# What was the worst joke you ever heard in your life? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2019, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258 "2019-04-30T10:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/141 "2019-05-09T02:32:32Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > The way I heard the joke told it wasn’t a shaggy dog story. > > When I was a kid a popular kind of joke started with, “What’s grosser than gross?” > > What’s grosser than gross? Getting a boner and running out of skin. > > What’s grosser than gross? Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. What’s the definition of agony? A one-armed man hanging from a cliff with itchy balls. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/142 "2019-05-09T03:39:19Z")
> [@Biffster](#): > > What’s the definition of agony? > > A one-armed man hanging from a cliff with itchy balls. That’s a bad joke, but I kind of like it. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/143 "2019-05-09T21:11:17Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > Far from being the worst joke ever, when I heard Patton Oswalt deliver this one, I was in stitches for minutes. > > Here’s my nomination for worst joke ever (a few days after Yom HaShoah): Arbeit Macht Frei. Watch it there! My grandfather died at Auschwitz He fell out of a guard tower. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2019, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/144 "2019-05-09T21:12:50Z")
Did you hear the news about the 2010 Haiti Earthquake? Damages were estimated at $48 ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/145 "2019-05-10T03:04:40Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > From the early days of the AIDS epidemic. > > What is the hardest part of having AIDS? > > Convincing your parents you’re Haitian. What’s the hardest part about learning to rollerblade? Telling your parents that you’re gay. ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/146 "2019-05-10T07:23:06Z")
With remarkable timing, we have a late entry for this contest. Apologies to US/global Dopers if [this](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/05/09/danny-baker-apologises-unthinking-gag-deletes-royal-baby-monkey/) is old news. In [another report](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-48212693) Baker excused himself thus: > [@](#): > > After the initial backlash on social media on Wednesday, Baker said: "Sorry my gag pic of the little fella in the posh outfit has whipped some up. Never occurred to me because, well, mind not diseased. Doesn’t make it any more funny, or any less crass and insensitive. j ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/147 "2019-05-10T10:04:12Z")
“I identify as an attack helicopter” and all its runty little bastard offspring. This has less to do with the joke being inherently unfunny (although, let’s be clear, I have yet to hear a formulation of the joke that actually qualifies as “humor”, [even when South Park did it](http://3.images.southparkstudios.com/blogs/southparkstudios.com/files/2014/06/0901-dad-dolphin.jpg?quality=0.8)) and more to do with _repetition_. Specifically it is one of the exactly two go-to phrases about trans people that most people know, and you hear it _fucking constantly_. It wasn’t particularly funny 5 years ago on 4chan, and the ten thousandth fucking repetition has not made it funnier. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/148 "2019-05-10T15:24:43Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > “I identify as an attack helicopter” and all its runty little bastard offspring. That’s a real meme? If I heard someone say that, I would have assumed they were a fellow _Skin Horse_ fan (in which someone’s identity as an attack helicopter is a plot point, because he _is_ a brain-in-a-jar cyborg attack helicopter). ---
**Author:** ![Busy\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@Busy\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busy_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/149 "2019-05-10T16:08:53Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > Watch it there! My grandfather died at Auschwitz > > He fell out of a guard tower. Bernard Manning that one - old school gagmeister from the UK. Danny Baker’s tweet this week that just got him sacked from the BBC is a contender for worst joke I can recall seeing - [report here](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/05/10/danny-baker-royal-baby-chimpanzee-tweet-ex-bbc-presenter-reveals/) Completely unfunny and mediocre in the context he intended, as funny as anal cancer in the context it was actually taken, and a cretinous misunderstanding of media from someone who’s been in that game for 40 years. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/150 "2019-05-10T17:36:26Z")
I don’t know if this qualifies as a joke, but I think I’ll remember it forever. I had a friend who said they had a great joke for me, and they said, “repeat after me and you’ll get it”. They said some inconsequential sentence, and I couldn’t figure out any wordplay about that made any joke-sense or would make me look dumb, so I just repeated it. They laughed at me, and said, “no, you didn’t get it.”. Rinse, lather, repeat 5 times. I’d repeat the words they said and they’d laugh louder at me every time. Right when I was starting to get actually mad at being laughed at over something I didn’t get, they told me. I wasn’t doing the arm movements that they repeated every time they said the words. The setup for the “joke” was that I was supposed to mimic their every movement as well as their speech. And the “joke” was that you weren’t supposed to take notice of their arm movements, therefore not repeating them, and so become the butt of the joke. I still seethe thinking about it to this day, because it isn’t even attempting to be funny and only aims to mock somebody else for being “stupid”. