# What would you do about a car pool mate who was constantly 3 to 8 minutes late? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 29, 2012, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436 "2012-11-29T03:08:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/121 "2012-12-03T01:43:34Z")
> [@Obsidian](#): > > Yes, and 6 months ago I’d have agreed. But after uncomplainingly cooperating with the later start time for so long, the OP has, for all intents and purposes, agreed with 6:38. He gave up the moral high ground a long time ago. I don’t agree that someone putting up with a chronically late person has given up the moral high ground - the chronically late person is still in the wrong. > [@](#): > > Now he’s changing things, and a warning is appropriate. I do agree with this, though - you have tacitly given their lateness your approval, and you are now revoking that. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/122 "2012-12-03T02:49:42Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I guess I don’t understand. I’m sure I don’t understand. I guess it comes down to scheduling and what you do before work. I know how long it takes me to do something like getting ready for work because I’ve done it thousands of times before. > > For myself at least, it is as simple as getting up when the alarm goes off, getting ready for work and leaving for work. That takes 45 minutes. I don’t start other tasks because it will make me late. > > I guess I have certain times of the day that I will do certain things. When getting ready for work, that’s what I do. Nothing else. I don’t do bills, I don’t do any other ‘chore’. I get ready for work. > > If I’m getting ready for any appointment, I set a time that I must leave. And. I. Simply. Leave. > > Why do people start other tasks when they know it will make them late? Do you really want to hear why it takes me so long to get ready for work? I’d love to be one of those people that can jump out of bed, get in the shower, dress, grab a coffee and be out the door, but I’m not. I like to get up 21/2 hours before I leave for work. Sometimes I hit the snooze button and get up 10 minutes later. I have dogs. I choose to take them to the park in the morning before work. That takes at least an hour. Sometimes longer if it’s a nice morning, shorter if the weather is miserable. Then I go about the rest of my get ready for work routine.. breakfast for the dogs and the cat and me and making my lunch and getting showered and dressed and perhaps you can see how things can go astray… there is lots of time, but sometimes I get lost in just having a moment with the dogs, or trying to find something to wear or realizing the shirt I selected has a big stain so I need to find something else or I can’t find the cardigan I wanted to wear, or the cat has slipped out the door and I don’t want him outside all day… I don’t start tasks knowing it will make me late. I think I have time, and then I realize I don’t or I think of something that I think needs doing, like the load of laundry that should go in the dryer before it starts to get stinky in the washer (and yes, i should have done that before bed, but I was tired and it was late) and then I’m starting to run late. All excuses… but I am not inconveniencing anyone with my tardiness, so while I wish I was more punctual, I am at a loss to change myself and not overly motivated to do so. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/123 "2012-12-03T04:42:00Z")
But couldn’t you do like **Leaffan** and do some if those things the night before, if you’d really like to become more punctual? Take your shower / make your lunch / pick your clothes to wear the next day? And truly, if your stuff in the washer is about to go rancid, waiting until you’ve gotten back home from work isn’t really going to exponentially make things worse. I’m just asking out of curiosity too. I have no one in my life who is so tardy as to cause this problem. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/124 "2012-12-03T05:01:00Z")
> [@brainstall](#): > > I don’t start tasks knowing it will make me late. You say this just after listing a bunch of tasks which, if not carefully organized and managed, will often do just that. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/125 "2012-12-03T11:51:48Z")
Meh. I help my gf feed the horses each morning, fill bird feeders, let the chickens out, collect eggs in season, mess around on the computer, read, take a dump, shave, shower, etc. I take three dogs to work with me, although work is just a fifteen minute drive. I don’t start making £/$/€ until I get to work. I don’t recall ever being late other than a rare disaster (sick horse). ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/126 "2012-12-03T18:38:59Z")
