# What were you THINKING? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 13, 2023, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532 "2023-10-13T19:36:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 348
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7331 "2026-06-13T13:59:58Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Although, ref @DSeid, I’m slightly mollified to learn that the JLC rumor is long-standing misongyist / nonbinary-phobic garbage, not something **nwh** whipped up on their own just yesterday. That rumor is pre-internet, almost as long lived as famous newscaster has a live hamster removed from his rectum and famous male music star has a quart of semen pumped from his stomach. Curtis’s was somewhat different in that it was always about her, the hamster & semen ones were retold about different people. Curtis (correctly IMHO) has decided to ignore the rumors instead of dignifying them with a response. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7332 "2026-06-13T14:44:48Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > FWIW nearwild didn’t _create_ any of that. I mean, with the history of human bigotry, it takes some real creativity to come up with an actually new way of being a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7333 "2026-06-13T14:52:07Z")
Coming up with a silver lining took some amazing ingenuity. Kudos. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7334 "2026-06-13T15:17:53Z")
The defense of the bigot is pretty much on brand for the ones doing it, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7335 "2026-06-13T18:39:47Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > That rumor is pre-internet, almost as long lived as famous newscaster has a live hamster removed from his rectum and famous male music star has a quart of semen pumped from his stomach. Curtis’s was somewhat different in that it was always about her, the hamster & semen ones were retold about different people. My lord, those were the exact two examples I was thinking of (Richard Gere and Rod Stewart respectively for me - the second literally dates back to when I was like twelve). Weird the scurrilous shit that clings to the ass-hairs of society for decades 🙄. Respect to celebrities that manage to not respond to trolls. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7336 "2026-06-13T22:52:07Z")
I remember it being being Dave Roberts (local Philadelphia news caster) for the hamster, and David Bowie for the stomach pumping. One variant was that it was Mick Jagger’s fluids that that were removed, though the question of how to identify it was not addressed. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2026, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7337 "2026-06-13T23:12:58Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > though the question of how to identify it was not addressed. The real, original inventor of DNA screening, who under these circumstances chose to be kept unnamed. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7338 "2026-06-14T18:15:35Z")
For me learning about such things in the early 90s it was Bowie and Sting for the stomach pumping (Bowie pumped, Sting the “donor”)… And I’ve only heard Richard Gere with a gerbil extraction. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7339 "2026-06-14T22:13:52Z")
I’ve heard of the gerbil extraction with a few different famous men’s names attached. I somehow missed the semen. Why would you need to pump someone’s stomach after swallowing a lot of semen? That doesn’t even make sense. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7340 "2026-06-14T22:18:17Z")
The gerbil story doesn’t make sense either. How can you get sexual gratification from a rodent in your bowels? Yes, I know rule 34, but this is just too absurd. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7341 "2026-06-14T22:20:09Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Why would you need to pump someone’s stomach after swallowing a lot of semen? That doesn’t even make sense. Ya got me, but I heard that same rumor when I was in high school, 45 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7342 "2026-06-14T23:09:44Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I’ve heard of the gerbil extraction with a few different famous men’s names attached. I somehow missed the semen. Why would you need to pump someone’s stomach after swallowing a lot of semen? That doesn’t even make sense. Both the semen and the gerbil have got their own _South Park_ episodes. [https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Sea\_People](https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Sea_People) [https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/The\_Death\_Camp\_of\_Tolerance](https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/The_Death_Camp_of_Tolerance) ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7343 "2026-06-14T23:16:19Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Why would you need to pump someone’s stomach after swallowing a lot of semen? That doesn’t even make sense. As I recall it, the person was rushed to the ER with severe stomach pains, so they pumped their stomach. _Why_ you’d analyze the contents for semen was left unstated. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7344 "2026-06-14T23:22:06Z")
I’d think that the semen would be very quickly absorbed. The gerbil not so much. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7345 "2026-06-14T23:45:30Z")
I could see the medical staff asking “Do you have any idea why you’re having these pains?” as part of the ED’s patient intake interview. Followed by a sheepish “Well, umm, I …” Anyone who’s actually worked EDs can confirm that foreign objects in rectums are not just a UL. I surely don’t know if small rodents in there are UL. But I’m prepared to accept documentary evidence it happened for real at least once somehow to somebody someplace. Once somebody comes up with said evidence. But it involving nearly every too-hawt-to-be-real Hollywood leading man? No way. ---
**Author:** ![Disinfectus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/disinfectus/32/11085_2.png) [@Disinfectus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disinfectus)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7346 "2026-06-15T00:30:42Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Anyone who’s actually worked EDs can confirm that foreign objects in rectums are not just a UL. I surely don’t know if small rodents in there are UL. There was a guy who went to the emergency room with 11 plastic horses in his rectum. After examining the man, the doctors described his condition as stable. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7347 "2026-06-15T00:44:08Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Why would you need to pump someone’s stomach after swallowing a lot of semen? That doesn’t even make sense. What makes even less sense is that it’s described as a quart of semen, sometimes two. Just how many men would you have to fellate to receive a quart, and if you’re a big, famous star when are you going to find the time? ---
**Author:** ![ShadowFacts](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfacts/32/2934_2.png) [@ShadowFacts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowFacts)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7348 "2026-06-15T00:55:57Z")
> [@Disinfectus](#): > > After examining the man, the doctors described his condition as stable. Go to your room. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7349 "2026-06-15T01:30:41Z")
Dan Jenkins described the process in his novel “You Gotta Play Hurt.” Apparently the participants blow cocaine up the rodents nostrils, then put him in the freezer for a bit. This kicks the gerbil into hibernation. Said gerbil is then inserted into a large condom, tied off with a string and then inserted into Party A’s oriface. The gerbil wakes up and in a coke-fueled frenzy starts pawing at the condom in close proximity to Party A’s prostate. This, couple with the attentions of Party B is supposed to produce overwhelming orgasms. Got me. I just report what I read. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7350 "2026-06-15T01:34:15Z")
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