# What Would Ms. Manners Say? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797 "2003-03-16T16:13:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![1ofthegulls](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/bcef8e/32.png) [@1ofthegulls](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1ofthegulls)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/1 "2003-03-16T16:13:16Z")
I used to go out a lot, so I always saw my friends. Now that I’ve settled down I rarely see anyone anymore. This is all within the past year. I have a Birthday coming up and I really want to see my friends when I go out (or why even go out?). Would it be wrong to send an invitation that just says “Please join me for Birthday cocktails”? If I don’t mention my Birthday, they’ll think it’s just another night and may not go out (it’s on a Thursday). But I don’t want it to look like I’m asking for gifts, I just want to see all my friends!! What do you all think? ---
**Author:** ![hyperjes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@hyperjes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hyperjes)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/2 "2003-03-16T16:18:17Z")
Just add “No gifts, please” to the invitation. If you _really_ aren’t hoping to get gifts, that should be no problem. And your friends will see that you are only asking for their company. BTW- Happy Birthday!😃 ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/3 "2003-03-16T16:53:50Z")
Miss Manners says that you should never put ‘no gifts’ on an invitation, as you should not even be thinking about the possibility of getting gifts. Since you asked what she would say. I’d just not mention the occasion and hope for the best (or schedule it on Friday instead), or mention it very, very casually and cope with the fact that some people may bring presents. If it bugs you, you can always make up for it by buying drinks. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/4 "2003-03-16T18:35:44Z")
Miss is her first name, BTW. And what’s wrong with presents? I adore them. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/5 "2003-03-16T18:35:54Z")
Miss is her first name, BTW. Or so she says. And what’s wrong with presents? I adore them. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/6 "2003-03-16T18:38:07Z")
Crap. I thought the first post hadn’t gone through. Oopsie. ---
**Author:** ![1ofthegulls](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/bcef8e/32.png) [@1ofthegulls](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1ofthegulls)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/7 "2003-03-16T22:45:18Z")
Ya, I’m big on gifts 😃 I wasn’t going to bring that up!! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/8 "2003-03-16T23:10:17Z")
There’s nothing wrong with inviting people to a birthday party. I’d suggest phoning them and saying, “Would you like to go out for cocktails with me? It’s my birthday.” I think this removes any impression of a present grab, without specifically forbidding presents, which has been correctly stated to be rude. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/9 "2003-03-16T23:57:54Z")
And, of course, do not act embarrassed if anyone does bring you a present. Smile and thank them. Say, “How thoughtful!” and not “Oh, you shouldn’t have” or “You didn’t have to.” They brought you a present because they wanted to make you happy. To demur is to rob them of that pleasure. In exchange for their gift to you, give them the greater gift of gratitude for their thoughtfulness and friendship. I did something for a friend recently that was a small task for me but would have overwhelmed her. The sight of her sheer happiness and relief when I showed her what I had done for her made me feel all warm and happy inside. Do the same for your friends! ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/10 "2003-03-17T00:49:33Z")
I like the idea of the phone call. The more informal the invitation, the less likely they are to indulge in gift-giving. But, if you send out invitations, you can alway put “presence, not presents please.” ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/11 "2003-03-17T03:49:26Z")
No, no, put NOTHING about presents on the invitations. You are never supposed to even imply that it is EVER acceptable to anticipate presents, regardless of how customary such presents may be. I’d call them. That’s much more casual. I would probably bring a card but not a gift, unless you were a close friend. My birthday is Friday, and I’ve dropped enough tactless hints to my mom about what I want, I can’t wait! ---
**Author:** ![Shana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Shana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shana)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-manners-say/161797/12 "2003-03-17T06:41:18Z")
Happy birthday **1ofthegulls** and **Whiterabbit**! I have to agree with **Whiterabbit**. Please don’t make mention of gifts on your invitation…Actually, the phone call idea seems a brilliant way of making the evening seem casual and just about having fun, going for drinks etc…Hope you have a great time!🙂