# What would you do? Gross but realistic **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2002, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041 "2002-03-31T08:29:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/21 "2002-04-01T15:27:09Z")
I would simply ask the host for a plunger, or wait a few minutes for the water to soften the dookie and try flushing again. If there was no success, I would close the lid and affix a Post-It or some such note warning future users that the toilet isn’t flushing correctly. I see no need to remove it from the bowl–that just seems absurd! After all… …shit happens. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/22 "2002-04-01T15:34:41Z")
My gorge is starting to rise just reading this thread. _Squishing_ it down the sink? AHHHHHH! If I ever had to resort to such desparate measures, I’d want someone to kill me. ---
**Author:** ![cagiva650](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cagiva650](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cagiva650)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/23 "2002-04-01T16:11:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ruffian \* > \*\*I would simply ask the host for a plunger, or wait a few minutes for the water to soften the dookie and try flushing again. If there was no success, I would close the lid and affix a Post-It or some such note warning future users that the toilet isn’t flushing correctly. > > I see no need to remove it from the bowl–that just seems absurd! After all… > > …shit happens. \*\* Sound advice, I agree the situation does not warrant panic or fear and BTW dookie is a great word! dookie, dookie,dookie take a lookie see it rising Up Up Up Watch Your feet grab an _old_ towel to mop it up. Whew just hit the rim and back in. Don’t flush again! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/24 "2002-04-01T16:17:47Z")
1.) Remove lid from top of water reservoir tank behind toilet. 2.) Collect sea pickles from bowl and place in said reservoir. 3.) Replace lid. 4.) Position self so shocked face of next angler can be see exiting the spawning room. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/25 "2002-04-01T17:42:01Z")
And, more importantly, why am I loving this thread? I’m near tears over here!!! At any rate, I’m going for the “male” M.O. here–go find the host/hostess and ask for a plunger, then wrestle him or her for the right to take care of the problem, if necessary. However, there is a third option: leave the lid open and call the dog…:eek: ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/26 "2002-04-01T17:57:12Z")
Yep, ask for a plunger. Everyone who feels embarrassed about admitting that they go to the bathroom, sing this song to yourself (or out loud!) until you can face reality: Everyone goes poo-poo Yes indeed they do Everyone goes poo-poo I do–do you? Search the whole world over Travel near and far And everyone goes poo-poo No matter who they are. (Stolen from Sesame Street and modified–it was “Everyone loves ice cream.”) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/27 "2002-04-01T18:01:22Z")
> [@](#): > > However, there is a third option: leave the lid open and call the dog…:eek: You’re assuming they own a Golden Retriever eh? ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/28 "2002-04-01T18:09:33Z")
I could never, ever do #2 at a friends house, especially during a dinner party. Actually, I couldn’t even do it at my own house during a dinner party. For the most part I have bowels of steel. Now that I think about it I haven’t done #2 anywhere but home in years. And no, I haven’t been away on vacation in years. Honey ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/29 "2002-04-01T18:14:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MadSam \* > Now what do you do if No. 2 is performed and then you realize after the act that there is no toilet paper???. Somebody at my sister’s housewarming party used the hand towel.:eek: It was rinsed out, then hung back up. Someone else had used the empty toilet paper roll and put it in the trash. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/30 "2002-04-01T18:31:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*You’re assuming they own a Golden Retriever eh? \*\* I was thinking Weimaraner, but a Golden would do the trick… Hell, sometimes I wonder what MY dog (a labbish mutt) is doing out there in the backyard sometimes, with the breath she brings back into the house… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/31 "2002-04-02T08:48:33Z")
:eek: I could not fish my own turds out of the toilet. I can’t imagine scooping my own poop out of the toilet and hiding it or something. (well, maybe if I accidentally swallowed a diamond ring and shat it out. Maybe.) However, I suppose it is creative, in a freaky kinda way, to wrap up your own crap in toilet paper and fling it out the window. But squishing it down the sink?? Again, I’ll say we need a barfing smiley. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/32 "2002-04-02T15:13:58Z")
