# What will it goddamn, assdicking, motherfucking take to wake my sorry groggy ass up? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450 "2003-09-24T01:57:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/21 "2003-09-24T12:19:50Z")
Go to bed earlier. Get up later. Lock the alarm clock in a box, and put the key in another room at the bottom of a deep jug of water. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/22 "2003-09-24T15:24:16Z")
I had a similar problem-- snooze buttons were my friend. I tried metal at full blast, talk radio, pop crap… even country to no avail. After having been written up at work for tardiness, I invested in the true grandaddy of GET YER ASS OUTTA BED alarm clock: [Big Ben](http://www.alarmclocksonline.com/pages/2/index.htm) from Westclox. I’ve had one for a year now and often find myself waking up BEFORE it rings just so I don’t have to hear it. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/23 "2003-09-24T16:18:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MissTake \* > After having been written up at work for tardiness, I invested in the true grandaddy of GET YER ASS OUTTA BED alarm clock: > [Big Ben](http://www.alarmclocksonline.com/pages/2/index.htm) from Westclox. > I’ve had one for a year now and often find myself waking up BEFORE it rings just so I don’t have to hear it. Man, those babies are a bitch, I tell ya! I’ve got both the Big Ben and a regular digital alarm. The bell on the Big Ben clocks is probably the most annoying, ear-splitting cacophany I can imagine. Unfortunately you have to wind the bell, and it only goes off for so long before it dies down. I’ve managed to learn to sleep through it now after owning and using one for a year. If only they could replicate that sound in a digital clock that wouldn’t die down if you didn’t turn it off. ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/24 "2003-09-24T16:21:35Z")
I have become desensitized to my alarm, to the point when I find a way to somehow work it into my dreams instead of realizing that it’s actually beeping. In fact, I’m not even sure whether it beeps in the morning, because I never seem to hear it then. I need a new alarm clock. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/25 "2003-09-24T16:50:43Z")
Only 1 other person has mentioned this. Go to bed earlier. If you aren’t getting enough sleep, even the Japanese samari alarmclock that stomps around your room screaming (in Japanese) “The castle is under attack, the castle is under attack” isn’t going to be enough. Sounds like you just need more shuteye. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/26 "2003-09-24T17:33:01Z")
Are you disinterested in school? Or in your early classes? I would have slept through a dynamite blast in order to avoid going to Econ 101 way back when. Next semester I arranged my schedule so that I would have an interesting subject first thing in the morning. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/27 "2003-09-24T17:46:07Z")
I keep a bottle of caffeine pills and a glass of water by my bed and set the alarm for 15 minutes before I have to get out of bed. Alarm, swallow . . . wait for it . . . TIGGER BOUNCE right outta bed. ---
**Author:** ![Forbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Forbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Forbin)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/28 "2003-09-25T03:55:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*I’m thinking a good assdicking would actually probably wake you up but good. \*\* Hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/29 "2003-09-25T04:37:11Z")
Nothing works for me. I suck at electrical wiring and couldn’t build [My Diabolical Wake-Up Call](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83348&highlight=diabolical), although the initial testing was not without… illumination. The best thing I have now is a girlfriend who has the same problem and who has to get up earlier than I do. Somehow _I_ get up to wake _her_ up. Once I’ve tormented her into activity, I know I have to be awake when she’s ready to go, or I’ll have the same horridness visited upon me. That creates a certain… sense of urgency. Once The Tigress is awake and thinking about settling the score, work seems like a safe refuge. ---
**Author:** ![DeepPurple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@DeepPurple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeepPurple)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/30 "2003-09-25T04:52:08Z")
Really, **MWTGG** , I got nothing. What do I got? Nothing. My only thought, which I’m somehow compelled to mention, relates to your other thread. I’ve noticed that when I’m depressed, as I’m coming out of the pits, I get very sleepy. I would suggest walking an extra mile every day & sleeping as much as possible. Since you said “lately”, I’m gonna think good thoughts for you & hope that this is temporary. ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/31 "2003-09-25T07:00:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RealTronic \* > \*\*In Japan the public railroad company has developed the guaranteed perfect alarm clock. > > It works like this: > > There is a tube of pressurized air connected to the alarm clock, and when the alarm goess off - it releases air into a pouch which is mounted under your mattress in your bed. It fills rapidly and will tilt you in a really awkward angle making it impossible to sleep through. If mounted in a certain way, and given a big enough size of the air pouch, I guess it could tip you off the bed too… > > This alarm system is mounted in all train masters’ bedrooms making sure they are ALWAYS on time for work. \*\* Ok, that’s hilarious…but wow, I’d be pissed the first time I rolled out of bed tho…I can promise it’d happen, lol. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/32 "2003-09-25T07:10:11Z")
