What would the detectives and CSIs get wrong about you?

Oh, that’s horrible, yet wonderful at the same time. I’m so glad you are taking care of those cockatiels.

There was an episode of a crime show a few years back (can’t remember which show) where one of the ways they solved the case was by noticing that the computer mouse was on the left hand side of the computer, but the person who normally uses the computer was right handed.

If the CSIs came to my house, they might use the same evidence to arrive at the wrong conclusion, because i’m left handed, but i always use my right hand for my mouse.

Seems like the kind of thing one might want on a medical alert bracelet.

My computer history would show so much access to this board, they’d assume I worked here or something.

Same here. In fact, I know very few left-handed people who use the mouse left-handed. When I broke my right wrist, I became a decent left-handed mouse user, but it was still never completely comfortable. They do come to some odd conclusions on those shows sometimes, like the previously mentioned “screwdriver in the bedroom is the murder weapon” theory. It wouldn’t be the least bit strange to find some sort of tool in my bedroom if I used it and just set it somewhere (very likely).

I have extremely strange blood. It’s outside of the ABO blood group and I bleed like crazy over the slightest thing. If I were missing and they saw a teeshirt that I had used to stauch a nosebleed, they would think someone had killed me and taken the body away.

Another left-handed right-hand-side mouse user. I don’t think I could even use a left-hand-side mouse; it would just seem weird. :slight_smile:

If the CSI’s had been here three weeks ago, they would have seen that I had recently arrived from holiday…or two months ago, as the case may be. I’m also not very good at unpacking things. Mostly, though, if they looked around my apartment, they would get a pretty accurate depiction of me: not that tidy, very eclectic taste in music (right now, I’m looking at my CD collection and I have the Clubber’s Guide to Ibiza Summer 2001, Metallica’s Black Album, Monty Python Sings and Vivaldi Recorder Concertos living a peaceful coexistence side by side), reads like a maniac.

Perhaps the best “odd conclusion” I’ve seen on TV wasn’t on CSI, but on an episode of The X-Files. “It’s obvious that this kid couldn’t have been out in the woods alone; no-one drinks a 12-pack of beer by themselves.” …These writers have obviously never seen Finns start off a Friday night. :slight_smile:

Lefty using the right hand for the mouse here also.

They may think we are an old married couple since we have separate beds, but really, it is so I can sleep at night without getting elbows in my eyes or a broken nose.

Right now, they would think we either just moved in or are fixing to move, instead, we are stuck in this neverland of trying to sell our house.

They would think we never read books since they are all packed away and I’m using my Nokia 770 as an ebook reader. (I have over 1000 packed away)

They may think I’m a waiter since I have a stash of black & white’s in my closet, in fact, I’ve never gotten rid of them because “ya never know.”

Ditto. One of my fears is that during a Health and Wellness inspection, one of my sergeants will stumble across my porn collection. It’s not contraband if I keep it secured, it’s just not a conversation I feel like having, particularly with one of my female superiors.

But let’s see, looking over my room, they might be lead to believe that I’m some kind of neat freak (we have to keep the rooms tidy and dust-free, and they get inspected at random), until they opened my wall locker and nearly get killed by the avalanche of junk piled up inside. I’m not sure what they’d think when they looked at my DVD collection, which at the moment is about 60% unopened DVD box sets (Veronica Mars, House, a few others. I watch them one season at a time and open each box as I come to it).

Now, going back to my bedroom at my parents’ house, the highly-detailed recreation of a Royal Manticoran Navy battlecruiser’s bridge might make them think I’m some kind of closeted nerd freak like the Sherlock Holmes guy from that one episode of CSI… (I jest. They’d find it perfectly normal, I’m sure. :smiley: )

Can you get a medical alert bracelet that says “Not Brain damaged”?

On a sidenote, I’ve seen episodes of ER where when someone comes in to the ER, if they don’t already know who the person is (ie: the guy was hit by a car or something, rather than having a friend call an ambulance), then the nurses dump the guy’s pockets and wallet and go through it for ID or clues to his identity. What would the ER staff deduce from your pockets?

