# What were you THINKING? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 13, 2023, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532 "2023-10-13T19:36:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 52
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1021 "2024-02-20T17:44:38Z")
And they modded me. Very helpfully I might add. No name calling or telling me to get back to my place. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1022 "2024-02-20T17:47:05Z")
I’ll push back a little on “attention whore,” actually. Making a slur part of a larger term doesn’t rob it of its power as a slur; and “whore” is a pretty classic misogynist slur. It’s probably not the best term to use, IMO. “Slut-shame” is different, I think, because its entire point is that the slur is inappropriate. That said, > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I had a goddamn opinion. Hey, I know you like to post defenses for your behavior that are both technically true and completely irrelevant, but “I had an opinion” is getting worn out from all the repeats. In case you want to mix it up, here are some other defenses for your behavior you could use: > [@](#): > > - I used nouns and verbs in my goddamn post. > - My username starts with a goddamn B. > - I used correct goddamn punctuation. > - I posted while it was goddamn light outside. > - I typed my post with both goddamn hands. These defenses are, like “I had a goddamn opinion,” both technically true and completely irrelevant to what you’re getting criticized for. Try them out! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1023 "2024-02-20T18:01:13Z")
My lord… seriously I understand you. I can see your point. Ok. So I can say my opinion. But repeating it was my opinion is not relevant. Because, why? My opinion is wrong or misinformed? Or simply I’m too dumb to understand how wrong I may be? Why is my opinion wrong? Because you say so? A consensus says so? I was led to believe my opinion is my own. Made by me. Felt by me. Not really important to others. Until and when they decide I’m so damned wrong they must speak up and disavow me of my right to have an opinion in the first place. Yep. That’s it. I get it. Go back to your place, Ol’ simpleton Beck. You dimwit. We don’t need your input. You just want attention, after all. You get none anywhere else. That must be it, you rural fuckin’ old lady. Thanks for enlightening me. My faucet is leaking and my ass never got fucked. Can you help me with that too? JFC. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1024 "2024-02-20T18:06:27Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I was led to believe my opinion is my own. Made by me. Felt by me. And because you made those opinions public it allows others to form and state opinions about you and your opinions. Made by them. Felt by them. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1025 "2024-02-20T18:07:09Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I’ll push back a little on “attention whore,” actually. Making a slur part of a larger term doesn’t rob it of its power as a slur; and “whore” is a pretty classic misogynist slur. It’s probably not the best term to use, IMO. > > “Slut-shame” is different, I think, because its entire point is that the slur is inappropriate. On reflection, I think you are right, thank you. I agree that slut-shaming should be used and also just slut as a reclaimed word provided context makes that clear, the point being that there is _no such thing as a slut_ in any historical derogatory sense. But co-opting either the word whore or slut into a derogatory expression like attention-whore (or a hypothetical similar expression attention-slut) seems to entail granting that the terms _are_ derogatory in their primary sense. Unless I’m missing something here, I’m starting to feel I should try to stop using that expression. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1026 "2024-02-20T18:08:28Z")
Totally ok with their opinions. I read them, filed them where I thought they should be. Never told anyone not to have one. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1027 "2024-02-20T18:08:32Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Why does it matter so much to you guys? Just why? I’m thinking it is less the position you take but the statements of (somewhat ill informed) opinion as facts and absolutes. The “You know it is true …” style. FWIW my WAG is that the thread would be pretty boring without someone disagreeing with the overwhelming consensus. And it must be acknowledged that your take is likely closer to the general population consensus than most of the other posters, or at least I suspect so: American society is very hung up on sexuality and on what values get transmitted in any manner within our schools. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1028 "2024-02-20T18:12:03Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > seriously I understand you. I can see your point. Holy shit, you could not possibly misunderstand me more if I were posting drunk in a language I do not speak. Nothing you wrote has _anything_ to do with what I said. It’s not that your _opinion_ is irrelevant. It’s that your posting “I have an opinion” over and over is irrelevant. SEE THE DIFFERENCE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I was led to believe my opinion is my own. Made by me. Felt by me. Much like your turds and farts, yes. Things made by you and felt by you can still stink up a place. If you want your opinion to get any goddamn respect–and this is something that third graders can understand–it needs to be logically connected to facts in a persuasive manner. Your opinion is your own, and I hereby pinky swear I won’t call the Opinion Police to break your door down and arrest you for having an opinion. Everybody else, would y’all give a similar pinky swear? Because beck is fucking terrified that we’re trying to use our mind control powers to rob her of her opinion. But if you offer your opinion without tying it to relevant facts in a persuasive manner, expect it to be derided. If your opinion is that people should suffer consequences, and you don’t offer relevant and persuasive facts, expect people to form an opinion of **you**. Have an opinion. But if you smear a big stinky one all over the board with both hands, expect to disgust a lot of people. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1029 "2024-02-20T18:12:27Z")
I agree with you. I can’t change society. If it is deemed by school boards/communities to be alright for teachers to do this. I’ll live with it. But in reality we’re a long way from this. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1030 "2024-02-20T18:18:00Z")
