# What will you do if the constitutional ban on gay marriage passes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 19, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925 "2004-02-19T02:14:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/41 "2004-02-19T23:03:19Z")
> [@Barbarian](#): > > I’d be an insufferable know-it-all and remind everyone that you get the government that you vote for, especially if you’re too much of an idiot to bother voting. I didn’t vote for this government. In fact, I understand quite a FEW people didn’t vote for this government… ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/42 "2004-02-20T00:25:10Z")
> [@Arcana](#): > > Since I don’t know any gay couples it won’t affect me a bit; however, being as they’ve already given fairies, rainbows, and purple a bad name I’d be glad that there is at least one thing that is still sacred. Are you for real? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/43 "2004-02-20T00:46:45Z")
I’d most definitely march, protest and campaign. Whatever it would take. And then, I’d be deeply disappointed and ashamed for our country. Other than that, I would hope that like **plnnr** said, we’d swing back towards some sort of sanity. ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/44 "2004-02-20T01:18:32Z")
**I’m curious as to how people will react if a constitutional ban on gay marriage passes in the United States.** I’d be dissapointed and a little scared - if there’s an Amendment for THAT, there could be one for any topic-du-jour. Besides, let the gay folks marry! Concidering the divorce rate among us breeders, things couldn’t possibly get worse. Married Four Years and Holding, Patty ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/45 "2004-02-20T01:38:21Z")
> [@Arcana](#): > > Since I don’t know any gay couples it won’t affect me a bit; however, being as they’ve already given fairies, rainbows, and purple a bad name I’d be glad that there is at least one thing that is still sacred. PURPLE has been given a bad name?!?! Wow, shame on me for wearing a purple dress on my wedding day! What WAS I thinking. (The above was sarcasm, and I hope Arcana just forgot to put a smiley after his or her post.) Patty ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/46 "2004-02-20T01:58:08Z")
> [@Manda JO](#): > > I’ve wondered if suc an amendment happens if, ethically, I will have to get divorced. I’m married now, and I’ve no plans to leave my relationship, but if the federal government’s definition of marriage is that twisted and sick, is it ethically right to continue to take advantage of it when it is denied to so many others? > > On the other hand, I’m not sure I have the courage of my convictions. I LIKE being married. There are a lot of advantages to it: that’s the whole point of this debate. Part of me feels like if all right-thinking hetero couples were to civilly divorce, it might at least keep the issue alive and public, and leave the chance for a repeal down the road. But it’s a very scary thought. That was actually my first thought when I opened this thread. “Holy shit, I’d have to divorce my husband…but I like being married, that’s why I married him!” But I really feel like I’d be the world’s biggest hypocrite if I stayed married given my feelings on this amendment… Other than divorcing my husband, I would do whatever else it took to get the amendment repealed. I’d be pretty shocked, disgusted, and heart broken. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/47 "2004-02-20T02:04:04Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > I’ll be sorely disappointed; however, we should all remember that the “noble experiment” of Prohibition was incorporated into the Constitution as the 18th Amendment in 1919 and then repealed in 1933. There is some history of the US citizenry coming to its collective senses and saying “Damn, what the hell were we smoking when we agreed to that?” This is more or less what I was going to say. I will wring every last tear from my heart, weeping for the friends and everyone else I don’t personally know for whom such an amendment is nothing less than a screwdriver jabbed into the eye, until the organ that pumps my blood is as tough as beef jerky; and then I shall throw myself into the campaign to have the odious amendment repealed, taking small comfort in the knowledge that even Constitutional text is subject to review and revision, given the political will. More and more, though, I’m wondering if the United States can possibly hold together as a nation. I don’t know how likely it is, but I can’t say I’ll be surprised if, a hundred years from now, there are two countries where now there is one: the Union of Freethinking Granolababies and the Federation of Fundamentalist Buttwipes. Guess which one I’ll be living in… ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/48 "2004-02-20T02:20:16Z")
I’ll shrug my shoulders,wonder how long it is likely to be until it is repealed(or even if it will be) and go about my daily business. I will take some time to pray for the nation. And then I will go off to work and prepare myself to be bombarded by people seeking information about leaving the U.S. or various other related concerns(assuming that I am employed by a public library by that time). And **Cervaise** , just out of curiousity what sort of geographic boundaries do you envision these two new nations might have? ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/49 "2004-02-20T02:24:11Z")
I feel we may be seeing a new civil war over this. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/50 "2004-02-20T03:03:16Z")
> [@elfbabe](#): > > Same thing I’m already planning on doing. Try to keep my grades up, try to get into Canadian grad schools. And you planned to notify your parents about this _when_? Dadgop ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/51 "2004-02-20T04:00:52Z")
By **Eureka** : “I’ll shrug my shoulders,wonder how long it is likely to be until it is repealed(or even if it will be) and go about my daily business.” \ That would be my reaction. I’m not interested in fighting _every_ battle, and I don’t have a dog in this particular fight. To those who do, sincere good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/52 "2004-02-20T08:12:19Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > And you planned to notify your parents about this _when_? > > Dadgop Priceless. _rolls on floor laughing at the idea of family discussions held on a messageboard_ **Cervaise** , Western society gets more enlightened as time passes 99% of the time. The good guys _are_ going to win on this one; it may just take longer than it ought to. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/53 "2004-02-20T12:53:13Z")
