# What was the worst joke you ever heard in your life? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2019, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258 "2019-04-30T10:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/21 "2019-04-30T22:01:41Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > I always felt that Asimov’s \*Death Of A Foy \*failed on all levels. The first two lines make it a great feghoot. The second two don’t work, since the depend on a made-up word (which is likely it appeared in F&SF and not _Asimov’s_: George Scithers, who revived the form, was a stickler for form). ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/22 "2019-04-30T22:05:52Z")
Nun in a blender. (Raised Catholic) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/23 "2019-04-30T22:07:45Z")
What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/24 "2019-04-30T22:11:02Z")
Asian girl with one leg? Irene ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/25 "2019-04-30T22:31:42Z")
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water? Bob ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/26 "2019-04-30T22:38:49Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water? > > Bob Since you started it: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on the doorstep? Matt on a tree branch? Barry in the leaves? Russel on the wall? Art What do you call a girl with no arms or legs in the rapids? Flo ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/27 "2019-04-30T22:48:53Z")
What do you call a guy with three eyes, two noses, four arms, and no ears? anything you like he can’t hear you ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/28 "2019-04-30T22:49:34Z")
The Aristocrats. ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/29 "2019-04-30T23:02:27Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > Those are among the jokes that totally slipped past me when I first read the book, and only noticed when I was reading it aloud. This was also true for the Terry Pratchett characters, Rob Anybody (a Feegle of loose morals) and Miss Tick (a witch). I have been reading the Harry Potter books since approximately when the Goblet of Fire came out. Diagon Alley I of course got immediately. I just now, this instant, got Knockturn Alley upon reading **furryman’s** post. Knockturn Alley. Nocturnally. :smack: I am literally sitting here with my mouth hanging open. How abysmally stupid am I that I just now put this together? How did I not figure it out? I figured it was some kind of subtle play on words or allusion because most of her stuff is if you look hard enough, but never knew exactly what. Until now. Wow. Just WOW. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/30 "2019-04-30T23:54:46Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Him: "Say ‘knock-knock’. > Me: “Knock-knock!” > Him: “Who’s there?” > Me: 😕 I had a sweet little three-year-old girl do that to me. She didn’t do it on purpose. I had been teaching her simple jokes, including knock-knocks, the last time we had met and she came running up, excited to start again. She was a little annoyed that I didn’t have the rest of the joke, but was pleased when it busted up the whole room. My favorite joke from the Jungle Cruise - And over by the waterfall you can see three toucans. You know what three toucans make, don’t you? A six-pack. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2019, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/31 "2019-04-30T23:58:35Z")
> [@california\_jobcase](#): > > Since you started it: > What do you call a guy with no arms or legs > on the doorstep? Matt > on a tree branch? Barry > in the leaves? Russel > on the wall? Art > > What do you call a girl with no arms or legs in the rapids? Flo What do you call a baseball player with no arms or legs? Third base. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/32 "2019-05-01T00:04:22Z")
> [@FlikTheBlue](#): > > A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They have a drink and walk back out. A baby seal walks into a club. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/33 "2019-05-01T00:09:11Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > What do you call a baseball player with no arms or legs? Third base. OK, I honestly don’t get this one. Would you please explain? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/34 "2019-05-01T00:10:47Z")
He can’t do anything besides lay there. So they use him as a base. Third, in this instance. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/35 "2019-05-01T00:11:44Z")
Got it. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/36 "2019-05-01T00:48:58Z")
The way I heard it was: Can Johnny come out to play? You know Johnny has no arms or legs. Yes, we know, but we need him for second base. ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/37 "2019-05-01T01:41:06Z")
Finally a chance to use this. Two guys walk into a bar and pull up a stool. Bartender says to the first guy, what can a get you? He says he’s feeling like a cocktail today and orders a White Russian. Comin’ up. She gets the glass, puts in the vodka and the Kaluah, and she whips one of her tits out of her top and squirts it into the drink, drops a swizzler and sets it in front of him. How 'bout you, hun, she says. Looking sideways at the White Russian, he says, well I was gonna have a Bloody Mary, but I guess I’ll just have a Bud Light. ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/38 "2019-05-01T01:46:42Z")
Can Johnny come out to play? No, boys, you know he has leprosy and can’t come out to play. OK, can we come in and watch him rot? ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/39 "2019-05-01T02:04:21Z")
**Εὐριπίδης ? Εὐμενίδες !** ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/40 "2019-05-01T02:38:14Z")
Why does a duck walk softly? Because it can’t walk hardly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258.md?page=3)