# What whimsical taxes would you support? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2021, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956 "2021-05-13T01:44:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2021, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/41 "2021-05-13T23:31:19Z")
This thread reminds of old joke Bod Dole used tell regarding Senator Ted Kennedy: > I remember one day on the floor I said, now gentlemen, let me tax your memories, and Kennedy jumped up and said, “Why haven’t we thought of that before?” ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2021, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/42 "2021-05-14T04:02:01Z")
$100 tax for using the expression “reach out” to mean “call”. Jail time if the purpose of “reaching out” is adversarial or challenging, minimum sentencing applies, and three strikes you’re out. $100 for answering a question starting with “So, . . .”. $1,000 for televising a male sports event with a female side-lines commentator who not competent to do the color itself. (There are a few of the latter) ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2021, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/43 "2021-05-14T05:54:53Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > and answering a question by saying “How long is a piece of string?” See I really don’t agree with this one. There are people that ask questions that are unanswerable and which - had they thought about it for three seconds - they would or should have known were unanswerable. They deserve an answer like this. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2021, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/44 "2021-05-14T07:23:24Z")
A tax on not wearing puffy directing pants. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2021, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/45 "2021-05-14T17:58:25Z")
A tax on anyone who has hardware sticking out of their face. Double tax if it’s sticking out of their nose. Triple tax if they are preparing food for the public. A tax on anyone using the phrase ‘acting out’ where the phrase ‘being a total shit’ is more appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/46 "2021-05-15T04:40:07Z")
A tax on sweetened drinks that you never see, drunk through a sharp straw in the pierced container – which contain artificial food coloring. Colored for no apparent reason except force of habit. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/47 "2021-05-15T11:45:02Z")
The phrase: “Your call is important to us.” would result in… Is using the cat-o-nine-tails on a CEO considered a tax? Or would we need to put it on pay-per-view and actually collect money? ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/48 "2021-05-15T12:52:25Z")
A tax on any product falsely claiming to be healthy, specifically targeted at Snackwells and similar high sugar, low fat things. A similar tax on expensive convenience, or whatever can be done to justify a tax on Lunchables. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/49 "2021-05-15T13:05:15Z")
A tax on people who try to enter trains or elevators before waiting passengers attempt to enter or exit. An anti-royalty tax on the playing of songs by the band Imagine Dragons. A tax on people who point out the difference between ‘literally’ and ‘figuratively’, and an additional tax on people who point out that these terms are effectively synonymous nowadays and an even greater tax on people who flippantly suggest that it’s pointless to discuss the meaning of words because language is always changing. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/50 "2021-05-15T14:24:34Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > $1,000 for televising a male sports event with a female side-lines commentator who not competent to do the color itself. (There are a few of the latter) One million dollar tax for any network having Troy Aikman or Joe Buck appear during a sports event. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/51 "2021-05-15T14:30:02Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > A similar tax on expensive convenience, or whatever can be done to justify a tax on Lunchables. At one point in Pennsylvania’s pandemic response (last fall?), it was decided that it was safer drinking outdoors if drinkers were required to have food in front of them. At a brewery I visited you were required to buy a Lunchable, but were told not to eat it. If you ate it you’d have to buy another. The garbage cans were filled with plastic cups and untouched but opened Lunchables. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/52 "2021-05-15T18:44:54Z")
A $5 tax, payable to the callee, each time you call someone to express concern that their car’s warranty has expired. Plus an additional $20 fine if you call again **after** leaving a voice mail saying a call is a final courtesy call. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/53 "2021-05-15T20:47:56Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > $50,000 tax on beagles. underlining mine. I believe you misspelled “bounty”. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/54 "2021-05-15T20:50:03Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Colored for no apparent reason except force of habit. They need to stain your shirt some color, why not that one? ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/55 "2021-05-15T21:35:08Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I believe you misspelled “bounty”. A neighbor had a few beagles, and they were not house dogs, he kept them in a kennel outside. The noise was unbearable at times and I admit my mind turned to murderous thoughts more than once. One day, one of the little bastards escaped and made it’s way to my yard. I thought I finally had my chance to act. But the damn thing walked right up to me and was the sweetest little dog in the world. Nope, no way I could do it. A bounty would punish the wrong actor, a tax on the owner gets it right. Payable to me, of course. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/56 "2021-05-15T21:49:05Z")
I have no problem with bounties on beagle owners either. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/57 "2021-05-15T22:14:24Z")
Does the owner look like the Beagle Boys? (Link to picture surpressed by SDMB software.) We have a local dog park. People walk their pooches there. Some of the dogs are a bit jumpy or barky but no one much minds. One exception was the lady who went there just to eat a sandwich (sub). Didn’t seem to have a dog. Got super mad when a dog jumped up at her and ate the whole thing in one gulp. She was annoyed and screaming, but no one makes you go to a dog park to eat. Dogs are often interested in food. Not sure where the tax should be there, maybe just the sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2021, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/58 "2021-05-15T23:49:25Z")
If only we could enact a tax on stupidity. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2021, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/59 "2021-05-16T02:58:11Z")
There is one: Lotto. ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2021, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956/60 "2021-05-16T06:13:02Z")
Add a zero if the callee has not owned a car in a decade. $100 for long dog leashes. Double on hybrid walk/bike trails. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-whimsical-taxes-would-you-support/941956.md?page=4)