I’ll have you know, My shit don’t stink(that is a joke, just so you understand me)! You double speak me to death. How do you expect me to understand every damn thing you say? I may not get every point. I do have an understanding of written words. You are in-comprehensible sometimes. I get it. It makes you seem smart. More power to you. Simple it up dude. It makes life easier for us dimwits. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1031 "2024-02-20T18:19:55Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > How do you expect me to understand every damn thing you say? I don’t expect you to understand 10% of what I say. But I lack the patience or the motive to simplify further. There’s absolutely no indication that you’re paying any goddamned attention to what people are saying, that you have the inclination or the capacity to do so. Again, I’ve taught third graders how to write opinion pieces. Would a concept map help you out? A planning page? Maybe you’ll change my mind on this, but I’m not holding my breath. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I get it. Keep telling yourself that. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1032 "2024-02-20T18:21:04Z")
Oh, I get it alright. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1033 "2024-02-20T18:22:19Z")
These exchanges are pretty strong evidence that the poster in question is not interested in nor capable of taking in anything that looks or smells like criticism. Insistence is futile. ---
**Author:** ![Sylvanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sylvanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylvanz)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1034 "2024-02-20T18:22:28Z")
I totally agree with, “Attention whore,” it’s a nasty, and imho misogynistic term. I think we should do better here. I’m just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1035 "2024-02-20T18:26:01Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’m nobody’s victim. But fate. I found this so ironic it hurt a little to read it. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1036 "2024-02-20T18:26:02Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Oh, I get it alright. For the first time, you’ve made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1037 "2024-02-20T18:28:41Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > On reflection, I think you are right, thank you. I agree that slut-shaming should be used and also just slut as a reclaimed word provided context makes that clear, the point being that there is _no such thing as a slut_ in any historical derogatory sense. > > But co-opting either the word whore or slut into a derogatory expression like attention-whore (or a hypothetical similar expression attention-slut) seems to entail granting that the terms _are_ derogatory in their primary sense. Unless I’m missing something here, I’m starting to feel I should try to stop using that expression. > [@Sylvanz](#): > > I totally agree with, “Attention whore,” it’s a nasty, and imho misogynistic term. I think we should do better here. I’m just sayin’. Makes sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1038 "2024-02-20T18:34:15Z")
I prefer the term attention junkie. It’s like they’re addicted and go into withdrawal without it, and get desperate for another fix, so will do anything to get it. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1039 "2024-02-20T18:38:21Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I am a much nicer person when i don’t hurt. I had a really bad back ache for a couple of weeks, and during the worst of it i could barely walk and life was just painful. It made me a worse person. > > Beck’s got a lot of serious medical conditions. I try to remember that. > > Also, i got the joke about the bears. Maybe because I’ve told the exact same joke about foxes. But I could do without the slut shaming. And yes, Beck, you definitely went beyond “i don’t think it’s a good idea to post porn” and well into slut shaming. > > But ya know, if someone annoys you, the best bet is to stop responding to them. Beck is right that we are all here for attention. We aren’t writing diary entries to ourselves, we hope that someone else will read our posts, think about them, maybe learn something, maybe get a laugh, maybe just think about them. But we are here to interact with each other. If another poster annoys you, stop giving them that attention. Just skip over their posts, unless you need to read them for continuity. Or use the ignore function. It makes the board a nicer place. ⁢ I don’t agree that we’re all here for attention. I’m not. I’m here to have conversations, debunk falsehoods, and enjoy myself. Stuff like that. And I don’t think Beck is, either. I think she’s here to socialize (in part because she can’t in her “real” life). And I think she genuinely thinks that porn is horrible and that it’s wrong for women to even voluntarily associate with it. I think she genuinely thinks that the only reasons why anyone could disagree are that they don’t know better or are some sort of creep. Thing is, that’s wrong. And of course the people who hate bigotry are going to point out that this take is anti-sex-worker bigotry. They aren’t going to want to put her on ignore and let her spew it all without anyone debunking it. Putting her on ignore only is helpful if you see the problem as just “Beck is bad.” If you are like me, and see it as “Beck has started alienating people with some odious views,” then it’s not a good option. Putting someone on ignore means I’ve given up on them. I would love to say I regret posting about her here. And I do accept her apology on the snarky phrase. But I do think that some bad stuff is coming out, some very SWERF-adjacent argument—and that needs to be dealt with. The underlying issue is not “Beck is annoying.” That was what was the case before for those who didn’t like her “Bad, Bad, Bad” threads. Annoying is not the same thing as infuriating, and infuriating isn’t the same as “saying some horrible crap that needs to be debunked.” There are Dopers who will not put anyone who says bigoted stuff on ignore, so they can continue refuting them. I wish I had that fortitude, but I do not. But I very much do not want it to get to the point where I have to put Beck on ignore. Like I said, I generally like her. I like her silliness. I like her more practical advice. I like her rural sensibilities, which remind me of family I have in the region. And I like her jokes and stories. It is this new aspect of her personality that I do not like. I wish she would listen to criticism and at least try to do better, rather than trying to burn all bridges. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2024, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-were-you-thinking/991532/1040 "2024-02-20T18:40:14Z")
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