# What ways do we have to repel an alien invasion? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 28, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819 "2010-08-28T19:08:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/41 "2010-08-29T20:10:21Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > So enjoy your future as an unconscious sperm donor. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/42 "2010-08-29T20:22:29Z")
> [@](#): > > But, of course, why bother to keep around a lot of intelligent men who might plot revolution? The aliens would be more likely to just tie down and hook up a sufficient amount of men to machines that automatically withdraw sperm as necessary to impregnate the women and keep them constantly pregnant during their breeding years. Yeah, but what’ll happen to my dog? And **FuzzyOgre** , where’s that bit about sentient meat from? ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Cheer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fish_cheer/32/17179_2.png) [@Fish\_Cheer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Cheer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/43 "2010-08-29T21:05:39Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > And **FuzzyOgre** , where’s that bit about sentient meat from? [Terry Bisson](http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html). ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/44 "2010-08-30T01:44:53Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > Surrender unconditionally and beg for mercy. Seriously we’d be up against a civilization advanced enought to travel across intersteller space. Unless they this is some kind of game for them and they deliberatly use less advanced weapons & tactics than they otherwise could (ala Predator) we’d never even see the “invasion fleet” coming until it was too late. No. Better to die fighting as men than be slaughtered like sheep. My ancestors charged across more than a mile of open terrain, straight into the heart of the Union line at Gettysburg. The least I can do is face down ET, snarling defiance and earning my place in Valhalla. They will kill me, but I will die a free man. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/45 "2010-08-30T01:54:53Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > What if the aliens actually have only bronze age technology, and found a spaceship built by older aliens, but the spaceship or ships are controlled like the alien version of an ipod or something, so they can drive around, and perhaps use defensive weaponry, but can’t nuke us or figure out how to move asteroids around and stuff, so they have to beam down in their alien chariots and try to take us on with swords? we have photon torpedos, we are strong. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/46 "2010-08-30T03:27:04Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > No. Better to die fighting as men than be slaughtered like sheep. My ancestors charged across more than a mile of open terrain, straight into the heart of the Union line at Gettysburg. Your ancestors charged across a mile of open terrain\*\* while they thought they still had a chance to win the war.\*\* Your ancestors later surrendered unconditionally at Appomattox Court House when it was obvious that fighting would simply lead to death and had no chance of delivering any benefit. In other words, your ancestors weren’t suicidal. When you die, what happens is maggots eat your corpse. You don’t go to Valhalla. We may as well suck up to the aliens and see if they’ll let us live in peace. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/47 "2010-08-30T04:12:07Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > > > Biological warfare would be effective. > > Oh yeah, _that’ll_ work right! :rolleyes::smack: > > On another biochemistry? > On silicon life, perhaps? > > No. > > Aliens invade = We Are Boned > > On the bright side, the aliens might try forced selective brreding, to make Mankind less stupid. So, Dopers get laid! A lot! > [@Canadjun](#): > > > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > > > Biological warfare would be effective. > > Depends on their body makeup. How are you going to develop bacteria/viruses/whatever capable of doing anything at all to them in time to take them out before they retaliate? > [@scr4](#): > > > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > > > Biological warfare would be effective. > > Not if they stay in their spaceships or armored spacesuits. I was thinking along the lines of the old _War of the Worlds_ movie, where simple Earth germs did the aliens in. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/48 "2010-08-30T04:20:59Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > What if the aliens actually have only bronze age technology, and found a spaceship built by older aliens, but the spaceship or ships are controlled like the alien version of an ipod or something, so they can drive around, and perhaps use defensive weaponry, but can’t nuke us or figure out how to move asteroids around and stuff, so they have to beam down in their alien chariots and try to take us on with swords? There was a pretty hilarious SNL skit back in the Phil Hartman era about an invading alien race (complete with 50’s sci-fi movie silver jumpsuits) that invited our world leaders to inspect their vastly superior technology before we surrender in awe, but when our military experts reported back, all of their technology was actually several hundred years behind ours, muskets and stagecoaches and so on. When the amazed general asked “but how did they make the flying saucer?” the analyst shrugged and said “I dunno…maybe they found it?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/49 "2010-08-30T04:29:07Z")
The governor of California and Doodles Weaver’s niece have had success fighting aliens. Maybe we should ask them. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/50 "2010-08-30T06:01:55Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > > [@ivn1188](#): > > > > What if the aliens actually have only bronze age technology, and found a spaceship built by older aliens, but the spaceship or ships are controlled like the alien version of an ipod or something, so they can drive around, and perhaps use defensive weaponry, but can’t nuke us or figure out how to move asteroids around and stuff, so they have to beam down in their alien chariots and try to take us on with swords? > > There was a pretty hilarious SNL skit back in the Phil Hartman era about an invading alien race (complete with 50’s sci-fi movie silver jumpsuits) that invited our world leaders to inspect their vastly superior technology before we surrender in awe, but when our military experts reported back, all of their technology was actually several hundred years behind ours, muskets and stagecoaches and so on. When the amazed general asked “but how did they make the flying saucer?” the analyst shrugged and said “I dunno…maybe they found it?” 😃 Harry Turtledove wrote a short story called _The Road Not Taken_, where it turned out that there were simple techniques for both antigravity and FTL travel; so simple that even Bronze Age cultures could discover them. We just happened to miss them. So instead of pouring our efforts in trying to improve hyperdrive and antigravity, we went in other technological directions. Which is how 21st century Earth ended up being attacked by the Roxolani; aliens with starships, antigravity - and armed with black powder muskets and cannon. The attack went…poorly. ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/51 "2010-08-30T19:42:18Z")
