# What would Brian Boitano do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 7, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367 "2005-03-07T15:31:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/1 "2005-03-07T15:31:14Z")
I saw “South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” on Saturday night. Can someone explain the reference to Brian Boitano? Tx. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/2 "2005-03-07T15:38:28Z")
It’s a running gag, starting with the very first South Park Boitano showed up out of nowhere to keep Jesus and Santa Claus from killing each other. Don’t look for any reason for it otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/3 "2005-03-07T15:38:57Z")
Only partly. They made the same reference, minus the song, in the original Christmas short that gave birth to South Park. I’ve always assumed it was a riff on the What Would Jesus Do? slogan, but with a random celebrity in place of the Messiah. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/4 "2005-03-07T15:40:27Z")
IIRC, it’s a reference to the South Park pilot, in which Brian Boitano mediates a peaceful resolution between Santa and Jesus’ Mortal Combat style fistfight. Why? Cuz it’s fucking Brian Boitano. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/5 "2005-03-07T16:13:40Z")
I believe Brian Boitano was a local celebrity in Colorado when Parker and Stone were growing up–sort of a hometown hero, a local legend. I always assumed that accounted for the boys’ worship of Boitano. “When Brian Boitano built the pyramids, he beat up Kublai Khan! 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn’t take shit from any-bo-dy…” ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/6 "2005-03-07T16:24:43Z")
Brian Boitano won a gold medal in figure skating at the 1988 Olympics. I recall seeing a stand-up comedian do a routine shortly afterwards, lamenting that the big star of the Olympics was the rather effeminate Boitano. I still think that this routine was the inspiration for the South Park’s creators’ satire of Boitano as a superhero. Of course, Parker and Stone could have also felt similarly to the comedian I remember, and the idea arose spontaneously. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/7 "2005-03-07T16:26:10Z")
I could swear that last line used to be “Cause Brian Boitano don’t take shit from any fucking o-o-o-ne” But it isn’t that on the DVD either. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/8 "2005-03-07T17:06:36Z")
My guess is that if here were here right now he’d probably kick an ass or two. That, my friends, is what Brian Boitano’d do. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/9 "2005-03-07T17:21:35Z")
All of the music to that movie is brilliantly written and scored. What a great song. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/10 "2005-03-07T18:02:00Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > I could swear that last line used to be > “Cause Brian Boitano don’t take shit from any fucking o-o-o-ne” > > But it isn’t that on the DVD either. Congrats! You may be the one person who thought _SP:BL&C_ didn’t have enough swear words. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/11 "2005-03-07T18:06:14Z")
I always took it as a swipe at worshiping any sports figure. Like “I wanna be like Mike” (Jordan) or something like that. Why not Brian Boitano? BB did skate to a cleaned up version of the song once. ---
**Author:** ![James\_Westphal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9bd4f/32.png) [@James\_Westphal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/James_Westphal)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/12 "2005-03-07T21:27:03Z")
Was Boitano featured in any episodes other than the pilot? I seem to recall that he was, and it was one of the few episodes I haven’t seen. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-brian-boitano-do/293367/13 "2005-03-07T22:07:54Z")
I think he skated by in “Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride.”