Assuming that I went to a civvie hospital off base, they might be puzzled by the funny looking coins I keep in my pocket (My Airman’s Coin, a Chief Master Sergeant’s challenge coin, given to me by a CMSGT in the 59th Medical Wing when I graduated from Basic, and an Air Force 60th Anniversary coin I got at the AF Ball this year, which I brought home to show my parents).

They’d probably be further puzzled by the little folded up forms with my name and unit filled out with blank spots labeled “List Discrepency/Excellence here” (my AETC Form 341s, which all training Airmen are required to carry. A superior needs only to take one of these from us, fill in the blank, sign it, and turn it in to our superior if we do something wrong, or on the rare occasion that we do something right that they feel we deserve to be rewarded for).

My wallet would contain very little cash, my ID card identifying me as military (in case the various coins with Air Force stuff and military ranks on it didn’t tip them off), and a little card with my squadron’s contact numbers on it, which would no doubt simplify the task of figuring out who to call to let someone know I’d gotten myself turned into a hood ornament. Aside from that, they’d know I shopped at Borders, they’d think I shopped at Men’s Warehouse (went there once, never threw away the little discount card they gave me), and they’d know my Cousin Max’s phone number (which I still have written down on a piece of paper in my wallet, since she’s my nearest relative in this state and I’m bad at remembering phone numbers). They’d also think I lived in Arizona (Driver’s license, I never got it updated after I joined the Air Force and got sent to California), and that I can drive legally in that state for the next 50 years.

They’d see my cell phone (Helio Ocean) and probably think me a dumbass for actually spending money on such a thing. They’d be spot on there too.

Ummmmm…five months IS recently. I’ve lived places where there is still stuff in boxes when I move out 7 years later…

Most detective fiction (including crime shows and CSI) shares the flaw identified in this thread: they tend to make deductions as if people are regimated automata that always do things in one specific, rational way. But people aren’t, and they don’t. Not very exciting example: I was once doing some personal filing of bank statements and stuff. I noticed that for most of my life I had been punching holes in paperwork and filing it in one way, whereas all the stuff on my desk at that particular moment I had just punched and filed in a completely different way. No rhyme or reason. If I had dropped dead at that moment, a smart CSI guy, or even Sherlock, would have come along and noticed this ‘tell-tale evidence’, and ‘deduced’ that actually, the paperwork had been put there by someone else to make it look like I’d been busy with paperwork.

Many of the others posts here have pointed out similar day to day weirdnesses that can’t be allowed in the world of detective fiction.

As for the OP, if the CSI gang came to pay a visit here they’d probably get everything wrong. For one thing, they would probably ‘deduce’ that two people live here, including at least one female. Not so, yet there’s abundant evidence of a female presence. Fact is, my girlfriend lives far away, and it’s easier (by mutual agreement) for her to leave lots of her stuff here than to drag it back and forth for every visit.

Whoo boy… Where to start?..Well, I think that the most disturbing thing to them would be the garage, where I do my prop building. I create a lot of high-end props for haunted houses and usually work at them one at a time. If i was near completion on a really top end piece, they would probably freak out and have it taken away because i often use deer skeletons as a replacement for a faux human one. I usually ditch any extra bits I’m not going to use, so a faux corpse over real bones would probably give them them a hissy fit until the medical examiner figured it out.

That had a word for that on Sopranos, wallet biopsy maybe.

My wife has an open abdominal wound. After a recent surgery it started to hemorrhage. She spilled blood all over the couch, floor, carpet and bathroom. We cleaned it all up pretty well.

If my wife disappeared and the CSI guys came to my house and used the Luminol and black lights to look for blood, they would think that I stabbed my wife on the couch, carried her to the bathroom and then cut up her body in the shower.

Actually, because the wound has a tendency to drip, she’s left drops of blood all over the house. I better hope she never tries to frame me.

I have a similar problem - not the gushing wound but rather drops of blood throughout the house. Problem skin, you see, with frequent rashes. I have bed sheets (now used as rags) that look like Something Bad Happened Here. When I was a kid I used to have frequent nosebleeds, too - same problem, but on the pillows.

CSI would think I am a cross-dressing man. My teaching clothes are all very nice women’s suits and virtually all of my non-underwear leisure clothes are men’s clothes (more durable, fit better, etc).