# What were you THINKING? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 13, 2023, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532 "2023-10-13T19:36:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 245
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5183 "2025-06-17T14:57:32Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > She needed to sit down. You base that statement on what? She did indeed leave the line to sit down. If there was any evidenced she _needed_ to sit down, I never saw it. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Even if she didn’t explicitly tell you she was resting and that she’d be back, it was pretty clear when she tried to get back in line. Yes. I have addressed that before. She did not explain why she left the line. She did not ask to be sure she would be let back in. She just left and sat down. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > I feel like, for a few minutes, you thought you were a little bit closer to the front of the line and got upset that it’s no longer the case. Nope. I was upset that she left the line without explaining why, or asking to be sure that she would be let back in- and then tried to get back in without explaining anything then either. > [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Who gives a fuck that she walked away and didn’t say anything? That would be me, and at least the two women directly behind me. > [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > You knew it was her spot. It _was_ her spot. She gave it up when she left without explanation or asking if she would be let back in. > [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > You were being a dick, plain and simple, because you thought you gained a spot and were angry she did what you wanted to do. She was the one behaving rudely and improperly. Again, she left the line without explanation or asking if she would be let back in. > [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > were angry she did what you wanted to do. I am honestly not sure what you mean here. I did need to sit down. I did not want to leave the line and lose my place, so I did not. > [@SuntanLotion](#): > > Because when someone is dizzy, they should look up how to translate this to tell the people behind them, while not passing out. No, of course not. However, they should certainly translate when they feel better and attempt to get back in line. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Oh boy. No. She didn’t block herself. She didn’t put out the granny cart. That is not what I meant. Again, she left the line without offering an explanation or asking to be sure she would be let back in. She then attempted to get back in front of me, also without explanation. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Your actions were unethical. No, they were not. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5184 "2025-06-17T15:00:42Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > I disagree. Technically, you will likely be able to physically get back in line if you ask only the person directly behind you. You will also likely experience at least verbal hostility from everybody else behind that person. Only if they’re all like you. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5185 "2025-06-17T15:02:33Z")
Wouldn’t it be good if people were nice to each other? ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5186 "2025-06-17T15:03:03Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Technically, you will likely be able to physically get back in line if you ask only the person directly behind you. You will also likely experience at least verbal hostility from everybody else behind that person You are completely making this up. I am not sure why you are fixated on this, but this is unlikely to be the case. That is why you tell the person behind you, so they can vouch for you “Yes, this person was there.” It is literally not an issue. Most people _are not like you_ when it comes to lines needing a sworn statement from every person around before they’ll let them back in. They understand how to behave and how lines work. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5187 "2025-06-17T15:04:45Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > That is not what I meant. Again, she left the line without offering an explanation or asking to be sure she would be let back in. She then attempted to get back in front of me, also without explanation. Yeah, bud, I’m aware of all that. I didn’t forget it, you don’t need to remind me. I already responded to it. “Again” isn’t an effective rhetorical device. You behaved shittily to someone. Your doubling down on your shitty behavior is giving me a pretty good impression of the sort of person you are. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5188 "2025-06-17T15:44:09Z")
You could have just let her back in. Maybe her day was going really bad and she was just relying on the kindness of strangers. You could have offered it to her and it would have cost you nothing (you’re just guessing at how others might react if you’d done that). Behaving as you did is jerkish IMO. Again, not the end of the world. But doubling down as you are makes you seem like a lot more of an asshole than someone who may have just been having a bad day. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5189 "2025-06-17T15:58:40Z")
Exactly this^^ It’s perfectly alright to forget others foibles and chalk it up to an experience. It don’t matter her language, wealth, or even a unnoticed physical problem. Let her deal with all that. You’re only responsible for _your_ action and reaction. Not the people behind you, or the security guard or her husband. Just _you_. It wouldn’t have hurt one damn thing to not be the asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5190 "2025-06-17T16:09:47Z")
