What we DON'T teach parrots to say.

Fun things to teach your parrot:
“Div B equal Zero”
"Zurich Bank 2435 — Awk! "
“ATAC to St. Cyril’s”
“How many damned times do we have to say it before the parrot does?”

“Thank you for holding. We appreciate your patience.”

“Is that the parrot or a recording?”

“Help! I’ve been reincarnated as a parrot! Really!”

“Pinin’ for the fjords!”
“I’m just restin’!”
“I’m a mynah bird in disguide!”

A friend in Florida has an African Grey.
He went on vacation for a couple of weeks and hired a pet-sitter to come in and feed the bird.
During this time, his backyard neighbor had a deck installed.

Upon returning home from vacation, he was woken just before sunrise to the sound of a circular saw plowing through deck boards.

Seems his parrot was able to repeat that noise with near perfection.

And he can’t break him of it.

I am blessed - or cursed, depending on your POV - with two Amazon parrots. Both of them are “rescues” and came with built-in vocabularies, but they are always learning new words and sounds. One of them mimics my dog’s “warning woof” - a quiet, semi-bark that he makes when he first hears a noise he intends to investigate. Both of them make random sort of “conversational noise” that is similar to what it sounds like when someone is talking on the phone in another room and you can’t quite make out the words.

Neither of them came with any cuss words, though. Their vet has commented to me more than once that they are both “the politest parrots” she’s ever treated. Apparently it isn’t all that uncommon to teach a bird “naughty” words.

BTW, GrizzRich, now that the parrot can imitate the circular saw, he’s never going to unlearn it. Or stop imitating it, either.

As a parrot owner myself (okay, a conure), I’m aware of that.
'Cuz when he “powers up” he ALWAYS get attention… which, of course, is what he wants.

I had neighbors with a couple of talking birds. The birds spoke in Cantonese, however. The only thing I understood from them was when they would yell out the sons name. See, they were kept near the back door where the mom would lean out and call the boy in for dinner.

Parrots repeat what they hear

When I was a vet student we had a parrot as a patient who was a terrible biter. He’d say “Ouch” when somebody approached him - no doubt because he heard folks say that when he bit them.

I had a halfmoon conure a long time ago who had been kept near the cash register at the pet store, so he made sounds like a cash register. I also had a little budgie that had once been wild but he was still a baby when I got him. He did learn to say “hello” however he only ever said it late at night while you are drifting off to sleep (yeah, I kept him in my bedroom). It’s rather creepy to hear this tiny little voice saying “helloooo” in the dark.

I volunteered at a bird sanctuary that aquired a blue-crowned conure that had once been owned and ended up on the loose in the wild and was captured and brought to us. We kept him at the shelter for a while (indoors) since it is illegal to release non-native species. He became a mascot of sorts but he was a sick bird. He had a view of the surgery area and it seemed like whenever we had a really bad case - blood everywhere, wing amputations, little chance of recovery - the bird would start laughing his ass off. He’d also laugh maniacally after biting you.

“I can smell your cunt.”

I met an African Grey who had two different phone rings and a meow.

I’ll scrub harder.

Oh, you mean . . . a bird . . . Never mind.

When I got my parakeet, my husband told me not to bother teaching it to talk. He had several in the past, but none of them talked. Imagine my surprise, when I heard what sounded like the phone ringing and my voice saying “hello”. He would also mimmick the sound of the computer struggling to connect to the internet via dial up, there was a little dance that went with it. I miss McNugget. :frowning:

My vet’s office has a cockateil (I think. It looks like the bird from Barretta anyway) named Simon. It will say,“Hello.” But it is flabbergasted when I ask,“Are you a pretty bird, Simon?” Apparently, no one has ever said that to him on a regular basis. And thankfully, he has not learned naughty words.

I burning your dog! braaaak!

I’ve a blue front. He mostly mumbles but when a group of people are standing around his cage talking he’ll often interject with “yeah” just at the right times.

I think I’m going to try to teach my green-cheek conure to say “All your base are belong to us”.

Brawwwk. Where’s grandma’s finger? Where’s grandma’s finger?

(that’s for readers of Savage Love)

There was a feature about a parrot sanctuary on our local TV news last night. The guy who runs the place said that some of the birds he gets in come out with some realy fruity swear words. One of these parrots was donated by a church minister. The sanctuary owner asked the minister about the parrot’s colourful vocabulary. The reply was “I might preach the word of God , but when the damn thing bites me I still use the same bad language as anyone else”.

My family had an African Grey years ago that would not only meow, but coax the cat to the cage. “Here kitty kitty kitty…pssswsssswwwssst!” The cat, not knowing much better would head over to the cage, where the bird would then peck him! After the cat scurryied away, the bird laughed. The cat learned to run the other way when people called him with a “Here kitty kitty kitty.” Thanks bird.

His name was “Rocky.” One evening, my family was watching the movie “Rocky II” (Or was it Rocky 3? Rocky 17?) and the crowd was chanting “Rocky! Rocky!” and the bird kept yelling “What? WHAT!?” It was pretty damn funny.

We used to have a budgie that we trained to talk; starting with our house address (in case he escaped and was recaptured), following on with conversational stuff, plus the nursery rhyme Hickory dickory dock, which he could recite perfectly.

He also picked up words on his own; he was very tame and would sit on my shoulder, but would occasionally nip my earlobe; later on though, I could tell when he was about to try it because he would say “Ouch! Stupid birrrrrd” immediately before he tried to beak me.
His cage hung from the ceiling next to the living room door, which had a squeaky hinge for some time; one day I decided to oil it, but on testing it out, I could still hear a squeak; turns out that I had successfully oiled the hinge, but the bird was still imitating the squeak every time he saw the door close.

When he got a bit older, his vocabulary got very mixed up and he would just sit there spouting nonsense, like “Hello Oscar bird, sixty-eight the mouse bird, stupid bird hello mate”

Ahh, I miss that bird.

Oooh! I just remembered another story…

One of my friends who I don’t see often told me awhile back that she had gotten a small parrot. My friend is an avid gamer and was at the time playing one of the incarnations of Resident Evil. Apparently this parrot liked to watch her play the game, and in time was able to vocalize the perfect zombie groan. She played that particular game with the lights off (atmosphere, ya know), so whenever she turned the lights off in the room, the parrot took this as a cue to start groaning.

Well, one night she had a buddy crash at her place. He hadn’t met this parrot before, and she neglected to tell him about its odd habit. So, he gets all comfy on the couch, and turns the light off to go to sleep. A couple minutes later…


My friend said that her buddy was back up in a flash and shaking her awake, asking what the hell that awful noise was. I wish I had been there. :smiley: