# What Would Jesus Do For a Klondike Bar **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 22, 2002, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076 "2002-04-22T23:59:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/21 "2002-04-23T16:30:51Z")
Invent a time machine? Do the hokey-pokey? Go mano a mano with the old man? ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/22 "2002-04-23T16:33:25Z")
Become Mary Magdalene’s pimp? ---
**Author:** ![LabRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/898d66/32.png) [@LabRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LabRat)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/23 "2002-04-23T20:32:24Z")
Amidar: **SPLITTER!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/24 "2002-04-23T21:00:23Z")
Overturn a money changer’s table? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/25 "2002-04-23T21:09:47Z")
Never come again? ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/26 "2002-04-23T21:15:37Z")
Post at the SDMB and quiet down GD for a while? ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/27 "2002-04-23T21:23:22Z")
Turn water into wine, manna into Klondike Bar. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/28 "2002-04-23T21:50:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanielWithrow \* > \*\*Never come again? \*\* Never have sex again? ---
**Author:** ![grettle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@grettle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grettle)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/29 "2002-04-23T22:40:09Z")
awesome title! ummm. . . . . walk like a duck? ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/30 "2002-04-23T22:51:47Z")
Smite Billy Graham? Play the Bee Gees at the Pearly Gates? Admit to have smoked - but never inhaled? ---
**Author:** ![robertwa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9a140/32.png) [@robertwa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertwa)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/31 "2002-04-24T13:26:53Z")
sing “I’m a Little Teapot”? pants the Holy Ghost? claim he had joined the People’s Front of Judea, when he had actually joined the Judean People’s Front, the splitter! (good grief, it’s a running gag) admit that Rufus really was an apostle, even though he’s black? stop spreading nasty rumors about Mary Magdaline? ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/32 "2002-04-24T14:05:05Z")
…smack the bejeezus out of Peter for being a wuss that night? …stop speaking in metaphor and parable? …sell the Jews back into slavery in Egypt? …turn the whole “crucifixion, death and resurrection” thing into a show and do it six times a week in Vegas? …get a decent job and quit haning around with all of his “loser” friends? …author a “Cliffs Notes” version of the New Testament? …turn water into “Red Bull” energy drink? \ ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/33 "2002-04-24T14:20:37Z")
Convert to Islam? ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Mxyzptlk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@Mr\_Mxyzptlk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Mxyzptlk)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/34 "2002-04-24T21:28:26Z")
Team up with The Rock in a tag team match against Triple H and Satan ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/35 "2002-04-24T21:57:49Z")
[slight hijack] A guy I used to work for took a filmmaking class in college. He had conceived a commercial for Pepsi, where just before the Crucifiction Jesus is dragging his heavy wooden cross through the streets of Galilee (sp?). He’s sweating, tired, crowds of people all around and no one giving him a hand, while the Roman soldiers are behind him smirking. Suddenly, one of the guys in the crowd steps forward, holding a bottle of Pepsi. Jesus takes it, takes a long swig, hands it back to the guy and says, **"Thanks…I’ll _remember_ you."** Unfortunately, the teacher, though he liked it, wouldn’t allow Mark to make it. Pity. [/slight hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/36 "2002-04-24T23:51:58Z")
Denounce Himself? * * * I scream, you scream, we all denouce Jesus for Ice Cream! ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/37 "2002-04-24T23:58:17Z")
Walk a mile. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/38 "2002-04-25T00:10:20Z")
Admit that Britney Spears is the Whore of Babylon (and Elvis died on the toilet for her sins). ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/39 "2002-04-25T00:41:03Z")
Be my friend. Take me to the zoo. Buy me a hotdog. Teach me how to ride a bicycle. Walk on the beach with me. Watch the sunset with me. Watch the fireworks that go off every friday with me. Read me a bedtime story. Kiss me goodnight. And he shall never go want for klondike bars again. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ad7895/32.png) [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076/40 "2002-04-25T15:16:05Z")
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, what would you do for a Klondike bar?” Jesus answered, "It is written: ‘Man does not live on chocolately coated ice cream alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Still, I’d eat a honey coated locust.’ " - Matthew 4:1-4 New Commercial Version [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-jesus-do-for-a-klondike-bar/105076.md?page=3)