If you needed a plunger wouldn’t the toliet have overflowed? Then you would need a mop as well. However learning the basic mechanics of the toliet bowl is one of the great things in life. You will fear the bathroom much less if you know how it works. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/33 "2002-04-02T15:27:48Z")
In reality, I’ll fish for bass or compliments but there ain’t no frikken’ way I’m gonna reach into the shitter and pull a fresh steamer out. I think the onus (yes, that’s onus with an “o”) should be put back on the homeowner/host. You wanna have a dinner party or house warming? Check your bathroom beforehand, stockboy. You need to have (1) a full roll of butt tickets, (2) a plunger that could suck Jessica McClure out of a velcro glove and (3) matchbooks from a Mexican restaurant. Anything less and you’re flirting with becoming a shitty host. ---
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/34 "2002-04-02T15:56:19Z")
It’s easy to second guess here and say, “Of course I’d go ask for a plunger or whatever instrument is necessary to take care of business.” But in the heat of the moment, panic takes over. I know because something like this happened to my SO. Only it wasn’t poo that got stuck in the toilet, it was the hostess’ pumpkin pie. It was her first dinner party and Thanksgiving. The whole meal was awful; the turkey was underdone, the corn-on-the-cob tasted like rubber- you get the picture. Well Eddie couldn’t choke down the pie so he took it with him when he went in the bathroom and tried to flush it down the toilet!! When it wouldn’t go down, he called me in. I thought he was sick or had run out of TP. We had whispered hysterics trying to get that pie flushed. I think he eventually attacked it into a 100 pieces with the end of a toothbrush and it got sucked down. Gosh, what a terrible memory! ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/35 "2002-04-02T16:16:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GKW \* > \*\*It’s easy to second guess here and say, “Of course I’d go ask for a plunger or whatever instrument is necessary to take care of business.” But in the heat of the moment, panic takes over. > > I know because something like this happened to my SO. Only it wasn’t poo that got stuck in the toilet, it was the hostess’ pumpkin pie. It was her first dinner party and Thanksgiving. The whole meal was awful; the turkey was underdone, the corn-on-the-cob tasted like rubber- you get the picture. Well Eddie couldn’t choke down the pie so he took it with him when he went in the bathroom and tried to flush it down the toilet!! > > When it wouldn’t go down, he called me in. I thought he was sick or had run out of TP. We had whispered hysterics trying to get that pie flushed. I think he eventually attacked it into a 100 pieces with the end of a toothbrush and it got sucked down. Gosh, what a terrible memory! \*\* Please tell me you didn’t put the toothbrush back. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/36 "2002-04-02T18:38:44Z")
GKW said: “it was the hostess’ pumpkin pie” Somebody please help me off the floor. ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/37 "2002-04-03T01:55:17Z")
first: make the toilet flush (practice at home!) second: lower the seat, remove tank lid (I was going to say ‘tank top’, but not with this crowd) and place lid sideways on seat. This is an old signal ‘do not use - out of order’ [sub]when one enlists in the campaign against ignorance, one must expect to find one’s self in strange locales…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Joyfulgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f04885/32.png) [@Joyfulgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joyfulgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/38 "2002-04-03T05:53:25Z")
Something that has saved me a few times: if the toilet starts to overflow and there’s no plunger in sight, or it isn’t working, there’s usually a water valve on the side of the toilet. It’s a little metal thing connected to a hose. Twist until water is turned off, and wait a few minutes. The toilet will usually flush itself after that. Even if it doesn’t, it still buys you some time AND saves the floor. Just remember to turn the water back on after the toilet flushes itself. That way, no one has to stuff crap down the sink. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/39 "2002-04-03T08:17:35Z")
What would be wrong with whispering in the host’s ear that you took a dump and the toilet won’t flush. Odds are the host may have known the crapper was inoperative. Stuffing it down the sink is gross, and I for one I’m glad I didn’t have to kiss her hand, or ask her to pass me a bun or something. ---
**Author:** ![thecolonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/13edae/32.png) [@thecolonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thecolonist)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041/40 "2002-04-03T11:55:28Z")
Don’t any of you neanderthals know how to use the three seashells? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-gross-but-realistic/101041.md?page=3)