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/151 "2019-05-10T17:49:43Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > I don’t know if this qualifies as a joke, but I think I’ll remember it forever. I had a friend who said they had a great joke for me, and they said, “repeat after me and you’ll get it”. They said some inconsequential sentence, and I couldn’t figure out any wordplay about that made any joke-sense or would make me look dumb, so I just repeated it. They laughed at me, and said, “no, you didn’t get it.”. Rinse, lather, repeat 5 times. I’d repeat the words they said and they’d laugh louder at me every time. Right when I was starting to get actually mad at being laughed at over something I didn’t get, they told me. I wasn’t doing the arm movements that they repeated every time they said the words. The setup for the “joke” was that I was supposed to mimic their every movement as well as their speech. And the “joke” was that you weren’t supposed to take notice of their arm movements, therefore not repeating them, and so become the butt of the joke. > > I still seethe thinking about it to this day, because it isn’t even attempting to be funny and only aims to mock somebody else for being “stupid”. If you haven’t seen _The OA_ yet, you might want to consider this post a trigger warning. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2019, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/152 "2019-05-10T19:22:46Z")
> [@pohjonen](#): > > What’s green and has wheels? > > A lawn. I lied about the wheels. I saw this as someone’s forum sig yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2019, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/153 "2019-05-11T04:17:31Z")
What do you say when there are nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you say when there are nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you say when there are nuts on your chin? You can’t say anything because my cock is in your mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Dana\_Scully](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Dana\_Scully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dana_Scully)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2019, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/154 "2019-05-11T16:51:10Z")
Recently: I had an accident at home and had a pretty nasty bump and bruise. My doctor made a “joke” about my husband HITTING ME !!! I told him, that’s not at all funny; someone could overhear it and think my husband really IS abusing me and could get him into a lot of trouble. “Don’t **EVER** say anything like that again.” Can you image-- someone who’s supposed to be smart saying such a thing? I still get steamed just thinking of it. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2019, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/155 "2019-05-16T13:34:54Z")
> [@Dana\_Scully](#): > > Recently: I had an accident at home and had a pretty nasty bump and bruise. My doctor made a “joke” about my husband HITTING ME !!! I told him, that’s not at all funny; someone could overhear it and think my husband really IS abusing me and could get him into a lot of trouble. “Don’t **EVER** say anything like that again.” > > Can you image-- someone who’s supposed to be smart saying such a thing? I still get steamed just thinking of it. I don’t get it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2019, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/156 "2019-05-16T13:36:23Z")
> [@Chad\_Sudan](#): > > From Boys’ Life, 1939: > > “Let me see, I know most of your folks, but I’ve never met your brother, George. Which side of the house does he look like?” > > “The one with the bay window.” Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2019, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/157 "2019-05-16T15:25:11Z")
> [@Chad Sudan](#): > > From Boys’ Life, 1939: > > “Let me see, I know most of your folks, but I’ve never met your brother, George. Which side of the house does he look like?” > > “The one with the bay window.” > [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do. “House” is a synonym for family. A bay window projects outward. In other words, George’s gut sticks out. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2019, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/158 "2019-05-16T15:55:26Z")
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Answer: None I heard it here first, and since then one asshole or another has come back to tell it again around Paddy’s day every year. **F** that joke and every asshole who tells it. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2019, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/159 "2019-05-17T16:39:38Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Answer: None > > I heard it here first, and since then one asshole or another has come back to tell it again around Paddy’s day every year. **F** that joke and every asshole who tells it. The I’d guess you don’t like this one: What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunken Irishman! ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2019, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258/160 "2019-05-18T02:00:44Z")
I recently read one on Twitter that was pretty bad… Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-the-worst-joke-you-ever-heard-in-your-life/833258.md?page=9)