# What would Ms. Wonderful say? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569 "2004-03-16T02:57:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/1 "2004-03-16T02:57:16Z")
One of my wife’s friends gave her a Mr. Wonderful doll. He’s a fairly attractive little fellow (I suppose; I’m not one to judge male good looks), with a rose in one hand. When you squeeze him just right, he says things like the following: “This rose is for you.” “Take all the time you want getting ready. I don’t mind waiting one bit.” “We seem to be lost. I’ll pull over and ask for directions.” My wife thinks he’s great, although she stops short of telling me that I could take a few lessons from him. But that didn’t stop me from wondering what sort of things a Ms. Wonderful doll would say. So far, I’ve come up with the following: “I’ve put the game on for you, but here’s the TV remote in case you want to change it.” “It’s too nice a day for yardwork. Why don’t you go golfing with your friends?” “When I was at the swimwear store, I couldn’t decide between two bikinis. So I got both.” But I could use some help. Dopers, what else might a Ms. Wonderful doll say? ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/2 "2004-03-16T03:02:19Z")
“Here’s a beer. I’ve put more in the fridge, in case your friends pop round.” “Go on, fart, it’s _funny_.” “I still can’t manage to wash my back properly, can you help me in the shower?” “Men scratching is SEXY” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/3 "2004-03-16T03:02:29Z")
I’ll bet he’s hung like a Ken doll, too. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/4 "2004-03-16T03:58:42Z")
They’re making Paul Orndorf action figures? Sweet! ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/5 "2004-03-16T05:11:32Z")
“This time I’m just gonna take your word for it that the couch won’t fit over there, and not make you move it three times before we end up putting it right back where it is now.” “Why don’t I box up all this stuff we never actually use and we’ll store it in the attic instead of all over every available surface in the den.” “I told my mother we already had plans this weekend, so we can’t go over and put up her shelves/paint her house/give the dog a bath/help her sort through ninety boxes of thirty year old photos of relatives I’ve never met.” “Mmrrgggllpphhrrlll. Ggrrmmmlllfffmmm.” [sub]Yeah, the last one’s just a gag. Joke, I mean, a joke.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/6 "2004-03-16T06:19:10Z")
“Watching you play Everquest for hours on end really makes me hot” “Wanna watch some lesbian porn?” “Let’s have sex, right now!” ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_Holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a5b964/32.png) [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/7 "2004-03-16T14:22:52Z")
> [@Skeezix](#): > > “This time I’m just gonna take your word for it that the couch won’t fit over there, and not make you move it three times before we end up putting it right back where it is now.” Were you married to my wife? 😃 “Here’s fifty bucks honey. Why don’t you go to a strip club with your friends, while I watch the kids and clean the house.” “Honey, you know the secretary at my office you said was cute? I just invited her over for a threesome. I hope you don’t mind.” ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/8 "2004-03-16T17:02:26Z")
What, am I the first one to suggest that this Ms. Wonderful will ask if you want another blowjob? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/9 "2004-03-16T17:36:24Z")
Yes, you’re the biggest. Of course Captain Kirk is the best. My twin sister confessed that she thinks you’re hot, do you wanna threesome? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/10 "2004-03-16T18:50:36Z")
Waitress, he wants cheese AND bacon on that burger please. Don’t get up, I’ll get the phone. Are you feeling like port or whiskey, dear? ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/11 "2004-03-17T01:41:19Z")
“Of course, I ALWAYS pay my own way on dates!” “I decided I had enough shoes already.” “I was wondering if my jeans made me look fat… so I just put on another pair that don’t!” “No, I never move any of your stuff… I don’t want to disturb whatever it is you’re doing there.” “I hate kids, too!” ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/12 "2004-03-17T05:55:50Z")
**scout1222** : Well, that was the gist of that last one I posted, but I didn’t want to be too _Penthouse Forum_ about it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/13 "2004-03-17T15:30:28Z")
Hmmm, I see that all of my clothes have somehow fallen off. Oh, and I brought beer. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/14 "2004-03-17T16:05:14Z")
> [@Skeezix](#): > > **scout1222** : Well, that was the gist of that last one I posted, but I didn’t want to be too _Penthouse Forum_ about it. 😉 Ah ha ha! I read the muffled bit as more of “the perfect woman would just shut the hell up and leave me alone!” But I like the way you think… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/15 "2004-03-19T09:20:50Z")
Actually said by me: “I love the smell of a cigar!” “It’s okay; go ahead and record wrestling. I know it’s an important match, and my show will be rerun.” “I have a headache; can we have sex?” (Sex cures my headaches; I’m not kidding.) ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/16 "2004-03-19T12:45:58Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > “I have a headache; can we have sex?” (Sex cures my headaches; I’m not kidding.) I was going to post that myself. And I’ll agree with you - sex **does** cure headaches. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/17 "2004-03-19T12:53:38Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > I was going to post that myself. And I’ll agree with you - sex **does** cure headaches. 😃 Well, that’s it people. What the heck are we doing here posting? Let’s go out & Cure Some D-mn Headaches…! If we all try our best, maybe we can ‘Stamp Out Headaches In Our Lifetime’. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/18 "2004-03-19T17:24:10Z")
> [@quietman1920](#): > > Well, that’s it people. What the heck are we doing here posting? Let’s go out & Cure Some D-mn Headaches…! If we all try our best, maybe we can ‘Stamp Out Headaches In Our Lifetime’. Yeah, but if we stamp out headaches, then the Ms Wonderfuls of the boards won’t be able to say “I have a headache. Lets have wild passionate sex”, now would we? ---
**Author:** ![Mooney252](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7c8e57/32.png) [@Mooney252](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooney252)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/19 "2004-03-19T17:46:56Z")
Ms. Wonderful: “I just cancelled Sunday dinner here with Mom.” “Can I change the oil next time the car needs it?” “I took out the garbage cans this morning so that you could sleep late.” “It’s baseball season: there’s no reason for you to go to church with me.” “It’s so cute the way you _purr_ when you’re asleep.” “It’s so rude of me to leave the wrapping paper on the pool table all year.” _Actually, much of the time Ms. Wonderful could just be **silent.** _ ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569/20 "2004-03-19T19:24:48Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > Yeah, but if we stamp out headaches, then the Ms Wonderfuls of the boards won’t be able to say “I have a headache. Lets have wild passionate sex”, now would we? True, but then how will Sexual Exhaustion beat out cancer & heart disease as the number one killer in America…? Hey, if you’ve gotta go eventually anyway, you may as well go in Style… 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-ms-wonderful-say/234569.md?page=2)