# What would you do for $1 million? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 18, 2007, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317 "2007-07-18T22:38:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/21 "2007-07-19T15:21:54Z")
If it’s a guaranteed million and if it’s a competition are two different things. If you tell me I have to do something measuring up to some parameters - like sleep with Robert Redford, yuck - and then I get a million, hell yeah, I’m there. If I have to compete week after week on national television with some stupid events then count me out. Not to say there isn’t some things I would do, but none of them would be outrageous enough to gain your attention I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/22 "2007-07-19T15:23:25Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] A million could buy significant insulation from all sorts of future hassles. I can’t honestly believe you’d turn it down just because you had to get the car out to go and collect it. [/QUOTE] Yeah. It was mostly a joke. I just want to be tested! ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/23 "2007-07-19T15:26:15Z")
I’d thoroughly lick the asshole of a cat. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/24 "2007-07-19T16:10:21Z")
I’d watch \*\*pool \*\* thoroughly lick the asshole of a cat. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/25 "2007-07-19T16:11:59Z")
[QUOTE=Atomicktom] I’d watch \*\* pool \*\* thoroughly lick the asshole of a cat. [/QUOTE] I’d watch \*\*Atomicktom \*\*watch \*\*pool \*\*…nah, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/26 "2007-07-19T16:16:04Z")
[QUOTE=Rhiannon8404] Well, I’d certainly sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. [/QUOTE] Sleep? In bed with Robert Redford, and you’d sleep?! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/27 "2007-07-19T16:36:22Z")
When thoroughly licking the asshole of a cat, do you have to hold the tail up, or does the cat do it for you? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/28 "2007-07-19T16:41:00Z")
The cat will not only hold up its tail, it will back aggressively toward your tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/29 "2007-07-19T16:44:25Z")
I’m getting a funny feeling that some people aren’t really interested in the money. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/30 "2007-07-19T17:02:18Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] I stand by my offer to have a threesome with Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley for a million dollars. [/QUOTE] That brings up the question though. Do they have to split the million or do they get a million each? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/31 "2007-07-19T18:33:46Z")
[QUOTE=Zeldar] … That’s pretty much me. I wouldn’t mind having a million more dollars, but I’m not going to any special trouble for it. I hate hassles. [/QUOTE] I think I’m with you. It can’t be too easy otherwise, I’m not putting down the remote control and getting dressed. Now for something completly different… How about thoroughly liking Robert Redford’s cat’s asshole. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/32 "2007-07-19T19:13:07Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] I think I’m with you. It can’t be too easy otherwise, I’m not putting down the remote control and getting dressed. Now for something completly different… How about thoroughly liking Robert Redford’s cat’s asshole. SSG Schwartz [/QUOTE] For a million bucks I’d like his cats ass plenty 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/33 "2007-07-19T20:49:30Z")
See that’s why I wouldn’t even attempt it - there’s no way I could compete with you cats-ass-lickers. Oh, I know people will say “but if you saw the money, you’d capitulate and lick the cat’s ass”. No, I really wouldn’t. Not for a million, not for ten million. I will not lick it here or there, I will not lick it anywhere. Someone else gets the million. I get to stay poor and occasionally wistfully regret not being brave enough. That’s better, IMO, than being rich and occasionally remembering that I licked a cat’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/34 "2007-07-19T21:03:29Z")
As far as TV shows go I think it would be pretty crappy and not go very far. Reason being they already attempt similar type contests and they end up being pretty boring. A local radio show here did the “What would you do for a Playstation 3?” thing last year. Since you can’t really do anything dangerous for fear of network or radio station getting sued (no chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels, no leaping off a moving car, etc.) you usually end up with someone eating something gross which everyones already seen a hundred times on Fear Factor. Or it’s some kind of endurance stunt where they’ll sit in a tree for a week. Doesn’t really make for compelling television. ---
**Author:** ![groman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@groman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/35 "2007-07-19T21:04:54Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] I will consult with the legal dept. Maybe we could commute your sentence if you win. SSG Schwartz [/QUOTE] I see now I would also have to compete with cat-ass-lickers, so if you really want an interesting show (it might take more than 15 minutes), and you can guarantee immunity, and offer much more than a million dollars (I’m not sure how much yet, I’m thinking about it, probably at least $10 mil): I can catch, slaughter and butcher an audience member of my choice, then cook their liver and eat it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/36 "2007-07-19T22:13:42Z")
[QUOTE=drachillix] For a million, _I_ would sleep with Robert Redford, and I’m a straight guy. [/QUOTE] Charles Barkley already bottom-lined this when he asked a bunch of male reporters at a news conference a few years ago if they would “suck a dick for a million.” Seeing that they were unable to get over their shock, he answered for them. “Of course you’d suck a dick for a million dollars. Hell, I’d suck a dick for million dollars.”