> [@Al\_Bundy](#): > > If I wanted to really discourage them, I might point out our major cities. They might feel sorry for us and help in some way. Or they might leave in disgust. - If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just kidding, that this isn’t really our civilization, but a gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to come back in twenty years to see our **real** civilization. After that, we start a crash program of coming up with an impressive new civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens as they’re waving good-bye.\* — Jack Handey ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/52 "2010-08-30T20:09:17Z")
> [@Strain\_of\_Thought](#): > > I seriously wonder if our government has in fact commissioned such a report at some time- and considering that \*\*the F.B.I. conducted an official investigation into the lyrics of “Louie Louie”, \*\*I wouldn’t be surprised. If anybody knows of such a report, could you tell me? Wait a minute…what!!! 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Grey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/53 "2010-08-30T20:15:58Z")
On the upside, we’ll see them coming. There will be this energetic source heading right at us that will likely start increasing dramatically as they shed energy entering the local environment. So we’ll at least have a few years to start begging for mercy. ---
**Author:** ![FREQ\_FORCE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@FREQ\_FORCE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FREQ_FORCE)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/54 "2010-08-30T22:08:40Z")
I would assume that the chance of encountering a sapient technological civilization anywhere within a few thousand years of our technology level is pretty slim. If this is technology that crossed the gulf between the stars, we’d be screwed. It would be a little like humans engaging in a full-scale nuclear conflict against sea sponges. I’d say our best bet would be to try and convey that we are sentient creatures and hope to hell that they have some sort of cultural bias against wiping us out like an ant infestation. We would have to have some sort of sign that would make them say “Hey, maybe we shouldn’t vivisect these fleshy things. They appear to have some degree of intelligence and self-recognition.” Then we just hope that they have a better track record with less advanced civilizations that we do. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/55 "2010-08-30T22:36:26Z")
Larry Niven had a short story about an alien race who travel to other planets for trade. Their ships require significant local infrastructure to launch: One of the first things they trade to any planet they visit is designs for a launching laser that can send them to their next planet (and can then also be used to propel our own ships to the stars). Any species that cannot or will not build the launching laser are considered mere animals, albeit clever animals, and not worthy of moral considerations, so they instead launch from that star using a gizmo that causes the star to go supernova. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/56 "2010-08-30T22:46:51Z")
> [@FREQ\_FORCE](#): > > I would assume that the chance of encountering a sapient technological civilization anywhere within a few thousand years of our technology level is pretty slim. If this is technology that crossed the gulf between the stars, we’d be screwed. It would be a little like humans engaging in a full-scale nuclear conflict against sea sponges. Sorry, its only [25 years away](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=575272). ---
**Author:** ![Strain\_of\_Thought](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Strain\_of\_Thought](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strain_of_Thought)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/57 "2010-08-30T22:47:02Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > > [@Strain\_of\_Thought](#): > > > > I seriously wonder if our government has in fact commissioned such a report at some time- and considering that \*\*the F.B.I. conducted an official investigation into the lyrics of “Louie Louie”, \*\*I wouldn’t be surprised. If anybody knows of such a report, could you tell me? > > Wait a minute…what!!! 😕 Well, you know, trying to figure out what they’re singing in that song will drive _anybody_ crazy… and that means it’s a danger to the public! Seriously, it happened: > **[FACT CHECK: Are the Lyrics to 'Louie, Louie' Obscene?](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/louie-louie/)** > > Rumor: The lyrics to the song 'Louie, Louie' are really obscene. > **[Louie Louie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louie_louie#Lyrics_investigation)** > > "Louie Louie" is a rhythm and blues song written, composed, and recorded by American musician Richard Berry in 1956 and released in 1957. It is best known for the 1963 hit version by the Kingsmen and has become a standard in pop and rock. The song is based on the tune "El Loco Cha Cha" popularized by bandleader René Touzet and is an example of Afro-Cuban influence on American popular music. > "Louie Louie" tells, in simple verse–chorus form, the first-person story of a "lovesick sailor's lament to... [http://www.publicradio.org/columns/dinnerpartydownload/2010/05/episode-49-wallace-shawn-fbi-vs-louie-louie-no-kidding.html](http://www.publicradio.org/columns/dinnerpartydownload/2010/05/episode-49-wallace-shawn-fbi-vs-louie-louie-no-kidding.html) > **[Documents | The Smoking Gun](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/lascivious-louie-louie-0)** > > Public Documents, Mug Shots [http://www.louielouie.net/11-fbi.htm](http://www.louielouie.net/11-fbi.htm) ---
**Author:** ![SmithCommaJohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@SmithCommaJohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmithCommaJohn)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/58 "2010-08-30T22:55:03Z")
I think the best-case scenario is that they take pity on us, and decide that our solar system should be protected as a wildlife refuge. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/59 "2010-08-31T01:38:05Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Sorry, its only [25 years away](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=575272). I think you misread **FREQ\_FORCE** ’s post: > [@FREQ\_FORCE](#): > > I would assume that the chance of encountering a sapient technological civilization anywhere within a few thousand years of our technology level is pretty slim. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819/60 "2010-08-31T01:48:19Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > > [@TriPolar](#): > > > > Sorry, its only [25 years away](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=575272). > > I think you misread **FREQ\_FORCE** ’s post: > > > [@FREQ\_FORCE](#): > > > > I would assume that the chance of encountering a sapient technological civilization anywhere within a few thousand years of our technology level is pretty slim. Right, but it was an inane response anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-ways-do-we-have-to-repel-an-alien-invasion/551819.md?page=4)