Based on the replies so far, join the local Welcome Wagon and immigrant support group to help a horde of g&l Dopers coming north. Welcome to the Great White North! And remember, in -42 weather, even a parka is stylish! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/54 "2004-02-20T13:53:11Z")
> [@Jeeves](#): > > I admire everyone who says they would stay and fight. I have to admit though, if a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage passed, I would probably leave. My partner and I have discussed this, and we both agree that a constitutional amendment says it pretty loud and clear, America does not want queers. If that is the case, these queers won’t stay. We both love Vancouver, and have talked about living there someday for a couple of years anyway. So if a constitutional amendment passed, these queers would become Canada Queers. I think the people will change a lot faster than the dusty old fucks who are running the show. It’s getting better all the time. No one’s eyes turned inside-out when Queer Eye hit the airwaves. The people who were afraid due to lack of exposure are taking a “who gives a shit” attitude more and more. It takes time (unfortunately), but it’s going to be OK. I truly believe that. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/55 "2004-02-20T20:33:04Z")
Two pages into the thread, and I’m finding that the response warms the cockles of my heart. I’m shocked and appalled that my heart actually has cockles, though. Seriously, to all of the people who’ve responded so far, thanks. It’s been really encouraging. As to what I’d do… Maybe it’s because I just finished off _The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay_, and maybe it’s because a distrust for authority seems to be part of my genetic makeup, but once discrimination against my family is encoded not just in law, but in the Constitution, I’m going to leave the country. And I’m going to drag my boyfriend with me. My reasons for dreading the passage of such an amendment are, I admit, vague. I keep thinking that, if discrimination against us is Constitutionally sanctioned, how can we trust the police and the courts to protect us as diligently as they do straight people? How can we be sure that violence against gay people will not spread, and that the perpetrators of that violence will be coddled by a justice system that now recognizes the victims as second-class citizens? Once the Constitution has declared that we’re unworthy of equality, what new laws will pass that will restrict our freedoms? Certainly, these are fuzzy visions, vague premonitions of doom, paranoia even. But if any of what I fear comes to pass, it will happen gradually, and the freedoms we don’t value much will erode first, and by the time it gets to be obvious that we should leave, leaving may be much harder. If I’m wrong, we’ll have spent a couple of years in a foreign country, watching as sanity is restored to our home, and we’ll return shamefaced and grateful. If I’m right, though, we’ll be safe. I’ll have gotten the man I love out of danger. From what I understand, the rise of fascism is aided by the presence of both an external and an internal threat. A population must be kept in fear, and suspicious of each other as well as of the world outside their borders. If gay people become the scapegoat on which our domestic woes are blamed, while the endless and ill-defined war on terrorism rages on the world stage, it provides the opportunity for the adminsitration to secure a stranglehold on the governance of the country, and to try for the domination of the world. Far-fetched? Yeah. I know it is. It’s hard to believe. But it’s not impossible. I don’t want to risk even the slimmest possibility of the man I love and I becoming pawns in that scenario. Besides which, I’ve always wanted to try living in South America. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/56 "2004-02-20T21:23:26Z")
I like **Manda Jo’s** idea. Not that I expect this amendment to do any better than the anti-flag-burning amendment – the US doesn’t cotton so well to amendments that **restrict** freedom – but if it looked like it was going to pass, we non-homophobes would be well-served to start a public campaign. “Look,” we’ll say. “We love our spouses, and we’ll still be married in our hearts. But if you conservatives think that marriage is the foundation of society, you need to consider what you’re doing very carefully. _We pledge to file for divorce on the same day that this amendment is added to the Constitution_. If you show us that legal marriage is a homophobic institution, then we want nothing to do with it. And if you get this amendment passed, you’ll be responsible for thousands upon thousands of divorces.” It’s activism Oral Roberts style! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/57 "2004-02-20T23:56:07Z")
I’d peacefully participate in the nearest public protest/riot that I could find. I’d be tempted to try and get arrested, but I might find enough will power to try and hold out for somehow getting arrested while trying to get married in violation of the Constitution. Soon after that (whether or not it would be a parole violation), I’d immediately flit off with my partner somewhere to get hitched where it is legally recognized, if only for the duration of the trip. Whether or not we’d stay living in the US is a question I can’t answer yet. Returning home and hunkering down to fight the good fight to undo the damage is certainly an option. Living abroad in married exile and fighting from afar to undo the damage is certainly an option. Either way I’d be encouraging disillusioned married straight folk to divorce…encouraging disillusioned unmarried straight folk not to participate in the tainted, festering boil that being married in the states would become…stirring the shit…keeping the issue unavoidably on the social and political radar… The real dilemma for me would be weighing which of my options would be best for me as an individual, and which would be best for the cause. If I were commited to continuing to fight the fight, regardless of where I was, where would my physical location be the most valuable? Would the act of my partner and I withdrawing our citizenship in the US in protest be signifigant enough? Or would working as citizens, from the inside, be more signifigant? All rhetorical questions of course, but I would need to find answers to my satisfaction before I could really answer the OP with any certainty. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/58 "2004-02-21T02:11:19Z")
Gay Pride parade mass weddings will make the Unification Church mass weddings look like private intimate affairs. Cops are going to look at each other and shrug their shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925/59 "2004-02-21T03:10:28Z")
Let me know when the bus leaves for Washington. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-will-you-do-if-the-constitutional-ban-on-gay-marriage-passes/229925.md?page=2)