Mine would be titled “Actually…” Subtitled “Confessions of a Know-It-All Who Doesn’t Know Very Much.”
The cover would feature me pointing a fork at the reader. (Inside joke)
I think Chuck Barris beat you to this one - his autobiography
The Roads Not Taken
If I wanted to depress people, I’d call it “Miles of Gray,” and include this poem I wrote when I was 20.
Confessions of a Stud Monkey!
shamelessly stolen from Berkely Breathed
Thank you! 
It seems to me that I’ve spent my whole life Scrouging for Pennies
Looking at my daytime life I’d probably go with a childishly simple, “Say Cheese.” If I look to my night-life persona, I might go for something like “Theremins are Sexy, Dammit!”
But for the entire picture, I’d go with something like “I’d Like to Shot You.”
Not with a gun…I’m a photographer, see?
I didn’t think they had comprehensives when you were a lad. Bet you’re a grammar school boy! Fry and I are very much the same age, and thus went to prep and public schools at much the same time. My school even used to play his school at cricket. So, when I read of all the kissing and smooching, and holding and fondling, and being lined up behind the bike sheds and vaselined prior to entry, I was left reflecting on how incredibly dull my schools had been. The best I could manage was being invited up into the girls’ dormitory in the girls’ house by a girl who’s name I still remember after all these years and given a big snog. Could have been expelled if we’d been caught.
Bouv, ‘keen as mustard’ doews have a ring to it, I admit. Very ‘Ice Cold in Alex’, very John Mills. Elfkin, your poem puts me in mind of a Simon and Garfunkel number.
“Potential unrealized, or How to get by fairly well despite Half-assed effort”
We got us a Chinese link to the Asia World Detective Agency. Would that middleman’s ‘confessions’ or Liberal’s Kantian riddle, I wonder.
A Study In 21th Century Multiplicity
“I’m Still Waiting for My MacArthur Genius Grant!”
I also want that on my tombstone.
Now I Can Laugh
Memoirs and Remembrances
by Askia
I’m Sorry, What Were You Saying? or Help! I Can’t Stop Thinking
Holding Pattern
Do Unto Others
and my personal favorite: Just About
Beyond the Toad Mountains
I’m currently working on a book that’s a collection of autobiographical essays and short stories set between 1972 and 1986 (with flashbacks from the 19th century to the present as relayed by old relatives). The working title is just Spinning in the Sunlight & other recollections but I’m hoping for something pithier. Things I’ve considered:
It’s a Southern Thing (Not Really, but that’s What We Tell Ourselves)
Casseroles for the Dead (from a comment of my mothers- “Mr. Kirby from the Presbyterian Church died in a wreck last night so I’m taking him a casserole.”
The Eunuch’s Grandson: Memoirs of a Stick Collector
The Absolute Definitive Secret History of Weokahatchee, AL, as Told to the Author the People Who Vaguely Remembered It
Other Families Just Don’t Do This (the suggestion of a Doper in the thread that contains very very rough drafts of a couple of the sections I’m using)
So far nothing has really leaped out and said “Pick me! Pick me!”, but hopefully it’ll come. For the cover I’d like four lynched Best-of-the-West figures in a cardboard box (from, of course, one of the stories).
This is the one.
Some possibilities…
Laugh, and the World Laughs with You; Cry, and the World Laughs at You
Rattling the Bars: Confessions of a Patron of the Human Zoo
Words Typed by a Small Angry Man