “That was great! How did you do that?” Sally Replies, “I just reached inside and broke open a few scabs and let the pus run out…” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/5 "2019-04-30T17:50:57Z")
What could possibly go wrong here? ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/6 "2019-04-30T17:51:56Z")
I always felt that Asimov’s \*Death Of A Foy \*failed on all levels. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/7 "2019-04-30T17:52:56Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > What could possibly go wrong here? Ooo, I know this one! Invisible Robot Fish!🙂 ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/8 "2019-04-30T18:16:21Z")
Not exactly a joke, but a pun. In the original American version of _Astro Boy_ the mad scientist’s son’s name was Astrid Boynton. Diagon Alley and Nocturne Alley are pretty bad too. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/9 "2019-04-30T19:09:37Z")
From a Laffy Taffy wrapper: What kind of shampoo does Scooby Doo use? Scooby Doo shampoo. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/10 "2019-04-30T19:19:21Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > Diagon Alley and Nocturne Alley are pretty bad too. Those are among the jokes that totally slipped past me when I first read the book, and only noticed when I was reading it aloud. This was also true for the Terry Pratchett characters, Rob Anybody (a Feegle of loose morals) and Miss Tick (a witch). ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/11 "2019-04-30T19:24:48Z")
About a year ago, a friend of mine got a fortune in a fortune cookie that read verbatim: “Preserve wildlife. Throws more parties.” I think the joke was supposed to be that you should lead a _wild life_ and throw a lot of parties. Somehow the grammar and syntax were horribly botched. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/12 "2019-04-30T19:48:39Z")
> [@mixdenny](#): > > Guy goes into a house of ill repute and asks to see the line up. Every girl he likes costs too much. This one charges $50, that one charges $60. He only has ten bucks. Shaking her head a bit the madam says, “Well. for ten dollars you can have Sandpaper Sally, but most guys don’t like here”. > > So he heads off with Sally and as they try to do the deed he is getting nowhere. She is dry, tight and rough when he does get in. Sadly he gives up. “What minute”, Sally says. She fumbles around under the covers for awhile and says, “Now try it”. > > Wow, what a difference. She is smooth and slippery as all get out and the guy can barely hold back. He finishes quickly and exclaims, “That was great! How did you do that?” > > Sally Replies, “I just reached inside and broke open a few scabs and let the pus run out…” I just threw up in my mouth a little ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/13 "2019-04-30T19:54:15Z")
Him: "Say ‘knock-knock’. Me: “Knock-knock!” Him: “Who’s there?” Me: 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/14 "2019-04-30T20:14:22Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Him: "Say ‘knock-knock’. > Me: “Knock-knock!” > Him: “Who’s there?” > Me: 😕 I love this joke. I usually do it as: Me: “Hey, I got a great knock knock joke. You start!” Someone: “Knock Knock” Me: “Who’s there?” Someone 😕😕😕 Me: :D:D:D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/15 "2019-04-30T20:51:26Z")
> [@Nars\_Glinley](#): > > From a Laffy Taffy wrapper: > > What kind of shampoo does Scooby Doo use? > > Scooby Doo shampoo. That reminds me of the bumper sticker: “Don’t use shampoo. Use Real Poo.” ---
**Author:** ![FlikTheBlue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fliktheblue/32/10972_2.png) [@FlikTheBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlikTheBlue)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/16 "2019-04-30T20:54:19Z")
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They have a drink and walk back out. ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/17 "2019-04-30T21:00:55Z")
> [@FlikTheBlue](#): > > A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They have a drink and walk back out. A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They all failed to limbo. ---
**Author:** ![Reeses\_Monkey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reeses_monkey/32/2885_2.png) [@Reeses\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeses_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/18 "2019-04-30T21:14:02Z")
> [@ZonexandScout](#): > > My go-to joke when I deliberately want to tell a bad one: > > What’s brown and sounds like a bell? > > Dung! My 6-year-old brother managed to mangle that into “What’s brown and smells like a bell?” He’s 44 now and still hears about it. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/19 "2019-04-30T21:19:35Z")
What’s the worst part about sex with 5yr old? getting the blood out of your clown suit What’s the best part about having sex with a 14 yr old in the shower? Slick her hair back and she looks 12 For the record, I’m 100% against pedophilia. These are the jokes I’ve remembered for years because of how bad they are. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/20 "2019-04-30T21:32:56Z")
> [@ZonexandScout](#): > > My go-to joke when I deliberately want to tell a bad one: > > What’s brown and sounds like a bell? > > Dung! And the follow up: What’s brown and sticky? A stick! Going for the bottom here, folks. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258.md?page=2)