This reminds me of a little random fact I learned recently. It’s has to do with the Helper’s High, there is apparently a demonstrable benefit to doing nice things for people. Hormones, stress, emotional state, all of them are positively impacted by just doing a nice thing for someone. Hell, maybe all 4 of the players in this little vignette could have used a 10 minute sit down to refresh themselves. Some esprit de corps, let’s help each other out a bit instead of being tightfisted asses, assuring that everyone is maximally uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5191 "2025-06-17T16:27:52Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Again, by this time I was in pain. I was showing obvious signs of being in pain. I was having difficulty standing and walking. I was showing obvious signs of that as well. > [@DocCathode](#): > > She was not showing any signs of pain. She was not showing any signs of having difficulty standing or walking. > [@iiandyiiii](#): > > But you made someone else’s day worse, for no good reason, and with no real benefit to yourself or anyone else. I think you should reconsider what made you act this way. As an observer, it looks to me, DocCathode, that the “what made you act this way” is ableism that manifests as requiring disabled people to perform their disability to your personal satisfaction before accepting that they are deserving of an accommodation, as well as inspiring you to not take accommodations for yourself and suffer in pain and discomfort in deference to an unwritten rule about lines and imagined social expectations. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5192 "2025-06-17T16:47:42Z")
The DMV on a good day is trying for the most even tempered person. I’ve wanted to lose my good manners many times. For whatever reason, Doc you seem to be bothered by too many things. This campaign about whether Smapti should be doing this thing or not is trivial at best, a sneak brag about his _vast knowledge_ on the subject, at worst. Let it go. Just let it go. You don’t have to keep repeating it, it isn’t gonna change one mind. Everything that’s not perfectly puzzle pieced into how you want it is not exactly horrible. PS…your friend turning MAGA(or not), maybe just avoid sending him nasty posts on Facebook. Thats evil and you premeditated it. You thought and planned it out. We watched you work it out in real time. You notified your SA to look. Just awful in the nastiest of ways. If you don’t want to associate with this person, don’t man. Just don’t. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5193 "2025-06-17T16:57:33Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > The DMV on a good day is trying for the most even tempered person. Thank dog last time I had to go to the DMV, it was really not bad at all. I did have to got to at least four different stations, but half of those called you by your number so you could sit until you were called. I was getting a little bit too tired in one line. I would have sat down if I felt too much worse or the line moved slower. Even though I looked healthy, I felt like crap. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5194 "2025-06-17T17:03:27Z")
I hope this isn’t an _age_ thing. What? You cannot stand on a line? Well, sorry, you don’t get to drive anymore. I do all I can by mail or online. Do your DL as many years as you can. These eliminate the need to go very often. If we wanna discuss the pharmacy drive thru, I gots the beefs. Let me tell you. 😊 (Sorry, @Wolfpup , I couldn’t make myself type _beeves_) ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5195 "2025-06-17T17:17:49Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > The only religions I do not treat with respect are the Church Of Scientology and Jews For Jesus. COS is an evil organization. I don’t care if some of their beliefs are ‘weird’. I care that the organization is abusive and dangerous. There’s an old anecdote about the atheist telling the militant christian “I disbelieve in all the same gods you do, plus one.” I don’t treat major religions with respect precisely because their organizations are abusive and dangerous and I have thousands of years of history from around the world to back me up. I also have spinal stenosis and standing in line is extremely painful for me. You would not be able to tell, probably; I have plenty of experience hiding it. I would personally say something if I needed to leave a line, but possibly a Haitian woman would be very uncomfortable asking permission from a big, imposing white man before obviously sitting down a short ways off. If you blocked my return I would get security myself and I’ve never done that on anyone ever. You are coming across as the worst person in a pit thread. You might want to spend some time thinking about that. Shortening posts isn’t the only change you need to make. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5196 "2025-06-17T17:29:55Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I hope this isn’t an _age_ thing. > > What? You cannot stand on a line? Well, sorry, you don’t get to drive anymore. Huh? I had a hospitalization with congestive heart failure a couple of months before and was still on a recovery curve. It made me weak. I could drive for hours. Standing and sitting are rather different activities. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5197 "2025-06-17T17:34:46Z")
Oh so sorry..I didn’t mean you personally @carrps. I was speaking of the big picture. Maybe thats what the DMV people, those bloody bureaucrats, are thinking about _US_ folks. Daring to be tired or hurting in their stupid long lines. Not you. I did not mean that at all. I swear. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5198 "2025-06-17T17:56:22Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > It’s has to do with the Helper’s High, there is apparently a demonstrable benefit to doing nice things for people. Hormones, stress, emotional state, all of them are positively impacted by just doing a nice thing for someone. This is real. I don’t think I’m a particularly good person, but it feels really good to help people, so I do it for myself. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5199 "2025-06-17T17:59:26Z")