What you need is a hungry baby screaming to be fed! Works a charm. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/33 "2003-09-25T07:12:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MissTake \* > **I had a similar problem-- snooze buttons were my friend. I tried metal at full blast, talk radio, pop crap… even country to no avail.** Have you tried rap? That’d get me up. Can’t stand the stuff. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/34 "2003-09-25T11:04:09Z")
I have no witty, clever suggestions. Just wanted to echo the “more than one alarm clock” thing. We have one on the nightstand - loud, annoying _beep beep beep_ type, and another one in the next room - again, a loud, annoying _beep beep beep_ type. The second one is set several minutes after the first. Usually I wake up about 15 minutes before the first one is set to go off (circadian rhythms and all that shit), and I either get up right away and turn both alarms off, or rest until the first one goes off. Boyfriend Jeremy turns that one off, since his side of the bed is closer to the nightstand, and I jolt upright, sometimes let out a groan of misery, then get out of bed, go to the next room, and turn the second one off. Lately Jer or I will then reset the first alarm for his wake-up time, since he’s back in school now. But let me tell you, that second alarm in the other room has saved my ass quite a few times when one of us has turned the primary alarm off in our sleep. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/35 "2003-09-25T11:05:30Z")
The irony (or is it really irony? don’t want to pull an Alanis) of this is, as I posted that, the alarm went off for Jer’s wake-up, and he turned it off. No idea if he reset it. He’ll stir at some point, I’m sure. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/36 "2003-09-25T12:55:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doebi \* > Only 1 other person has mentioned this. > > Go to bed earlier. > > If you aren’t getting enough sleep, even the Japanese samari alarmclock that stomps around your room screaming (in Japanese) “The castle is under attack, the castle is under attack” isn’t going to be enough. > > Sounds like you just need more shuteye. Thanks, captain obvious! :rolleyes: Seriously, that’s generally sound advice, but it’s not always that simple. I’ll echo the poster above who said to check into getting a sleep test done. Sleep apnea and other sleep disorders are very likely to leave you groggy and disoriented in the morning and make getting up a bitch. If you’re not staying in deep sleep and getting enough oxygen to your brain then no amount of ‘sleep’ is ever going to make you feel rested. FTR I sleep generally 10-12 hours most nights and still feel like shit in the morning. It takes me a good 30-45 minutes after my alarm goes off to become cognizant enough to drag myself out of bed and start getting ready for the day. On the weekends I try and sleep around 15 hours a night, and that’s not counting naps. Sometimes getting to bed earlier isn’t the answer. Check out [Talk About Sleep](http://www.talkaboutsleep.org) for more information on sleep apnea and other sleep disorders. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/37 "2003-09-25T13:29:34Z")
I bought an alarm clock last year that I still haven’t set up to use. I guess I’m waiting for me to start having serious wake-up problems. Anyway, it clips to your pillow and vibrates. You might look into this–if you’ve managed to shut out sound stimuli, maybe adding a different sort of stimulus would work. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/38 "2003-09-25T13:53:32Z")
Me, I have my alarm hooked up to a firehose… ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/39 "2003-09-26T02:09:27Z")
My snooze goes off for about two hours every morning. I’ve used windups, digital alarms with snooze, and combinations thereof to no avail. If I want to sleep, I sleep, to the extent that I have dreams that focus on me solving mechanical puzzles. Wanna guess what I’m fiddling with in real life? Fuck. The strange part? When I had a roommate who had an alarm clock that was within my hearing distance, his would wake me up no problem. I don’t get it. Assdicking _does_ sound like it could be a solution, but I am not sure there are many volunteers at my place. I think my roommate’s fiance would have some problems with it. Of course, if I get her a strap-on… ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450/40 "2003-09-26T20:56:52Z")
I see a lot of suggestions for placing the alarm clock within’ walking distance, and timers with inconvients switches and so on…, but this doesn’t appear to be the problem. \*\* The Man With The Golden Gun \*\* has the same problem I do, it doesn’t matter where the alarm clock is - I can sleep right through the alarm clock for like 20 minutes of it going off, not hearing a sound! That’s the problem. What worked for me was a CD with one track and playing the loudest song I could find - Eminems _Amityville_. The combination of a high pitched voice with loud ass snares seems to work for me. Man that is loud. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-it-goddamn-assdicking-motherfucking-take-to-wake-my-sorry-groggy-ass-up/203450.md?page=3)