# What would an office staffed solely by Dopers be like? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 25, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364 "2007-01-25T02:41:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/1 "2007-01-25T02:41:19Z")
Assuming, of course, that they would: a)show up for work in the first place; and b)actually do some work, instead of surfing all day. Alternate universes have been discussed recently in other forums—surely such a workplace would qualify? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/2 "2007-01-25T02:43:50Z")
Depending on which Dopers were hired, it might be very much like a Steel Cage Electrified Barbed Wire Death Match. Or an orgy. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/3 "2007-01-25T02:50:26Z")
Is that \*\*Sampiro \*\*over there by the watercooler? Man, he has the best stories, but no one gets anything done when he gets going! Did you hear, [**Mouse\_Maven** is pregnant!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=404949) ! Guess she’s been a little overwhelmed down in the lab, and now we know why! Check out [**featherlou** ’s new outfit!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=405416) She is one brave lady to wear that to a board meeting! [**Liberal** ’s yelling at **Diogenes**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=405358) about some thing he said about American Idol. God, why don’t they just get a room already?! …Prob’ly about like that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/4 "2007-01-25T02:59:34Z")
_ **FUN!** _ Someplace I’d actually look forward to going. Even at 8:00 in the a-freakin’-m. Even on a Saturday. May I put in a requisition for my department now? I’d like all the MMPers to be in my division. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/5 "2007-01-25T03:16:47Z")
Hopelessly embroiled in arguments concerning agonizing minutiae that nobody else would ever care about. No actual work would get done, as all inhabitants would spend all their time researching cites such as arcane references to the correct Celtic origin of the word “the”. Meetings would devolve into arguments about the proper placement of a semicolon in the last memo from the boss. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/6 "2007-01-25T03:24:46Z")
I’m not sure about it as an office, but as a business… Top heavy, with 12,423,000,371,869 administative assistants even more idea people in marketing, an R&D division that knows no limits, a board and top floor coming to fisticuffs in **GD** over what color of _pants_ our Washington lobbyist should wear… and **Rick** , **Crafter Man** , **danceswithcats** and MAYBE a handful of others sweating to make this month’s ships. …And everyone would be too busy editing their posts to actually get any work done. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/7 "2007-01-25T03:25:58Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] Hopelessly embroiled in arguments concerning agonizing minutiae that nobody else would ever care about. No actual work would get done, as all inhabitants would spend all their time researching cites such as arcane references to the correct Celtic origin of the word “the”. Meetings would devolve into arguments about the proper placement of a semicolon in the last memo from the boss. [/QUOTE] And discussions and meetings would last forever due to workers (like, say, **Jodi** ) speaking up who don’t have anything to say except “I agree with everything the last person [like, say, **Chefguy**] said.” ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/8 "2007-01-25T03:30:19Z")
Well, they’d spend a lot of time waiting for the server to respond. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/9 "2007-01-25T03:50:43Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > instead of surfing all day. Yeah, that was my first thought. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/10 "2007-01-25T03:53:42Z")
Hey! Some of us can perform their day-to-day functions AND rack up huge post counts! ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/11 "2007-01-25T04:18:35Z")
“These 4th quarter projections don’t look so good.” “Cite!” ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/12 "2007-01-25T04:46:44Z")
Yep. There’d be a lot of asking for cites. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/13 "2007-01-25T05:04:29Z")
Hey, I’m productive! I only check the Dope four or five times a day, and then more-or-less during scheduled breaks. (Except during OT, when I can pipe the printable versions of threads through a speech synthesizer without driving my cube neighbor insane. Then I guess I’m still productive, I just giggle more.) I think it would actually be a bit awkward, if we all worked in the same office. What with all the flirting, there’d be a _lot_ of hot office sex. I know there’s a few of you that I’d totally bone. And then horribly regret, because it would mess up the professional dynamic. “Oh, I can’t do deliver that report right now, people will think I’m giving you preferential treatment because we’re going at it like monkeys.” “What the hell? I needed this on Tuesday and it’s been on your desk longer than I have!” _THIS POST MAY BE IN DANGER OF VIOLATING THE ‘POSTING UNDER THE INFLUENCE’ GUIDELINE – CAN YOU TELL?_ ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/14 "2007-01-25T05:30:56Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] Meetings would devolve into arguments about the proper placement of a semicolon in the last memo from the boss. [/QUOTE] No sane person would even attempt to Boss this crew. It would be considerably easier to herd cats. Uphill. In the snow. ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/15 "2007-01-25T05:39:39Z")
One word…Heaven… I would rather work with a doper anyday than the few people I do work with… Brendon ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/16 "2007-01-25T05:46:08Z")
[QUOTE=Oakminster] No sane person would even attempt to Boss this crew. It would be considerably easier to herd cats. Uphill. In the snow. [/QUOTE] Barefoot! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/17 "2007-01-25T08:02:36Z")
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth] Hey! Some of us can perform their day-to-day functions AND rack up huge post counts! [/QUOTE] Hell, for the last three days my job has consisted of waiting for my bosses to come up with something for me to do. One of them thinks I’m hilarious: he’d given me five tasks and I finished them in five days (I went real slow, didn’t want to make people look bad)… apparently others take about three times as much and complain they’re overloaded. Oops. Sorry, ain’t been here long enough to know how slow should I go. We’d need a huge kitchen for all those cooks to teach those of us who grew up with minimalist cooking or with no cooking at all. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/18 "2007-01-25T09:28:47Z")
The in-jokes would be _ferocious_. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/19 "2007-01-25T12:05:30Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] Hell, for the last three days my job has consisted of waiting for my bosses to come up with something for me to do. One of them thinks I’m hilarious: he’d given me five tasks and I finished them in five days (I went real slow, didn’t want to make people look bad)… apparently others take about three times as much and complain they’re overloaded. Oops. Sorry, ain’t been here long enough to know how slow should I go. [/QUOTE] Ditto. If I didn’t read the SDMB, I would have to come up with a new way to take longer. What a cruel, cruel office place this would be! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![notthatagain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@notthatagain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notthatagain)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364/20 "2007-01-25T12:31:48Z")
[QUOTE=cornflakes] …an R&D division that knows no limits… [/QUOTE] We’d learn them sissy “Myth Busters” fellers a thing or two! I’m in for R&D - There wouldn’t be a cooler job on the planet. Just imagine the “101 practical and amusing uses for explosives” handbooks we could get to market! And cookbooks too! Now _this_ is a fantasy worth entertaining! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-an-office-staffed-solely-by-dopers-be-like/389364.md?page=2)