Wow. All this fuss over minutes. Personally, I would consider anything between 6:30 and 6:35 on time. When my son was in a private high school about 40 miles away, I drove three other kids in the mornings in exchange for the parents alternating picking up my son from school. We met at a gas station by the turnpike each morning at 6:30. Depending on their morning, some people showed at 6:25 and some showed at 6:35. I never considered anyone late until 6:40 because then we could possibly have an issue of the kids being late for school. Perhaps as others have said, move the meeting time to 6:25 but mentally still think of 6:30 as on time. It will save you an ulcer in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/127 "2012-12-03T20:34:49Z")
I think 6:20 is your best shot at fixing this. Some people are just consistently late so you have to give them an earlier target to shoot for. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/128 "2013-01-07T03:17:13Z")
Well, Mr. 3 to 8 minutes late wants to leave 10 minutes earlier tomorrow morning because he has to be on time for an 8:15 meeting. He texted me asking if we could leave at 6:20 instead of 6:30. I responded by saying, “Sure. I’ll be there at 6:20 and expect to see you by 6:23 to 6:28.” He came back with “ha ha.” I’m being passive aggressive for sure. I wonder how this will affect our future departure times now? I know you’re all waiting with bated breath. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/129 "2013-01-07T03:38:58Z")
Dude, you really need to grow some balls and talk to him like an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/130 "2013-01-07T03:47:45Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Dude, you really need to grow some balls and talk to him like an adult. OK. I’ll get right on that. I’ll sit him down and explain to him (with one eye twitching) why I am upset with his constant 3 to 8 minute late times. Yup. That’s what I’m going to do. Anyway, I have mentioned it and he sloughs it off. I’m almost tempted to be a few minutes late tomorrow morning and act as if everything’s OK and normal. I’ll send him a text message at 6:20 saying “2 mins” and then arrive at 6:28 like he’s been doing to me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/131 "2013-01-07T03:48:44Z")
Ah, I think it’s fine. He might actually square his shit away now that he knows you’ve noticed his chronic “just a bit late is okay” habits. ---
**Author:** ![Kilmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a6a055/32.png) [@Kilmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilmore)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/132 "2013-01-07T03:54:06Z")
My behavior modification idea? 5 minutes late buys 2 days of gas. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/133 "2013-01-07T03:55:12Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Ah, I think it’s fine. He might actually square his shit away now that he knows you’ve noticed his chronic “just a bit late is okay” habits. I bet a hundred internet dollars doesn’t show up on time tomorrow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/134 "2013-01-07T03:58:29Z")
Is there a family dog? “Dude, next time your late I’m killing your fucking dog”. (If they have a cat, subsititute “cat” for “dog”.) Oh, and you’re kinda obligated to follow through. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/135 "2013-01-07T04:10:08Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > I bet a hundred internet dollars doesn’t show up on time tomorrow. 😃 I won’t take that bet - he probably won’t change his ways, but there’s a chance. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/136 "2013-01-07T04:15:20Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Is there a family dog? “Dude, next time your late I’m killing your fucking dog”. > > (If they have a cat, subsititute “cat” for “dog”.) > > Oh, and you’re kinda obligated to follow through. I could probably sneak inside and boil his rabbit. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/137 "2013-01-07T04:16:09Z")
For legal reasons, I can’t say, “DO EEEEET!” ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/138 "2013-01-07T04:19:13Z")
I was always taught to plan to be somewhere half an hour early, to give myself a margin for late buses and the likes. I usually end up being at _least_ an hour early. And I’m horrendously disorganised. OP’s guy can definitely manage to leave 8 minutes earlier. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/139 "2013-01-07T13:07:55Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Anyway, I have mentioned it and he sloughs it off. Because there haven’t been any real consequences (like him having to drive his own delinquent ass to work because you left on time). Little kids are great at this, too: parents who constantly make threats but never follow through find that their kids don’t listen to a goddam thing they say. Yes, he’s acting like a little kid. What will you do about that? Mention it all you want, but until you demonstrate that his choices will have real consequences for him, he won’t change his behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436/140 "2013-01-07T14:12:24Z")
He arrived 15 seconds after me today. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-about-a-car-pool-mate-who-was-constantly-3-to-8-minutes-late/642436.md?page=8)