# What would it take for you to become a zoo exhibit? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152 "2005-01-22T22:02:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/1 "2005-01-22T22:02:27Z")
If they had exhibits at the zoo of\* Homo sapiens\*, would you volunteer to become part of it? Would you do it for an amount of money? What if they kept you in lifestyle to which you would like to become accustomed? How about a private exhibit, by a private collector who kept you in a fabulously comfortable style, with everything you could want except your freedom? Would you do it for a period of time, knowing that at the end of (for example) six months, you would be released with a healthy bank account? ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/2 "2005-01-22T22:05:08Z")
Free meals, housing, mating experiments, and a bath once a week whether I need it or not? Are you serious? Where do I sign up? ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/3 "2005-01-22T22:08:30Z")
I would definitely do it if it was comfortable and warm, AND all my bathroom functions were completely private. I can’t go when people are watching. . . ---
**Author:** ![Dvorak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@Dvorak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dvorak)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/4 "2005-01-22T22:16:01Z")
Have you ever read Slaughterhouse Five? Billy Pilgrim’s fate I would not mind. spoilers being taken to an alien’s zoo, to be kept with a supermodel, and to be able to leave for extended (albeit random) periods/places of/in time. The zoo would be like a vacation, as would my real life. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/5 "2005-01-22T22:18:56Z")
I’d need to know more. Would there actually be a _cage_ that I wouldn’t be allowed to leave? Could I take vacations from it? Could I talk to the people watching me? Could I even see them, or would this be some kind of one-way mirror type thing? Could I invite nice folks in to share a meal? Could I have abusive assholes taken away so they don’t bother me? Retirement benefits? Free medical, and by an _MD_, not a vet? Paid subscription to Netflix, and access to the internet, with a BIG monitor? If I got the right answers to these questions, yes I would do it. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/6 "2005-01-22T22:23:23Z")
If the money was right, and it was only for 6 months or so, sure - no problem. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/7 "2005-01-22T22:31:09Z")
As long as I had my instruments, and a studio to record in, along with the internet, movies and satellite radio, I’d be in in a heartbeat. heck, except for the weirdness of people watching me work, it’d be my perfect environment. Oh, yes, supermodels would help too. A lot of them. To demonstrate mating behavior. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/8 "2005-01-22T22:59:00Z")
Would this be a comfortable yet primitive type exhibit, or would it basically be more of a glass house? I would do it either way, but it would probably go down as the most boring exhibit in history (other than some scratching, picking, and of course some mating rituals). “Look a man reading!” or “Oh, it’s our lucky day. From all appearances they are about to mate! Well, that didn’t take long…” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/9 "2005-01-23T00:33:04Z")
Would I get to fling poo? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/10 "2005-01-23T00:43:00Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Would I get to fling poo? 😃 I don’t even have to leave my house to do that. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/11 "2005-01-23T00:46:49Z")
Hey, less than 60 years ago, people paid good money to look at people like me. Now y’all get it for free, and I have to _work_ for a living. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/12 "2005-01-23T00:50:03Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I don’t even have to leave my house to do that. Remind me never to visit _your_ house. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/13 "2005-01-23T00:53:21Z")
> [@Q.E.D.](#): > > Remind me never to visit _your_ house. Just phone first, and he’ll mop up a little. ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/14 "2005-01-23T01:25:37Z")
_They DO_ have humans on exhibit! There is a hotel in LA with a human behind glass in the lobby, being paid just to sit there looking bored. Perfect practice for a budding actor or actress who wants a part on a soap opera, where the most action in a scene is a “meaningful stare”. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/15 "2005-01-23T04:02:22Z")
If it were for less than a year, and if I were able to do it with my husband, and–most importantly–if it would pay well enough to keep us from ever having to work again, hell, yes, I would do it. Maybe I’m just burnt out on work. But I’d _so_ do it. Especially if I had a computer. Or a notebook. Then I could write. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/16 "2005-01-23T05:30:45Z")
> [@flickster](#): > > Would this be a comfortable yet primitive type exhibit, or would it basically be more of a glass house? I would do it either way, but it would probably go down as the most boring exhibit in history (other than some scratching, picking, and of course some mating rituals). > \ I’m thinking along the lines of you can negotiate your habitat and all that with your keeper, with the caveat being that you don’t get to come out until he lets you out, and you can be observed at any time. Say, when he’s having a party and you’re an exhibit for his guests. I have to say I’m surprised at how many people would do this. Maybe we’re wrong in assuming that caged animals have it rough. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/17 "2005-01-23T15:59:24Z")
Would I still have access to the dope? I think, if I was living in an enviroment in which there were creatures 5 times my size regularly trying to kill me, I would jump at the chance of being offered a steel cage and regular meals. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/18 "2005-01-23T19:24:11Z")
If I could have my cat and Internet access and visits from my daughter, yes. I might want access to a swimming pool and/or hot tub, too. I’ve had periods of time when I really couldn’t get out of the house for months, except for doctor visits. It didn’t bother me too much, I could probably do half a year or so easily. I’ve always been fascinated by the “cave experiments” where volunteers live in a cave for a period of time, without any sort of timekeeping device. I could never do that because I’ve been on medication of one sort or another since I was about 14, and I do need to keep track of time. But I’ve always thought it would be interesting to live like that for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/19 "2005-01-23T20:54:27Z")
Hell yes. I’d put the chimpanzees to shame. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152/20 "2005-01-23T21:29:35Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > Hell yes. I’d put the chimpanzees to shame. Especially in poo flinging – humans are _so_ much better at throwing, and _way_ more accurate [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-it-take-for-you-to-become-a-zoo-exhibit/286152.md?page=2)