# What would you do if your daughter did porn? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 30, 2013, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132 "2013-11-30T12:50:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/81 "2013-12-02T02:33:57Z")
First of all, I will always love my daughter, not matter what. If she were doing porn that would put an almost unbearable strain on our relationship. I don’t think she would be welcome in my house except in the most extreme of situations (funeral). If she had done porn, but no longer did and regretted having done it, she would be welcome 100%. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/82 "2013-12-02T02:54:18Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > First of all, I will always love my daughter, not matter what. > > If she were doing porn that would put an almost unbearable strain on our relationship. I don’t think she would be welcome in my house except in the most extreme of situations (funeral). > > If she had done porn, but no longer did and regretted having done it, she would be welcome 100%. Because . . . the best way you can think of to express your disapproval and disappointment is to sever the relationship? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/83 "2013-12-02T03:01:40Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > In my view, it doesn’t help when one of the industry’s greatest “[success stories](http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Jenna_Jameson)” ends up (allegedly) strung out on oxy, arrested for DUI and battery, losing two homes to foreclosure, and returning to porn (for the sake of her kids) five years after quitting the business forever (for the sake of her kids). > > I like porn as much as the next guy, but commercial porn remains a sleazy and exploitative industry that I wouldn’t want anyone I care about being a part of. I’ve got nothing to say about the topic but for your Jenna Jameson I raise you Asia Carrera. > **[Asia Carrera](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asia_Carrera)** > > Asia Carrera Lemmon (born Jessica Steinhauser, August 6, 1973) is an American former pornographic actress. > Asia Carrera was born Jessica Steinhauser in New York City to a German mother and Japanese father, the oldest of four siblings. She was raised in Little Silver, New Jersey, and attended Red Bank Regional High School. At the age of 16, she taught English at Tsuruga College in Tsuruga, Fukui, Japan. > At 17 years old, Carrera ran away from home due to overwhelming parental pressures and att... ETA: Although it does upset me to think of the fathers basically throwing their daughters out of the house. That might be the moment they need you the most…but then I came from a house where I was thrown out at the very moment I most needed my parents, so I am not really surprised. Would you also throw your son out of the house? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/84 "2013-12-02T03:10:50Z")
> [@pool](#): > > Because there is nothing good about being a dehumanized prostitute. Sez you. > [@amorali](#): > > That and the acting is terrible, it’s usually awkward and there’s no context. Somehow when it was harder to come by it was more exciting. Remember when they did try to act though? The Golden Age of Porn. What was that, circa 1980? Late 1970s? They touched on this in _Boogie Nights_ (1997). ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/85 "2013-12-02T03:14:14Z")
It would depend on the studio, really. There’s a huge difference between Vivid and Max Hardcore, you know? If it was at a studio that required testing and safe sexual practices, put out movies that were not simply and utterly about degrading women to the point of tears, I’d still be not completely comfortable with it, but not to the point of alarm. If it was the Max Hardcore sort of porn, I think I’d be staging some sort of intervention, because those are unsafe and terrible working conditions. The treatment of women in those videos is just short of illegal - and not always short of it. That’d be the same if it was my son, too. I will say that it is big news when a performer gets an STD or is HIV+ these days, and can shut down the entire industry for weeks on end. I would only totally and utterly fail as a parent if I disowned my child for a choice my child made. It might make me uncomfortable, I might be frightened for them, but they’d be an adult. And porn or sex work isn’t the end of the world. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/86 "2013-12-02T04:13:53Z")
Y’see, **InternetLegend** , when you explain it like that, then your reaction makes sense – in \*your \*case, of course. Your initial response seemed to have a kind of “it just is so” element to it, the elaboration filled in important blanks. Many of us do not consider it self-evdent truths that sex work is _malum per se_, or the premise that no normal healthy person would ever willingly get into it. OTOH _knowing_ a person and seeing her act entirely out of character with no warning signs IS reason to worry that something’s wrong. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/87 "2013-12-02T04:26:42Z")
I think that’s the element of it being a question of what I’d do or think about _my_ daughter doing it, rather than an acquaintance or a stranger. I don’t like the realities I’ve seen around porn and prostitution, so I wouldn’t be enthusiastic about it for any woman I know, but if it were my own daughter, I’d be really upset. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/88 "2013-12-02T04:34:24Z")
