# What would you do? (Teenage sex question) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028 "2011-01-18T01:21:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/1 "2011-01-18T01:21:50Z")
I’m close with my nieces and nephews. They ask me things they won’t ask their parents and tell me things they won’t tell their parents. I’m legally responsible for sixteen-year old Nephew X because his father is working off-shore. It’s come to my attention through conversations with his cousins followed by me confiscating Nephew X’s cell phone that Nephew X is sexually involved with a sixteen year old female. The phone’s been destroyed out of fear of possible porn charges. I’ve searched his room and destroyed everything else that might be incriminating, but I am certain there is stuff out in cyberspace. My attorney has been informed, I’m wondering what else I need to do. One idea that has been floated by my attorney no less that since Nephew X is below the age of consent and I have a good relationship with the police is to file a compliant that Nephew X has been raped, but I don’t see the situation working out where Nephew X would actually be considered the victim. Any ideas? ---
**Author:** ![wheresmymind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@wheresmymind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheresmymind)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/2 "2011-01-18T01:39:20Z")
I’m not a lawyer and am not giving you legal advice, but I think this is the sort of thing that isn’t a problem until someone has a problem with it. Going to the police would definitely fall into that category - it seems that someone would have to be punished, either your son or the girl. Either way it’s likely to get ugly quick. I’d sit your nephew down and have a very serious talk, maybe even with the lawyer, letting him know how serious this could be. He’ll probably have a good idea of how far the pictures have spread i.e. how many of his friends he sent them to, etc. Then your lawyer will be better able to advise you. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/3 "2011-01-18T01:43:40Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > One idea that has been floated by my attorney no less that since Nephew X is below the age of consent and I have a good relationship with the police is to file a compliant that Nephew X has been raped, but I don’t see the situation working out where Nephew X would actually be considered the victim. Well, did she shake his hand? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/4 "2011-01-18T01:44:03Z")
Er, why would it even occur to you to file rape charges? Does your nephew say he’s been raped? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/5 "2011-01-18T01:47:12Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Er, why would it even occur to you to file rape charges? Does your nephew say he’s been raped? Statutory. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/6 "2011-01-18T01:52:04Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Statutory. She’s 16 too. It isn’t statutory rape if they are both under the age of consent. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/7 "2011-01-18T01:54:39Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > She’s 16 too. It isn’t statutory rape if they are both under the age of consent. [Not always.](http://youngadults.about.com/od/legalissues/a/statutoryrape.htm) > [@](#): > > And in Georgia, where a 17-year-old was sentenced to 10 years in prison for having consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old, the age of consent is 18. ETA: [story about his release.](http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/27/us/27georgia.html?_r=1&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink) ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/8 "2011-01-18T01:54:53Z")
What do you mean you “destroyed anything that might be incriminatory?” Did you take a sledgehammer to his desktop? Perhaps torch his diary? Put me in the camp that says you need to have a serious talk with your nephew, sans-lawyer, although I’m not sure how keen he is going to be on the prospect of mature adult interaction with you now that you’ve already expressed to him a clear lack of trust and respect. Has it occured to you that it is possible for 16 year olds to have safe and mature sexual relations? Kids often don’t and are very prone to make mistakes, so this, along with informing him about statutory rape, is why a heart-to-heart chat is completely necessary. Still, this situation requires kid gloves, not boxing ones. But, I am young and not a parent, so perhaps I’m way off the mark here… ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/9 "2011-01-18T01:56:59Z")
This is a joke, right? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/10 "2011-01-18T01:57:38Z")
I think there are lots and lots of 16 year olds having sex with each other. It’s not a crime in Washington State, that much I know. I’d rather kids wait until they’re 17, like I did. The times, they are a changing, I guess. I assume since you “informed” your attorney, you already have advice on what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/11 "2011-01-18T01:58:42Z")
What would _I_ do? (Hypothetically speaking. I’m closer to the kids’ age than to their parents’ age.) I would sit the nephew down and tell him you saw what was on his phone, and you are concerned. Have a long talk to him about how even if you use condoms and are very careful, there’s a chance that you can get an STD or the girl can get pregnant. Tell him that it is normal and healthy to want to have a sexual relationship at that age, but that actually doing so requires mature individuals, and there are potential consequences that he has to be responsible for. Tell him he should try and find other ways to have fun that aren’t as risky for the participants. Tell him that you want to meet the girl. He’s going to be really uncomfortable. But that’s what parents/aunts are for 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/12 "2011-01-18T02:01:27Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Still, this situation requires kid gloves, not boxing ones. Well of course. You wouldn’t want them accidentally touching hands. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/13 "2011-01-18T02:04:55Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > [Not always.](http://youngadults.about.com/od/legalissues/a/statutoryrape.htm) > > ETA: [story about his release.](http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/27/us/27georgia.html?_r=1&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink) But in that case it was a 17 year old with a 15 year old. If they’re both sixteen, how is it rape? Unless they’re both charged. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/14 "2011-01-18T02:08:00Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > But in that case it was a 17 year old with a 15 year old. If they’re both sixteen, how is it rape? Unless they’re both charged. Both under the age of consent, 18 at the time for both. Maybe not then but most age of consent laws have some form of age difference provision, usually 3 years apart or less. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/15 "2011-01-18T02:08:53Z")
I would recommend that you go back on your meds, and start seeing your therapist again. All of this obsession with other people’s sexual lives and status isn’t healthy. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/16 "2011-01-18T02:10:36Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > What do you mean you “destroyed anything that might be incriminatory?” Did you take a sledgehammer to his desktop? Perhaps torch his diary? Put me in the camp that says you need to have a serious talk with your nephew, sans-lawyer, although I’m not sure how keen he is going to be on the prospect of mature adult interaction with you now that you’ve already expressed to him a clear lack of trust and respect. > > Has it occured to you that it is possible for 16 year olds to have safe and mature sexual relations? Kids often don’t and are very prone to make mistakes, so this, along with informing him about statutory rape, is why a heart-to-heart chat is completely necessary. Still, this situation requires kid gloves, not boxing ones. > > But, I am young and not a parent, so perhaps I’m way off the mark here… It has occurred to me that is possible for 16 year olds to have safe and mature sexual relations. The problem is where we live that is still a crime (statutory rape). I have already had several talks with him. I destroyed the cell phone because I’m the person who paid for it. He agreed to the following when I gave him the phone: (1) Auntie can search through the phone when she wants and (2) Auntie may take the phone away if she thinks it is being misued and (3) if he didn’t like those rules he was free to pay the cost completely on his own for a pre-paid cell phone. The room search was conducted with Nephew X present and he always knew there was a possibility of a room search if he gave me a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/17 "2011-01-18T02:13:15Z")
Yeah, you’re definitely in the clear on taking away privileges, but I’m pretty sure statutory rape only ever gets reported if: 1. it’s child molestation 2. someone’s parents (or guardians) get upset The police aren’t just trawling people’s phone records looking for cases of teenagers having underage sex to report. It’d be an utter waste of their time. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/18 "2011-01-18T02:13:28Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > … My attorney has been informed, … Any ideas? What were your attorney’s ideas? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/19 "2011-01-18T02:14:22Z")
Are you saying that they have sent photos back and forth? Because 16-year-olds writing about sex between each other isn’t illegal. You have to provide more info than this. And falsely accusing someone of rape IS illegal. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028/20 "2011-01-18T02:15:16Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > The problem is where we live that is still a crime (statutory rape). Please cite that it is statutory rape for two sixteen-year-olds to have sex where you live. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-teenage-sex-question/568028.md?page=2)