# What was your divorce (or that of someone close to you) like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2013, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913 "2013-01-03T02:57:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/41 "2013-01-07T04:12:16Z")
The divorce was easy - it was the separation that was difficult. She moved back to Iowa, and the following year I went out to Hawai`i. A couple years later i went to see a lawyer and filed for divorce. No kids from the marriage, just hers from before, and we’d divvied everything up when we separated. So I filled out the paperwork, the lawyer sent her a copy, and she didn’t respond, so no problems there. They came up with a few extra papers that I needed to sign, and each time they did so I was at sea, so there was a delay of a few days or weeks until I was back in port and could sign. Finally it all went to the courthouse - and some misbegotten toad lost everything. Honolulu courts work with original papers only, not copies, so I had to fill everything out and sign everything again. This time, though, I was on deployment, so it was a couple of months before I returned to Pearl and could do so. A few months later I transferred to Scotland. Shortly thereafter the case finally went before the judge, and three months after arriving in Scotland I got a packet from my lawyer in Pearl City - everything signed off and final. Free at last… ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/42 "2013-01-07T04:48:44Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Maybe we need a thread for “What you would like to say to your ex, if they were here.” > > Mine would begin, “You selfish bitch…” “Um, why are you in my bedroom? It’s almost midnight… I have no clothes on. How’d you get in the building? Is something wrong? Would you pass me something to wear, I’m frickin’ naked!” Sorry, I took the challenge pretty literally. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/43 "2013-01-07T06:11:01Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > “Um, why are you in my bedroom? It’s almost midnight… I have no clothes on. How’d you get in the building? Is something wrong? Would you pass me something to wear, I’m frickin’ naked!” > > Sorry, I took the challenge pretty literally. Yes, and you made me laugh. Thanks! ETA: Maybe there’s a comedy routine in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/44 "2013-01-07T19:42:18Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Mine wasn’t traumatic; in fact, I’ve had lots of breakups with boyfriends that were worse. But I was young, only married a couple years, no kids, and neither of us were assholes. We pretty much just decided we liked each other as friends, not as spouses or even lovers, and filed the paperwork. > > Assets were a mild pain to figure out, but we ended up just making an Excel spreadsheet, putting a value on anything worth more than a few hundred bucks, and then went through and more or less evenly divided things based on value. Things that were obviously mine or his - like the furniture he inherited from his grandmother - we left out. It would have been WAY more difficult if either of us had decided to be jerks about that kind of stuff, but we didn’t, so it was easy. > > Now, we’re both remarried, he’s got kids, and I think it was really a good thing that we split up. We simply weren’t meant for each other, and we figured it out early enough that breaking up wasn’t all that difficult. Are you me? Other than we didn’t use an excel spreadsheet this was back in 1989 for us. [And he is now married to mrAru’s exfiance. How Jerry Springer of us :p] ---
**Author:** ![Laggard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de053/32.png) [@Laggard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laggard)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/45 "2013-01-07T20:03:01Z")
If I could say something to her now a simple “fuck you” would be all I would need. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/46 "2013-01-08T00:57:44Z")
The lead up and actual divorce? Not fab, not terrible. The immediate and ongoing aftermath? Yeah, sucks. Continues to suck. Will suck until August this year when our son turns 18. ---
**Author:** ![Mavic\_Chen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mavic\_Chen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mavic_Chen)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/47 "2013-01-08T11:19:57Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Legally, it was easy. No arguing over money, no arguing over the Small One, who we co-parent with total cooperation. > > Emotionally, it sucks, there’s no way around it. I’m alone, and I hate it. There’s a lot to be said for having a partner. This is my experience also. A very easy divorce - although I worried about it a lot it was a doddle. Hardly any assets to split and she took the kid with me having access. But living alone is awful, as is work. I am pretty insular so not many people know much about my private life which is hard. On the plus side it has brought me much closer to my family and the freedom to do anything I please is fun. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/49 "2013-07-07T11:04:49Z")
Priestess Munak? Really? Yeah, this doesn’t feel like spam at all. ---
**Author:** ![Minnie\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Minnie\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minnie_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/50 "2013-07-07T12:23:18Z")
Reported ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/51 "2013-07-07T12:34:23Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > Priestess Munak? Really? > > Yeah, this doesn’t feel like spam at all. I’m afraid to click on the link. What if I open my front door and all my exes are out there, having been brought to me by the venerable Priestess Munak? Now _that_ would be traumatic (especially since once of them has been dead for about 5 years…) ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913/52 "2013-07-07T13:19:59Z")
My Mom was divorced four times. The first three went pretty smoothly. As a child I don’t remember being particularly traumatized by any of them. For the third husband, my Mom even let me go visit my stepfather and stay overnight from time to time. The fourth was worse. I was an adult so there were no kids involved, but my parents had owned a business together. Husband #4 was terrible with money and he basically declared bankruptcy just to force my Mom into it. It was fairly ugly especially since domestic violence was an issue. None of my Mom’s divorces can hold a candle to the divorce of my husband’s parents. His sister was about 12 when the divorce started and they were still fighting in court about her until the day she turned 18. It was horrific. She was falling apart and not getting the support she needed from either of them - in mother’s eyes she could do no wrong, in father’s eyes she was hellspawn. She developed a drinking problem and got to the point where she would just run away from her Dad’s house whenever she was forced to go over there. **Sr. Olives** ’ mother spammed him almost daily with endless e-mails about how horrible his father was, she was severely depressed and refused to get help even though it was killing her daughter. She refused to respect my husband’s wishes to not be involved. She sent him court documents asking him to make sure she wasn’t getting taken advantage of - he was 18. She subpoenaed us to testify against the father in court. She badgered him to talk to his Dad and convince him to do this or that. She was nuts. I still have serious anger issues over how selfish the two of them were throughout that entire process, and my husband still doesn’t like to talk about it. They are good people, but when it comes to one another they transform into irrational, vindictive enemies. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-was-your-divorce-or-that-of-someone-close-to-you-like/645913.md?page=2)