# What would you call the woman in this relationship. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2012, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391 "2012-11-18T10:11:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/21 "2012-11-18T16:58:49Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > A teenager you takes on dates is a girlfriend. Someone with whom you have two chikdren? “Person in a relationship I disapprove of” is, I’m starting to sense, the answer you’re looking for here. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/22 "2012-11-18T17:02:22Z")
Girlfriend, ladyfriend or SO. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/23 "2012-11-18T17:04:23Z")
**What would you call the woman in this relationship.** I’d call her not too bright or very lucky depending on the circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/24 "2012-11-18T17:04:36Z")
How do they refer to her in polite company? Use that. ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/25 "2012-11-18T17:05:50Z")
Paramour??? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/26 "2012-11-18T17:16:59Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > How do they refer to her in polite company? Use that. Mrs Q. [QUOTE=Hershele Ostropoler] “Person in a relationship I disapprove of” is, I’m starting to sense, the answer you’re looking for her [/QUOTE] :rolleyes: My approval or disapproval is undoubtedly irrelevant to them and certainly is to this thread. You “sense” seems to be misfiring. How about “companion”? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/27 "2012-11-18T17:24:13Z")
[QUOTE=even sven] Concubine" implies an arranged sexual relationship where the woman plays a very passive role. Historically, concubines have basically been property, without choice in the matter and without other prospects in life. Nobody wants to be a “concubine”, and nobody wants to think of their partner as that. [/QUOTE] Concubine strictly meant a woman in a relationship with a man which was permanent, long term, similar to marriage but without the formal recognition of that state. I agree its a loaded term, but it does describe what this is. > [@](#): > > You do not get to include commentary on someone’s love life at their dinner party. I don’t really talk about people love life at their or anyone elses dinner party or in most situations really. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/28 "2012-11-18T17:49:30Z")
Why are you so invested in this? Why are you even thinking about it? > [@](#): > > My preferred term is concubine, but for some reason I got stares from others when I stated that. They stare at you because they wonder if you just fell down a rabbit hole from the 1880s. > [@](#): > > Concubine strictly meant a woman in a relationship with a man which was permanent, long term, similar to marriage but without the formal recognition of that state. No, it doesn’t. Context is a thing. History exists. Words have connotations other than their dictionary definitions. Please keep your weirdo brain thoughts out of this woman’s business, and find something else to focus on. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/29 "2012-11-18T17:57:40Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Concubine strictly meant a woman in a relationship with a man which was permanent, long term, similar to marriage but without the formal recognition of that state. I agree its a loaded term, but it does describe what this is. > > I don’t really talk about people love life at their or anyone elses dinner party or in most situations really. 😉 A “concubine” is practically a slave. It hardly describes the relationship you find so odd. There’s no reason for you to be privy to the details of that relationship. In fact, your disapproval makes me wonder why they bother with you at all. Who do \*you \*bring to those social events? ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/30 "2012-11-18T18:26:24Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > :rolleyes: My approval or disapproval is undoubtedly irrelevant to them and certainly is to this thread. You “sense” seems to be misfiring. > How about “companion”? How about “girlfriend”? You rejected a perfectly respectable term for an arbitrary reason, unless the real reason is that you don’t want a respectable term. ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/31 "2012-11-18T18:47:03Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > A teenager you takes on dates is a girlfriend. Someone with whom you have two chikdren? I never use the term “girlfriend” for people older than their early twenties. It doesn’t sound right. Really SO - significant other is the best term. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/32 "2012-11-18T18:53:13Z")
Lady Friend works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/33 "2012-11-18T20:03:57Z")
He calls her Honeybunch, and she call him Snookums. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/34 "2012-11-18T22:52:51Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > A “concubine” is practically a slave. Looking at the [Wiki article](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concubine) that doesn’t appear to have been so, although some were. It looks more like something that doesn’t exist anymore because we don’t practice polygamy and no longer have such rigid class barriers; if some modern rich guy falls in love with a poor woman he has no legal barrier to just marrying her. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/35 "2012-11-18T23:51:36Z")
> [@tomcar](#): > > I never use the term “girlfriend” for people older than their early twenties. It doesn’t sound right. How about “old lady”? ---
**Author:** ![Rollo\_Tomasi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58956e/32.png) [@Rollo\_Tomasi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rollo_Tomasi)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/36 "2012-11-18T23:58:05Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > They have a LAT- relationship, Living Apart Together. What a useful term. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/37 "2012-11-19T00:07:45Z")
At a place I used to work at, one of my co-workers used to called the people in those circumstances “common-law bed-mates”. I thought the term was insulting, but in some circumstances, somewhat accurate. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/38 "2012-11-19T01:29:35Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Concubine strictly meant a woman in a relationship with a man which was permanent, long term, similar to marriage but without the formal recognition of that state. I agree its a loaded term, but it does describe what this is. If you want to go for strict definitions, both the OED and Merriam-Webster define a concubine as a woman who cohabits with a man but isn’t married to him. So if Mr. X and Mrs. Q don’t live together, she’s not his concubine. Even if they did live together, calling Mrs. Q a concubine sounds like you’re grasping for either a more exotic way of saying she’s Mr. X’s mistress or a more polite way of saying she’s his whore. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/39 "2012-11-19T03:36:04Z")
I referred to an ex-girlfriend as my concubine once, semi-facetiously but not inaccurately. She was furious after she looked it up. It was more loaded than I thought. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391/40 "2012-11-19T03:58:47Z")
\*\*AK84 \*\*are they exclusive? I can see your dilemma because none of the words you suggest are really apt, and I’d hesitate to say that “SO” or “girlfriend” are apt if their relationship isn’t exclusive. Although I suppose it may depend on what you put before those words ie if someone asked you “what relationship does this guy have with Mrs Q?”, much would depend on whether you said: "She is a girlfriend [or “an SO]” or “She is his girlfriend [or “an SO”]” The former is very pointed and the latter, to me, strongly implies exclusivity. You haven’t said whether they are exclusive. I must say I also don’t get from “girlfriend” the right mental picture because I don’t see the word as quite apt for someone you have two children with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-call-the-woman-in-this-relationship/641391.md?page=3)