# What would this encounter make you think? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 8, 2012, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099 "2012-03-08T02:20:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/41 "2012-03-08T05:47:24Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > He was a very nice guy and didn’t have a malicious bone in his body. I’m confused; why bring that up here? Are you implying that you think I do? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/42 "2012-03-08T05:54:15Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Will you tell us what you said in reply and how it all played out? Sure. This was a guy I was somewhat familiar with; I’d seen him around the gym from time to time. When he asked me that question, after my initial pause-which was my only ‘tell’ as to my real thoughts-I cracked a grin and told him, “Naw, I’m just letting the steam out to get it kicked back on.” (Despite what some may think, this is a common practice here; it’s actually the preferred method by management as it prevents damage caused by blowing on the heater itself-which is another way of kicking the steam back on). He said, “Oh ok, 'cause I just didn’t know what you were doing”. I thanked him, he smiled back and that was that. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/43 "2012-03-08T06:04:57Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > “Do you need some help”, which is the standard line of query, would have been totally sensible in this situation. So wait, your whole problem with this is that he said “Do you need me to close that for you” rather than “Do you need some help”? That’s kind of nitpicky, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/44 "2012-03-08T06:26:35Z")
> [@Meyer6](#): > > So wait, your whole problem with this is that he said “Do you need me to close that for you” rather than “Do you need some help”? That’s kind of nitpicky, isn’t it? Didn’t have a problem with anything. However, rather than ask a general question of need he asked me a rather specific question which ran completely counter to what it was that I was plainly and effortlessly doing. It made no sense. So like I said before, I was confused as to how, after seeing me propping a self-closing steam room door open with my wheelchair, he somehow thought that I was trying to close this door. That’s all. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/45 "2012-03-08T07:05:26Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I think that you need help, for you find offence where none is intended and where a reasonable person would not take offence. Offense? I went out of my way to express just how _unoffended_ I was by this, how this was _humorous_ to me. Yet you come here and say that I have found offense here? Please show me anything I’ve posted that shows offense or anger. I feel that you’ve purposely misread my words, simply in order to bash me. I really wish you would have kept your thoughts to yourself and not entered this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/46 "2012-03-08T07:09:32Z")
> [@Meyer6](#): > > So wait, your whole problem with this is that he said “Do you need me to close that for you” rather than “Do you need some help”? That’s kind of nitpicky, isn’t it? Nitpicky? No. This isn’t some “oh we gotta know the right things to say to the disabled person” thing here. His words themselves are not the relevant thing; it’s the thoughts behind the words. One question is perfectly sensible; the other makes no sense. But you are one who has never done anything but chide me and post negative remarks in my threads. Always. So I don’t expect this response to change one iota of your opinion of this matter. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/47 "2012-03-08T07:31:42Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Nitpicky? No. This isn’t some “oh we gotta know the right things to say to the disabled person” thing here. His words themselves are not the relevant thing; it’s the thoughts behind the words. One question is perfectly sensible; the other makes no sense. But you are one who has never done anything but chide me and post negative remarks in my threads. Always. So I don’t expect this response to change one iota of your opinion of this matter. 😕 I was just pointing out that the question you think is ‘sensible’ and the question he asked are really hardly different. I know you say that you were unoffended but it doesn’t seem that way from the comments you’ve made. I’m sorry if you feel that I haven’t been appropriately reverent towards you in the past, but when you post threads that ask for other peoples opinions not all of those opinions will be the ones that you want to hear. I have done nothing but express my own opinion, but you are of course free to dismiss it as you will. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/48 "2012-03-08T07:56:16Z")