\* [QUOTE=Mangetout] See that’s why I wouldn’t even attempt it - there’s no way I could compete with you cats-ass-lickers. Oh, I know people will say “but if you saw the money, you’d capitulate and lick the cat’s ass”. No, I really wouldn’t. Not for a million, not for ten million. I will not lick it here or there, I will not lick it anywhere. Someone else gets the million. I get to stay poor and occasionally wistfully regret not being brave enough. That’s better, IMO, than being rich and occasionally remembering that I licked a cat’s ass. [/QUOTE] Funny stuff. However, let me rephrase the question just for you: “What would you \*eat \* for a million dollars,” keeping in mind the more exotic, non-mainstream foodstuff gives you more of a chance of getting the million. - Neither Charles Barkley nor any reporters _I_ know are actually gay, so there is a game-show challenge to this proposal. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/37 "2007-07-19T22:28:00Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] Funny stuff. However, let me rephrase the question just for you: “What would you \*eat \* for a million dollars,” keeping in mind the more exotic, non-mainstream foodstuff gives you more of a chance of getting the million. [/QUOTE] I dunno. This is going to come as a bit of a shock and disappointment to some, but _I don’t actually eat everything_. I do in fact limit myself to things that I think there’s at least a remote chance I’ll enjoy eating. I’ll eat some kinds of bugs for a million, probably live ones, but I wouldn’t eat stinkbugs, for example. I’m really not all that good at this sort of thing when the pressure is on, so I think I’d probably just shrug and not take part. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/38 "2007-07-19T22:33:17Z")
[QUOTE=groman] I see now I would also have to compete with cat-ass-lickers, so if you really want an interesting show (it might take more than 15 minutes), and you can guarantee immunity, and offer much more than a million dollars (I’m not sure how much yet, I’m thinking about it, probably at least $10 mil): I can catch, slaughter and butcher an audience member of my choice, then cook their liver and eat it. 😉 [/QUOTE] \*\*groman, \*\* I like the way you think, and based upon your input, I consulted the Justice Department, the program’s legal department, the producers of the show, and also the League of Women voters. Unfortunately, total immunity is out. I was also advised that murdering audience members generally tends to keep people out of the studio. The production team feels that we may have a better chance of having a successful program if we can keep people in the studio. > [@](#): > > _OP by Hampshire:_ As far as TV shows go I think it would be pretty crappy and not go very far. > Reason being they already attempt similar type contests and they end up being pretty boring. A local radio show here did the “What would you do for a Playstation 3?” thing last year. Since you can’t really do anything dangerous for fear of network or radio station getting sued (no chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels, no leaping off a moving car, etc.) you usually end up with someone eating something gross which everyones already seen a hundred times on Fear Factor. Or it’s some kind of endurance stunt where they’ll sit in a tree for a week. > Doesn’t really make for compelling television. Have discussed this issue with the legal team also. We have a very firm liability vaiver that must be read before you appear on the program. One of the clauses in the waiver allows the creator of the show to become a non-contributing house guest for a period of no less than six months of anyone who tries to sue anyone involved with the program. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![groman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@groman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/39 "2007-07-19T22:43:51Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] \*\*groman, \*\* I like the way you think, and based upon your input, I consulted the Justice Department, the program’s legal department, the producers of the show, and also the League of Women voters. Unfortunately, total immunity is out. I was also advised that murdering audience members generally tends to keep people out of the studio. The production team feels that we may have a better chance of having a successful program if we can keep people in the studio. [/QUOTE] That’s a pity, really. Maybe it could be a surprise or perhaps if I limit myself to crew or fellow contestants? There’s many things I’d do but I draw a line at permanent damage to myself or excessive humiliation. I briefly considered offering to shoot myself somewhere non-lethal and then remove the bullet but then I can’t think of a place that’s likely non-lethal (nor causes major damage) that’s not going to go right through. But hell, for only $100K, I’ll read Charles Dickens for 15 minutes. For $900K more I will refrain from doing so out loud. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317/40 "2007-07-19T22:49:29Z")
[QUOTE=groman] But hell, for only $100K, I’ll read Charles Dickens for 15 minutes. For $900K more I will refrain from doing so out loud. [/QUOTE] I spit beer on my moniter over that one, but that go you the lead off position in the pilot episode. SSG Schwartz [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-for-1-million/412317.md?page=3)