# What were you THINKING? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 13, 2023, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532 "2023-10-13T19:36:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 351
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2026, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7391 "2026-06-16T20:55:17Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Another key factor is how much of this BS women will accept from prospective male partners. I saw a youtube video the other day where men were asked to write in what convinced them to leave the manosphere. One of the replies was “I wanted to date a woman.” ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7392 "2026-06-17T06:01:33Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > No need to belabor but I see it as similar someone claiming that All in the Family encouraged bigotry by having Archie say bigoted things. If people spread versions of the bigoted things Archie said without the rest of the show’s context for it, it would be analogous. And in the case of the homophobic stories people do do that - how do you know sometimes they weren’t picked up from what you think is a positive interaction and just shorn of the contextual “humour” that supposedly reverses the sting? You can’t. > [@Disinfectus](#): > > And you somehow think that eliminating talk about an old urban legend is going to make the world better for gay people. A little bit, yeah. Every little bit helps. > [@Disinfectus](#): > > There are far more things to worry about and try to change than policing people who make fun of others. Fallacy of false dichotomy. I can legislate for changes, teach my kids better, march in Pride, support rainbow businesses AND bitch about homophobic “humour” on the internet. > [@Disinfectus](#): > > And I say that as a gay man. That gives you no special standing - speaking as a bisexual man. > [@Disinfectus](#): > > I still find your argument to be absurd. Yet the stories still exist. > [@Disinfectus](#): > > you aren’t going to hear them say, “yes, I heard all about it on the SDMB.” Tell me you don’t know how urban legends work without telling me… > [@Disinfectus](#): > > You might be doing more damage by insisting it is a big deal Fallacy of appeal to consequences. The stories are still out there, this is not some lost legend. And it _is_ a big deal. > [@Miller](#): > > No, it’s not “doing homophobia’s work for it,” and pretending that a bunch middle aged pro-LGBT farts reminiscing about the dumb bigotries they heard in their youth is somehow aiding and abetting homophobia is just fucking stupid. Methinks I hit a nerve. That’s a guilty aggressive pushback reaction if ever i saw one. > [@Miller](#): > > Rod Stewart’s reputation may never recover. And I’m sure Rod Stewart remained completely unaffected when he hears the rumour repeated, and is asked about it on Katie Couric or has to address it in his autobiography - and so does every queer kid who hears a version of it now… ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7393 "2026-06-17T14:20:52Z")
So your bottom line is that we can’t make fun of the absurdity of homophobic rumors? Or even discuss it? It’s that attitude that gives those stories teeth. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7394 "2026-06-17T14:30:36Z")
Oh, discuss them - sure. I’m doing that myself. But who in this convo actually called them out specifically as homophobic before I raised it? I did a search on the word and _nada_ - maybe i missed it because it was caged in a stupid joke? “Make fun of” I’m less sanguine about. IMO all that does is let the actual homophobia skate without adequately calling it out. You know - “locker room talk”, “schoolboy humour” and similar bullshit excuses. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7395 "2026-06-17T14:33:41Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > But who in this convo actually called them out specifically as homophobic before I raised it? Some of don’t feel the need to point out that water is wet every time we talk about the rain. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7396 "2026-06-17T14:41:58Z")
When it’s acid that’s raining down, I think it’s good for everyone if you point it out every time. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7397 "2026-06-17T15:58:19Z")
How many home-schooled Far Right xian teens & college kids do you know? IMO those folks are Reactionary with a capital R. As suggested by several posters shortly after your post. The reality in hard red Amerika almost can’t be beleived until seen. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7398 "2026-06-17T16:34:23Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Methinks I hit a nerve. That’s a guilty aggressive pushback reaction if ever i saw one. Huh. Sounds like you’re trying to accuse me of something, but I’m not following the therapy speak well enough to parse out what. > [@MrDibble](#): > > And I’m sure Rod Stewart remained completely unaffected when he hears the rumour repeated, and is asked about it on Katie Couric or has to address it in his autobiography - and so does every queer kid who hears a version of it now… Katie: Rod, I know its an uncomfortable conversation, but the SDMB is _on fire_ right now with discussion of the forty-year-old rumor about you getting your stomach pumped, and we simply can’t proceed with this interview without addressing it. Rod, dropping to his knees: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! And seriously, “what about the children?” Setting aside how obnoxious that argument is on it’s own, this is the SDMB. Do we even have a member under the age of forty on here? ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7399 "2026-06-17T16:46:18Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Huh. Sounds like you’re trying to accuse me of something, but I’m not following the therapy speak well enough to parse out what. Sure, buddy, sure. I’m sure the straights all know you’re not like the other girls now, you can probably be less performative. > [@Miller](#): > > Katie: Rod, I know its an uncomfortable conversation, but the SDMB is _on fire_ She did, in fact, ask him about it. The Dope did not get a look-in. > [@Miller](#): > > this is the SDMB. Do we even have a member under the age of forty on here? Because no online conversation ever made it offline or onto other online fora 🙄 Although yes, we do have some \<40yo members. Also, not that it matters, but “queer kid” there is meant to cover 20-somethings as well. Same sense as “club kid”. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7400 "2026-06-17T16:59:36Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Sure, buddy, sure. I’m sure the straights all know you’re not like the other girls now, you can probably be less performative. “It’s homophobic if you’re not appropriately po-faced when you discuss this dumb rumor from the 80s. Also, if you disagree with me, you’re a girl.” Definitely not the direction I expected this thread to go in. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7401 "2026-06-17T17:47:32Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Sure, buddy, sure. I’m sure the straights all know you’re not like the other girls now, you can probably be less performative. All right, this is the pit and all, but really? I sympathize with the assertion that it would have been good to at least identify the slurs in question as homophobic when discussing them. I also find myself surprised at Miller’s pushback on this issue. But you’re not winning any friends here. Please, take a breath. You don’t have to have the last word. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7402 "2026-06-17T19:54:35Z")
Cute, acting like you don’t know the “not like the other girls” meme and performing outrage at seeming hypocrisy. Like I said - performative. > [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > But you’re not winning any friends here. What makes you think I _want_ to be friends with a bunch of people willing to softball homophobia for the lulz? ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7403 "2026-06-17T19:59:01Z")
I meant friends for your cause, not for you personally. I might have said “our cause” but I don’t want to be that closely associated with what you are doing. If your only cause here were reducing homophobia, then I would suggest you’re doing it wrong, but I don’t think it is. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7404 "2026-06-17T20:04:48Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I meant friends for your cause, not for you personally. Apparently they’re all already such strong supporters they can now afford to do bad jokes about it all, so no need there, I guess. > [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > If your only cause here were reducing homophobia, then I would suggest you’re doing it wrong, but I don’t think it is. Do tell. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7405 "2026-06-17T20:06:58Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Cute, acting like you don’t know the “not like the other girls” meme and performing outrage at seeming hypocrisy. Like I said - performative. So, you’re now doing the exact same thing you were complaining about others doing. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7406 "2026-06-17T20:08:07Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > do bad jokes about it …what the hell are you talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7407 "2026-06-17T20:43:15Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Cute, acting like you don’t know the “not like the other girls” meme and performing outrage at seeming hypocrisy. Oh, I’m entirely aware of it. You’re still trying to insult me by comparing me to a stereotype about women. Which, to be clear, I’m not really “outraged” by. I understand the phenomenon described by the “pick-me girl” stereotype, and I don’t object to calling it out, even bluntly the way you did to me just now. But it’s incredibly precious to do so in the context of lecturing people for discussing forty year old urban legends without signposting everywhere that the stories are homophobic and bad and also homophobic. “Remember these dumb stories about Rod Stewart?” is perpetuating homophobia, but “you’re not like other girls” is _not_ perpetuating misogyny? What sort of reasoning are you using that justifies the second but not the first? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7408 "2026-06-17T20:49:27Z")
This is the definition of crazy talk. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7409 "2026-06-17T21:46:18Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > When it’s acid that’s raining down, I think it’s good for everyone if you point it out every time. When every single participant in the conversation already knows and agrees that it’s acid, it’s unnecessary to keep repeating that fact while discussing its implications. But since you disagree, I’ll give you the solace of adding to my post: _Absurd rumors about men swallowing gargantuan amounts of semen are indisputably homophobic._ By the way, when I addressed someone who didn’t seem to understand this (in the general case, since the specifics were whether Jamie Lee Curtis is intersex or trans), I did point out that the rumor was “bigoted.” I doubt this absolves me from your vitriol, nor do I care, but FTR I think it’s misplaced. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/7410 "2026-06-17T22:21:37Z")
_This_ is **fascinating** But I don’t mean to interrupt. Carry on… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532.md?page=350) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532.md?page=352)