Don’t get me wrong - I believe that adults should be free to choose their own paths, and if one person wants to buy sex and another wants to sell it, I wouldn’t stand in their way. That doesn’t mean I don’t notice that sex work and drug abuse go hand in hand or that porn often features the abuse and degradation of women, and that doesn’t make me inclined to like it. Don’t get the impression that I’m some Puritan who doesn’t think that people should get naked or that everyone shouldn’t enjoy their own sexuality, even if they’re people I gave birth to a couple of decades ago. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/89 "2013-12-02T05:44:26Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I’m sorry but if you enjoy watching porn but you find it sleazy, terrible, and wouldn’t want anyone you care about being a part of it, then you’re kind of a hypocrit. Empathy/sympathy demands that you care about those folks even if you aren’t related to them by blood (and we are all related by blood if you go back far enough). > > Either you support porn, enjoy it, and support people’s right to engage in it (including your family), or you don’t. I hear this argument sometimes, and, respectfully, I disagree. There are any number of dreary, crappy, soul-crushing jobs out there that I wouldn’t want my kid doing, but I’m not going to boycott someone else who’s making a living with the hand life dealt them. And the difference between family and strangers is that if it’s my son who’s working the sort of job that tends to attract people who lack either opportunity, skills, or judgment, then I’m probably at least partly directly responsible for those deficiencies, so I have a corresponding obligation to help him out. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/90 "2013-12-02T06:39:44Z")
I would obviously hope for the best for my future kids (I don’t have any yet), but if they were happy, contributing to society, or whatever, then I’d support them and love them all the same. The idea that you’d be disappointed in your kids for becoming garbage men, for example, is curious to me. If that’s what they want to do, and it’s a service that people want and need, then what the hell is the problem? I remember growing up, I worked for my dad’s roofing company over the summers, and all the roofers constantly told me how I needed to do better and not get into the roofing career. I never had any plans to, but I always found this a curious sentiment. We need roofers. It’s a service that needs to be done. And yet here were these career roofers warning me not to do it, as if they have some guilt about it. If it’s something you enjoy, even if it’s a non-essential service like creating pornography, or art, or video games, or whatever, then I’m going to support you to do it. If it’s actively harmful and scammy (like tarot reading) then I’m not going to support you, and I’ll be pretty disappointed. The idea that you would disown your daughters for doing porn is disgusting to me, but at least one person said that’s pretty much what they would do. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/91 "2013-12-02T06:57:18Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > As a father of a 14 and 15 year old daughter… basically I would disown her. Figures. :rolleyes: Conservative family values in action. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/92 "2013-12-02T07:44:28Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I would obviously hope for the best for my future kids (I don’t have any yet), but if they were happy, contributing to society, or whatever, then I’d support them and love them all the same. The idea that you’d be disappointed in your kids for becoming garbage men, for example, is curious to me. If that’s what they want to do, and it’s a service that people want and need, then what the hell is the problem? > > I remember growing up, I worked for my dad’s roofing company over the summers, and all the roofers constantly told me how I needed to do better and not get into the roofing career. I never had any plans to, but I always found this a curious sentiment. We need roofers. It’s a service that needs to be done. And yet here were these career roofers warning me not to do it, as if they have some guilt about it. > > If it’s something you enjoy, even if it’s a non-essential service like creating pornography, or art, or video games, or whatever, then I’m going to support you to do it. If it’s actively harmful and scammy (like tarot reading) then I’m not going to support you, and I’ll be pretty disappointed. > > The idea that you would disown your daughters for doing porn is disgusting to me, but at least one person said that’s pretty much what they would do. Not to stray from the subject, but perhaps they were advising you not to get in the roofing business because it is not (even if much needed) fun work. It can actually be miserable work, as you must know. Especially if done day in and day out. My ex-husband did it for 20+ years - for other contractors at first and later under his own license. I helped him often and was the grunt woman 🙂 on many roofs. I did it in the dead of Michigan winters and scorching hot days in the summer. I did tear-offs with him on everything from easy “gravy,” as we called it-- 4:12 pitch roofs to 12:16 ankle killers. I ran a power-ladder sometimes also - that was kinda of fun, but picking up the 80lb bundles of shingles was super hard work. Yes, **drewtwo99** , there is a need for roofers, and somebody has to do it. Anyway, I have a 13 year old daughter. I was talking about this with my boyfriend earlier; I don’t foresee her getting into the porn industry. There is nothing about how she’s being raised that could possibly send her in that direction, but with that said, surely there are men and women who are in this profession that had/have perfectly supportive parents and were given plenty of opportunities in life. “ **Never** ,” is a word that I stay away from because you just can’t predict the future with 100% certainty. If she did work in porn, I would be worried … full of advice and questions, I’m sure. Truthfully, my instinct as a mother would be to steer her in a different direction. I would not, however, disown her, or be ashamed of her. And, I would continue to support her in anyway that she needed me to. And yes, I watch porn. My response is not influenced by this fact. I don’t know about the private life and choices of any porn stars. I’m sure, we can all agree that the reasons for their decisions to be in the industry are quite varied. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/93 "2013-12-02T08:35:09Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Figures. :rolleyes: Conservative family values in action. ☹ The one porn star I personally knew is a life-long Republican. From [her web site](http://www.jodymaxwell.com) (which is, shockingly, completely safe for work): > [@](#): > > Jody’s many-sided interests have included an abundant history in politics. She held many offices in the Young Republicans and attended Young Republican National Leadership Training School, in Washington, D.C. She has known many famous political figures and officeholders, and has been a guest at the White House. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/94 "2013-12-02T09:53:15Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Figures. :rolleyes: Conservative family values in action. ☹ I will add that disowning someone removes any influence you have on their future. A cousin of mine briefly worked as a stripper and her family’s unhappiness with the choice is why she’s now an RN and divorced from the guy who saw her only value as being “hot.” ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/95 "2013-12-02T09:55:13Z")
scootergirl, thanks for your contribution. I haven’t heard the phrase 4:12 in a long time (spoken 4 and 12 where I’m from). Brings back the memories! And yup, we called it gravy too 😃 Sorry for the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/96 "2013-12-02T09:59:53Z")
A. Not watch it. B. Have a conversation with her about why she’s doing it. Depending on her reasons, and whether I’m able to do anything, would depend on what I do next. I wouldn’t be happy with it (in fact I’d be extremely surprised if she went that way) but I would base my reaction on her reasons. ---
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/97 "2013-12-02T12:03:41Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > In my view, it doesn’t help when one of the industry’s greatest “[success stories](http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Jenna_Jameson)” ends up (allegedly) strung out on oxy, arrested for DUI and battery, losing two homes to foreclosure, and returning to porn (for the sake of her kids) five years after quitting the business forever (for the sake of her kids). Yes, you’re right. 'Cause people in the non-porn movie business or other parts of the entertainment business would never be [arrested](http://www.cbsnews.com/news/nick-nolte-in-dui-arrest/) [for](http://edition.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/02/gibson.charged/) [DUI](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3408314)s, [have](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/28/zac-efron-rehab_n_4008587.html) [drug](http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/02/demis-downward-spiral-plagued-by-obsessions-with-weight-and-youth/) [problems](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=108999), or [file](http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/11/17/nicolas.cage.lawsuit/) [for](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/burt-reynolds-bottoms-florida-foreclosure/story?id=14324008) [bankruptcy](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2233206/Troubled-CSI-actor-Gary-Dourdan-bikes-work-filing-bankruptcy.html). :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/98 "2013-12-02T12:13:03Z")
I’d be very disappointed that she didn’t turn out to be a scientist like I’d hoped. Then I’d ask if she could get me Stoya’s number… ---
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/99 "2013-12-02T12:32:10Z")
Full disclosure - I have a son and daughter, both still very young, so it will be (hopefully) many years yet before I have to worry about this. But seriously - I am struggling to think of any scenario where I would ever disown my children. What kind of mindless, low-life cretin disowns their children merely for the act of having sex on film?? Obligatory Chris Rock reference: > [@](#): > > I mean, they don’t grade fathers. But if your daughter’s a stripper, _you fucked up._ ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132/100 "2013-12-02T13:05:11Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > I’d be very disappointed that she didn’t turn out to be a scientist like I’d hoped. > > Then I’d ask if she could get me Stoya’s number… 😃 Someone had to say it and we thank you for taking this one for the team… And like DragonAsh says, what’s with the disowning? I’m not a girl’s parent but I believe I would be worried first about whether I did something wrong; and then whether she did so _ **not** _ really on her own free will but due to matters of drugs, debt, blackmail, etc., so I would want to intervene to correct that. Not just wash my hands of her right off the bat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-if-your-daughter-did-porn/675132.md?page=6)