Thank you for the explanation, yeah, we can all get a bit short when tired, frustrated or otherwise out of sorts. And it is the Pit, though some of us (✋ ) do also love our reasoned discussions here! I’m going to be flippant for a bit, and in doing so, I am speaking only for myself, not for others posting their opinions on the subject. I care about the issue, but since I’m (as I stated) almost entirely secular, it’s the care of someone who is more _offended_ due to the often shallow nature of the use. It’s like any number of board members here who will all-but explode when someone starts arguing Tolkien lore using only the Movies as a base. If I were deeply religious, or a scholar of the Kabbalah in this current example, the intensity and nature of my response would likely be different. Though I will and have in both threads given Smapti credit for appearing to be totally sincere. Am I irritated by it? Yes, a bit, but I think the worst I’ve said is that “it chaps my hide”. I can think of a dozen posters among us who have used far more intemperate language over _pizza topping_ choice. Still, the vast, Vast majority of the examples and anecdotes used have been from people _appreciating_ and emulating the culture they’re borrowing from with respect. And sadly, we know it isn’t always the case, or even _often_ the case historically. So I think a degree of suspicion of motives from those doing so is probably justified, if unfortunate. Back to the tipping point of the whole debate though, again, Smapti gives all appearance of being sincere (I use this because it’s not like I can read his mind, NOT as a dig) and has mentioned his studies _including_ those of Jewish culture that he’s been undertaking. Would I prefer, as some level, if he was doing it as part of an outreach done through a Jewish synagogue or educational society? Sure, but that’s a _preference_, not a requirement. Where I might start to get passionately involved was if, in some dark hypothetical, Smapti’s Mirror Universe Equivalent _took_ all that knowledge and rebranded it as some New and Correct Method and started a cult supported through said practice. _Especially_ since such a thing would likely want to, and need to, invalidate all the prior versions of such practice as being wrong or “hidden” from those not part of the people. Yes, a truly out there example, one I am NOT accusing our version of Smapti from doing. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5200 "2025-06-17T18:08:24Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I think a big issue is @DocCathode’s need to control people’s behavior when it doesn’t meet up with his notions of how it fits into his world. The first time I noticed behavior like this from him was the thread he started seeking advice on how to tell parents to stop their children from laughing so that he could better conduct business from inside his apartment. Which (since I _am_ in the pit) was the thinking of an asshole so large that entire cities could fall into it, never to be seen again. > [@Need Russian Translation Help- A Politely Worded 'Quiet Please' Sign](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-russian-translation-help-a-politely-worded-quiet-please-sign/968677): > > I don’t trust Google Translate. I work from home. I work Monday through Friday, 11:30 am to 8 pm. I generally work in my living room. A door in my living room opens onto a common hallway. Apparently, a Slavic pre teen girl lives in the apartment directly across from me. I know because, all too often, a group of pre teen girls giggling and chatting in some Slavic language (Russian? Polish? Romanian? Ukranian?) come to visit her. Normally, I thrive on the laughter of children. But, I’m working as … ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5201 "2025-06-17T18:54:42Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > I would personally say something if I needed to leave a line, but possibly a Haitian woman would be very uncomfortable asking permission from a big, imposing white man before obviously sitting down a short ways off. I’m guessing that in the culture she’s most familiar with, nobody would even think twice about someone stepping off to the side to sit for a bit and then coming back to her original spot. > [@Atamasama](#): > > I don’t think I’m a particularly good person, but it feels really good to help people, so I do it for myself. You selfish bastard! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/5202 "2025-06-17T19:07:55Z")
When i was 2-3 months pregnant, and didn’t yet “show”, i had bad morning sickness. And one day, on the subway, i hadn’t gotten a seat and was, fairly suddenly, quite ill and needed to sit down. As the car was packed, i sat on the floor (yes, it’s filthy). That was such a bizarre violation of cultural norms that a nearby man asked me if i was okay, i told him the situation, and he offered me his seat. (And chased away a person from the other side who nearly grabbed it as he got up, because that person hadn’t seen our interaction.) So, that’s breaking the rules, which are very clearly “first come, first serve” for seats on that train. Anyway, if I’d been in a line at the DMV, with seats in sight, i would have raced over to one of those, rather than sitting on the floor. And i might not have said anything to the nearby people, especially if there has been a language barrier. And I’d have tried to regain my spot in that extremely long line after I’d recovered, too. I wouldn’t have looked disabled, or in pain. (Unless my face went green, which i guess is possible.) Anyway, there are all sorts of possible back stories for the woman. Some more sympathetic than others. And yes, in most places i wait in lines, her odds of keeping her spot would have been better if she’d asked the (one, singular) person behind her to hold her spot. But i would have let her back in. And I’d have been astonished if the people behind me complained, especially if they _saw_ her leave. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532.md?page=244) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532.md?page=246)