# What we have here is a failure to be romantic ( horrible song lyrics) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 13, 2007, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582 "2007-10-13T14:14:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/1 "2007-10-13T14:14:43Z")
For a little change of pace, I’ve been listening to my local country music radio station on the way to work. The ratio of good songs to stupid songs seems to be roughly proportionate to those songs on my local rock station. But then one fine afternoon, I heard this little gem on the radio _Cause I’d like to see you Out in the moonlight I’d like to kiss you Way back in the sticks I’d like to walk you through a field of wild flowers I’d like to check you for ticks_ :dubious: I was pretty sure I wasn’t hearing right, but by the time the stirring bridge rolled around, I could no longer deny it. _Now whoo hoo You never know where one might be And ooh ohhh There’s lots of places that’s hard to reach_ Be still, my beating heart. :rolleyes: So lets hear your most horrible song lyrics. I’m sure this has _never_ been done before. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/2 "2007-10-13T14:19:36Z")
Steve Miller The Joker: > [@](#): > > You’re the cutest thing that I ever did see > I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree > Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time > Oohwee, baby, I’ll sure show you a good time ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/3 "2007-10-13T14:29:09Z")
Those lines from “The Joker” are cribbed from two other old R&B songs. Steve hardly wrote any of the words in that song. It’s a wonder he hasn’t got sued from here to Venus and back for all the “homage” goin’ on in there. I’ll think of some abysmal lyrics when I wake up… Good thread! ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/4 "2007-10-13T14:52:30Z")
These always made me laugh: _Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling Angel_ ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/5 "2007-10-13T16:29:03Z")
“As It Happens” on CBC radio has been having fun with bad rock lyrics. This comes to mind for me (but there are a kajillion others): _Wake me up before you go-go Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo_ ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/6 "2007-10-13T16:32:57Z")
From a band I normally like: \*I wanna be that magazine That she bases life on I wanna waste her monthly blood Wanna get some on my love… \* - Seether “Gasoline” So where’s the barfy smile? ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/7 "2007-10-13T21:10:08Z")
_Cherish is the word I use to describe All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside_ always struck me as awkward. Among other things, cherish is a verb, not an adjective- it’d be like saying “Walk is the word I use to describe/the way I get from place to place when I stroll outside”. The whole of the song [Funkier than a Mosquito’s Tweeter](http://boscarol.com/nina/html/where/funkierthanamosqu.html) ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/8 "2007-10-13T21:19:36Z")
There is this song, apparently called “Angel” by Shaggy, that was quite popular on Top 40 radio a few years back that included the lines: _Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel… closer than my peeps you are to me_ I almost drove off the road, I laughed so hard the first time I heard it. I’m closer to you than your peeps? Awesome! But… what about your homies? Am I closer than them? _worry_ And that’s just what’s funny about the substance… I dare not even approach the syntax. ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/9 "2007-10-13T21:23:45Z")
Blink-182’s classic _Keep your head still I’ll be your thrill the night will go on, my little windmill._ comes to mind ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/10 "2007-10-13T21:35:27Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] From a band I normally like: \*I wanna be that magazine That she bases life on I wanna waste her monthly blood Wanna get some on my love… \* - Seether “Gasoline” So where’s the barfy smile? [/QUOTE] I have one in My Pictures, actually. It was created by Doper **jjimm**. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/11 "2007-10-13T23:19:01Z")
I can’t remember the name of this '70s gem, but in my mind it’s “The Booty Call Song”: _I’m not talkin’ bout movin’ in, And I don’t want to change your life, But there’s a warm wind blowin’, the stars are out, And I’d really love to see you tonight…_ In other words, “Listen, babe, I don’t want to get into some kind of relationship or something here, but I’m really, really horny. Want to hook up?” Second nomination: “The Pina Colada Song,” in addition to sucking musically, may be the least romantic song I’ve ever heard. A plot synopsis: Dude’s unhappy with his marriage. He puts a personal ad in the paper. He and a Mystery Woman write letters back and forth in which they find out they share a lot of interests (Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, etc.). They arrange to go out of town together on short notice. When they meet, SURPRISE! It’s his wife! Neither of them knew they both shared these interests! They’re back in love again! Say what? They were both looking to cheat on each other, and suddenly everything’s fine? I hate that song. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/12 "2007-10-14T00:16:44Z")