You started this thread with a scenario in which you are the victim and your antagonist is a dick. It’s a false dichotomy. Here’s how it should have gone with nobody ending up butt-hurt: Guy: “Do you need me to close that for you?” Jamie: “Thanks, man. I’m good.” That’s it. The drama is strong with you. Work against it. Fight the dark side of the force, brother. Recognize the chip on your shoulder and reduce it to a pebble. WITH YOUR MIND! Sincerely, though also with a bit of humor that I’m hoping doesn’t piss you off. > [@](#): > > However, rather than ask a general question of need he asked me a rather specific question which ran completely counter to what it was that I was plainly and effortlessly doing. > [@](#): > > His words themselves are not the relevant thing; it’s the thoughts behind the words. You can’t possibly know his thoughts yet, Padawan. Seriously, consider your conclusions. Real conclusions are borne of facts. You have plenty of conclusions, but you’re pretty goddamned light on facts. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/49 "2012-03-08T08:13:56Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > You started this thread with a scenario in which you are the victim and your antagonist is a dick. It’s a false dichotomy. Here’s how it should have gone with nobody ending up butt-hurt: > > Guy: “Do you need me to close that for you?” > Jamie: “Thanks, man. I’m good.” > > That’s it. The drama is strong with you. Work against it. Fight the dark side of the force, brother. Recognize the chip on your shoulder and reduce it to a pebble. WITH YOUR MIND! Sincerely, though also with a bit of humor that I’m hoping doesn’t piss you off. > > You can’t possibly know his thoughts yet, Padawan. Seriously, consider your conclusions. Real conclusions are borne of facts. You have plenty of conclusions, but you’re pretty goddamned light on facts. There is no drama brother; no butt hurt. But thanks for your concern. 😃 And I knew “chip on your shoulder” talk would come out, that is why I tried to be proactive and say from the beginning that this encounter didn’t rub me the wrong way or upset me _in the least._ The _actual_ dialogue between this man and I was friendlier and more pleasant than even what you have ‘suggested’ I should have done. But you either dismiss that or ignore it altogether and plod ahead with your “butthurt” crap. Again, and for the last time; I am merely discussing a humorous oddity. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/50 "2012-03-08T08:15:56Z")
> [@Meyer6](#): > > 😕 I was just pointing out that the question you think is ‘sensible’ and the question he asked are really hardly different. I know you say that you were unoffended but it doesn’t seem that way from the comments you’ve made. > > I’m sorry if you feel that I haven’t been appropriately reverent towards you in the past, but when you post threads that ask for other peoples opinions not all of those opinions will be the ones that you want to hear. I have done nothing but express my own opinion, but you are of course free to dismiss it as you will. Ok, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/51 "2012-03-08T08:17:15Z")
> [@Meyer6](#): > > I know you say that you were unoffended but it doesn’t seem that way from the comments you’ve made.. Comments such as… ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/52 "2012-03-08T08:52:31Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > The _actual_ dialogue between this man and I was friendlier and more pleasant than even what you have ‘suggested’ I should have done. But you either dismiss that or ignore it altogether and plod ahead with your “butthurt” crap. Again, and for the last time; I am merely discussing a humorous oddity. Your post does not present as humor. You did not post any dialogue other than the single line that I quoted. I might be inclined to give a bit more rope to another poster, but let’s be honest. If you haven’t poisoned the well, you sure as hell have shit in it more than once. > [@](#): > > “Do you need me to close that for you?” How fucking DARE HE?! There was very little substance to embrace, dismiss or ignore in your original post. Your oddities almost always have to do with your physical challenges as perceived by you, through a stangers eyes and never come across as light-hearted tales, nor even credible to most people who still bother to read your posts. You’re doing what you always do. Describing the situation one way, waiting for response to your description, changing the description and then getting indignant about the travesty of reality that others foist upon you. I don’t know, man. If your banter with door guy was friendly and pleasant, what the fuck is this thread about? I honestly don’t know. You’re either disingenuous or a horrible story teller. I’m not allowed to suppose in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/53 "2012-03-08T08:59:00Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Comments such as… Comments such as: > [@Ambivalid](#): > > What I think this situation illustrates is the mindset that can come over some people when they encounter a person with disabilities; this mindset is overwhelming to the point of being irrational that a disabled person needs help, period. Whatever it is that a disabled person is doing, they need or would be better off with assistance at that task. I say irrational because, as this encounter shows, the help can even be totally counter to the goals of the task of the disabled person being offered help. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I said _some_ people, not most, think a person with disabilities needs or would be better off with assistance with whatever they are doing and that this mindset is overwhelming to the point of being irrational. You obviously jumped straight to the conclusion that this guy was being patronizing and assuming that you couldn’t do anything yourself. You instantly dismiss the idea that maybe he would have offered help to anyone he saw awkwardly hanging around in a doorway, or that maybe it wasn’t all that clear what the hell you were doing or trying to do. You also dismiss the idea that he was actually snarking you about letting all the heat out (which doesn’t seem particularly unlikely to me). Furthermore you jumped straight to the conclusion that this guy is the sort of clueless moron who assumes that a disabled person needs help in every single situation, rather than realizing that this is a fairly unusual situation that might have looked strange to him. These don’t sound like the comments of a person who is simply amused, they sound like the comments of a person who is offended, and a person who has a bit of a hair-trigger. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/54 "2012-03-08T10:04:09Z")
Bear in mind that the guy didn’t grab the door away from you and slam it shut. He ASKED you if you needed help. A simple “No, thanks” would have been sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/55 "2012-03-08T10:24:48Z")
Oh God fucking damn it, **Ambi**. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/56 "2012-03-08T11:05:23Z")
> [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](#): > > Now probably because I’m British I thought the guy was being snotty about you wasting energy by holding the door open. Knowing what you were doing, and that you were doing it on purpose I hear “Do you need me to close that for you?” as sounding condescendingly polite and designed to shame you into shutting that damn door yourself, right now. This is how i read it : “You _do_ know you’re letting that steam out into the rest of the gym, don’t you :dubious:” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/57 "2012-03-08T11:09:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > No, it is noteworthy because this is a self-closing door. This is a regular gym-member and the doors are recognizable as self-closing. In addition to the relaxed, non-active appearance of me sitting in my chair, this seems pretty strange to me. You may not view my description of the event as noteworthy but I am telling you, as the person involved in that event; it was indeed noteworthy. Why’d you ask what we thought then? You keep telling why our interpretations are wrong and we just have to trust you. Christ, these threads are annoying. Based on your description WHAT I MAKE OF THIS SITUATION is that a guy saw a guy in a wheelchair and thought there might be a problem because, yes, sometimes people in wheelchairs need help beyond what a non wheelchair bound person needs. He asked. You answered. He went on his way, you went on yours. Sounds terribly noteworthy to me. :rolleyes: ETA: You weren’t born handicapped. Are you saying if the roles had been reversed you wouldn’t have been moved to ask a wheelchair bound person if they needed something, just in case? I gotta stay outta these threads. He made me use ALL CAPS. I usually don’t get riled up like that. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/58 "2012-03-08T11:18:45Z")
Wait, wait, wait - I think we’re all missing the obvious here. An encounter between two scantily clad muscley men at the door to a sauna? Clearly Mr Passerby liked what he saw, and “Do you need me to close that for you?” is some kind of gay code for “Shall we go in there together and get to know one another better?” No need to thank me for my help \*\*Ambivalid \*\*! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/59 "2012-03-08T11:22:48Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Wait, wait, wait - I think we’re all missing the obvious here. > > An encounter between two scantily clad muscley men at the door to a sauna? Clearly Mr Passerby liked what he saw, and “Do you need me to close that for you?” is some kind of gay code for “Shall we go in there together and get to know one another better?” > > No need to thank me for my help \*\*Ambivalid \*\*! Next thread: “Man asked if I needed help applying orange paint to skin: Is it because I’m disabled? How would you interpret this?” ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099/60 "2012-03-08T11:55:56Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Next thread: “Man asked if I needed help applying orange paint to skin: Is it because I’m disabled? How would you interpret this?” He’d obviously be an Oompaloompa. Seriously, all these threads seem to merge. Into a train wreck anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-this-encounter-make-you-think/615099.md?page=4)