What would you do if I licked my fingers before turning the pages of your books?

Here’s the real test.

I have an old porn mag collection, anyone care to turn the pages in my all time favorite Hustler (the one with a centerfold shoot directed by Dennis Hopper)?

You might need to use the finger dampening technique as some of the pages are curiously stuck together.

Squick ya out, or what?!


I would tell them I read on the toilet.

Well how much spit is there? Are the pages getting wrinkly because they’re drooling all over their fingers? That’s just rude because they’re damaging the book.

Who is this person exactly? Am I familiar with, and approve of their cooties? Then go right ahead and lick your fingers. If you are some random skeevy person with giant pustules and stuff, then No! A thousand times no!

With normal, approved, spit cooties, it is a fact that by the time the spit dries and you go to read the book yourself, the cooties have been neutralized by healthy book magic. Magazines do not have this magic and so devilsknew’s Hustler is permanently cooty-ized and the print equivalent of an untouchable.

With books, the stuff I worry about is underlining, spilling food and drink, dog ears, and spine breaking. Book magic is a slight, gentle magic and cannot repair these. If you do this to a friend-- erm, book I’ve loaned you… Well, they’ll never find the body, that’s what.

Those of you who nix the spit technique probably don’t want to use the public library ever again.

Don’t lick my stuff. It’s my stuff. Only I get to lick it. Not that I’d do that with a book anyway. I have too much respect for books. And I don’t see the point anyway. I’ve never met a page I couldn’t turn sans saliva.

We’re talking about licking the pages here, Kalhoun. Licking!

I laughed harder than I ever have at some of your replies. Thank you. :stuck_out_tongue:

No we’re not! We’re talking about licking your fingers to turn the pages. Fingers! Not pages! Re-read the OP.

Okay, so call it “indirect licking,” like the cat does when it’s cleaning its head and the tongue won’t reach.

My comment to you was a joke, referring to your “lick, lick, fuck” comment. Licking body parts before touching my book with them is bad enough…

Hey, InvisibleWombat, how’d you come up with such a cool name?

On the topic of the thread: Strangers do not touch my books without my permission. Friends do not touch my books without my permission. Anyone who damages a book is forbidden from ever touching one of mine again. And as for licking it… Yuck. Depending how highly I regard the person involved, it might rate anything from a “don’t do that again, please” to a “Never go near one of my books again, you freak!”

Hellllooooo! Fingers! Not pages! Licking your fingers to get some traction on the pages is a far cry from licking the fucking book! It doesn’t damage the book. Repeat: It Doesn’t Damage the Book!

I’d wait a few minutes and then say, “I think that’s one of the books the cat pissed on a while back, does it still smell?”

If they can continue licking after that, good luck to them!

It dates back to high school. The subject of wombats came up in a science class and a bunch of the girls decided they were cute. The girls walked around the school pretending to be holding and stroking invisible wombats. Naturally, I volunteered to be one…

Either way, you’re getting saliva on my book. Setting aside the rudeness of it for a moment, moisture + books is not a good combination. I don’t care what you do with your own books. Gain traction by rubbing your fingers in the cat’s litterbox for all I care. Just don’t do it to someone else’s books.

Do you make people wear gloves? You’re getting as much moisture of a sweaty person’s hands as you’ll get from a finger-licker. Probably more.