Just about the entirety of [Live With Me](http://www.gettherhythm.com/t/the_rolling_stones/live_with_me.html) by The Rolling Stones is cringeworthy. It manages to be vulgar and obscene at the same time. I saw a handwritten page with the lyrics one time at a rehearsal room, and I thought it was somebody’s most abysmal, amateurish attempt ever to write lyrics… then I found out it was a Stones song. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/13 "2007-10-14T02:03:43Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] Just about the entirety of [Live With Me](http://www.gettherhythm.com/t/the_rolling_stones/live_with_me.html) by The Rolling Stones is cringeworthy. [/QUOTE] What, you prefer [Brown Sugar](http://www.gettherhythm.com/t/the_rolling_stones/brown_sugar.html)? It’s about raping slaves, you know. ---
**Author:** ![TripleTee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@TripleTee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TripleTee)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/14 "2007-10-14T02:04:24Z")
Hey jude, dont make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, Then you can start to make it better. Na, na na na na na na, na na na na, hey jude. (repeat ad finitum) Very memorable melody. Instantly forgettable lyrics. Pretty much the story of the Beatles. They could write some good melodies. But they absolutely sucked at writing lyrics. All of their lyrics are total crap. ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/15 "2007-10-14T02:19:00Z")
[QUOTE=TripleTee] Very memorable melody. Instantly forgettable lyrics. Pretty much the story of the Beatles. They could write some good melodies. But they absolutely sucked at writing lyrics. All of their lyrics are total crap. [/QUOTE] “Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye” That my friend, is pure poetry! ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/16 "2007-10-14T04:00:42Z")
Well I argued with the judge But the bastard wouldn’t budge 'Cos they caught me licking fudge And they never told me once You were a minor - King Crimson, “Easy Money” ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/17 "2007-10-14T05:39:48Z")
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th] For a little change of pace, I’ve been listening to my local country music radio station on the way to work. The ratio of good songs to stupid songs seems to be roughly proportionate to those songs on my local rock station. But then one fine afternoon, I heard this little gem on the radio _Cause I’d like to see you Out in the moonlight I’d like to kiss you Way back in the sticks I’d like to walk you through a field of wild flowers I’d like to check you for ticks_ :dubious: I was pretty sure I wasn’t hearing right, but by the time the stirring bridge rolled around, I could no longer deny it. _Now whoo hoo You never know where one might be And ooh ohhh There’s lots of places that’s hard to reach_ Be still, my beating heart. :rolleyes: So lets hear your most horrible song lyrics. I’m sure this has _never_ been done before. 😉 [/QUOTE] I don’t have one to add to the list, but I had to come in here to say, I saw the thread title, read the mouseover, and immediately thought, “_Ticks_!” I love that song. A little silly and a little oogy, but it still makes me giggle. Unfortunately, it also makes me think of a particular episode of _House_, but that’s the way it goes. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/18 "2007-10-14T06:25:19Z")
I know it’s not a love song, but may I suggest that “Rock-a-bye, baby” is an awful thing to sing to a child? ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/19 "2007-10-14T08:47:57Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] Well I argued with the judge But the bastard wouldn’t budge 'Cos they caught me licking fudge And they never told me once You were a minor - King Crimson, “Easy Money” [/QUOTE] Stone-headed Frisco spacer Ate all the meat I gave her Said would I like to taste hers And even craved the flavor Like marron-glaced fish bones Oh lady, hit the road -King Crimson, “Ladies Of The Road” Lady supermarket with an apple in her basket Knocks on the managers door Grooning to the Muzak from a speaker in the shoe rack Lays out her goods on the floor Everything she’s chosen is conveniently frozen Eat it and come back for more -King Crimson, “Catfood” These guys just don’t do romantic! Reminds me of Frank Zappa: She had that Camarillo Brillo Flaming out along her head I mean her Mendocino Beano By where some bugs had made it red … She ripped away her rancid poncho And laid out nekkid by the door We did it 'til we were unconcho And it was useless anymore “Camarillo Brillo” ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582/20 "2007-10-14T10:52:51Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah] _Wake me up before you go-go Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo_ [/QUOTE] Whenever I hear this song I can’t help but imagine two guys pacing up and down a smoke filled room littered with empty coffee cups and thinking hard and long for something that rhymes with _go-go_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-we-have-here-is-a-failure-to-be-romantic-horrible-song-lyrics/422582.md?page=2)