# What would you do with a time machine? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 19, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102 "2004-10-19T20:22:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/41 "2004-10-20T13:14:44Z")
Go back to yesterday afternoon and _not_ put a shedload of cash on Man U away to Sparta Prague :smack: ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/42 "2004-10-20T14:48:08Z")
> [@START](#): > > Offended by the “see what happened to Jesus body” comment . . . As stated, **START,** that scenario rules out no possibilities. I might get to film Jesus rising from the tomb, preaching again to his disciples, and ascending to Heaven. Of course, I might have trouble holding the camera steady, what with all those purple monkeys flying out of my ass. > [@START](#): > > I would film ancient greece, I think the ancient city pompeii was the one that got buried under when a volcano went off. Yes, it was, but Pompeii was in Italy, not Greece. Destroyed in, I think, 67 A.D., during the reign of Nero. > [@START](#): > > We couldn’t change things but could we do this: Fight someone. In 3rd grade this bigger kid kicked my butt, could I pop in and beat the kid up and pop back out? 😃 Go for it! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/43 "2004-10-20T14:58:51Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Not sure that this is not against the rules, but as I stated in a different “time travel” thread, I would bring radically out of place artifacts from the present and leave them where I knew that future archeologist would dig. You know, things like plastic Star Wars action figures left in the ruins of Pompeii, or color photos snuck into documents that were hundreds of years before photography. Basically I would use it to play pranks. That’s what I was thinking. I’d put my wristwatch on a neanderthals body. Especially if knew when it would be found. Putting a list of football scores on Oetzi would be funnier if they were the scores from the week before he was found. I might also put ancient versions of modern ideas in humorous locations. An ancient chariot would be funny if there was a bumber sticker on it saying, “Honk If You Love Jove.” Maybe make a carving of a person wearing clothes that say, “I marched over the Alps, fought the Celts, conquered Gaul and all I got was this lousy toga.” ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/44 "2004-10-20T15:12:22Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Yes, it was, but Pompeii was in Italy, not Greece. Destroyed in, I think, 67 A.D., during the reign of Nero. 1. This year is the 1,925th anniversary of that event. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/45 "2004-10-20T15:30:43Z")
I’d see the Beatles play in the Star Club, the Sex Pistols play as SPOT, The Minutemen touring tiny clubs just after _Double Nickles on the Dime_, the Stooges in Detroit circa 1970, and Hendrix in London the Sunday night after _Sgt. Pepper_ came out when he performed the titular song with John and Paul in attendance. I’d be in the audience for Elvis’ “68 Comeback” special, in Kingston for the first show Bob Marley played after his assasination attempt, the Ramones show in London on July 4, 1976 which pretty much kicked off all English punk, U2 open for the J. Giles Band, and catch a double bill of Prince and the Revolution and Morris Day and the Time at First Avenue in the summer of 1983. I would see James Brown and the Famous Flames at the Apollo Theater in 1963 (and then again with the JB’s in 1969!), the Stax Records tour of Europe in 1968 with Sam and Dave and Otis Redding backed by Booker T. and the MGs, and I would be on hand the first time George Clinton and Parliment Funkadelic brought down the Mothership. ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mycroft\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_H)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/46 "2004-10-20T16:11:31Z")
Great ideas so far. First off I would need to figure out how to transfer money (or the equivalent) across the ages, and set myself up to be rich today. Visit Aztec and Inca monuments in their prime. Same with Stonehenge, Angor Wat, Egyptian Pyramids, etc. Spend some time in Ancient Rome, Athens, Alexandria and China. View the siege of Troy from a safe distance. Attend various original performances of Bach, Beethoven and Mozart. See Handel’s _Messiah_ in its opening performance in Dublin. Attend a bunch of Beatles and Fairport Convention concerts, especially the early ones. Box seats, full run, for all of Gilbert and Sullivan’s operas at the Savoy. With my interest in Sherlock Holmes and Doyle, go to Victorian/Edwardian London and buy multiple copies of the first releases of magazines (_Beeton’s Christmas Annual, Lippincott’s, Strand Magazines_) and books, get a bunch signed by Doyle, and set them in safe storage area to age. In present time, give out extras to friends. Live in 1890s London for a little while. Get a _sixth_ 1913 Liberty Head Nickel. Pick up other cool coins thorugh the ages. As long as I have my safe storage area set aside, get a Model T and other cool cars from various times to drive for fun in the present time. Oh, and buy pieces from various artists (Van Gogh, Da Vinci, Picasso, Serat, etc.) and into the storage area they go, waiting for my present-time private collection. ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/47 "2004-10-20T16:53:02Z")
Get Albrecht Durer to paint my picture. ``` Take fencing lessons from Marozzo, Saviolo, and Thibault. Of course, the first run Shakespeare plays would be a must, followed by going out on the town with all the other doper time travelers I would meet in the audience :) ``` ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/48 "2004-10-20T18:23:58Z")
> [@Mycroft H.](#): > > Live in 1890s London for a little while. There’s a **reason** why they never caught Jack the Ripper . . . ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/49 "2004-10-20T19:49:41Z")
What with all us time-travelers going to visit certain concerts, etc, might it not be that _most of the audience_ of said events was time travelers and other people from away? That could explain the ambience of the Sixties right there… as well as why tickets were hard to get! ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/50 "2004-10-20T20:08:35Z")
If I had to pick one Great Historical Performance, it would definitely be the (apocryphal?) performance of Beethoven’s 9th symphony, where he was so deaf he didn’t realize the audience was cheering. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/51 "2004-10-20T20:42:19Z")
What y’all are suggesting sound like a lot of work. I’d just sell the machine on Ebay - minimum bid $100 million. Pay Pal would _freak_. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/52 "2004-10-20T21:07:43Z")
[QUOTE=panache45] 1. Videotape the conception of Jesus, as well as the aftermath of the crucifixion. [QUOTE] Be careful. I’ve heard the romans had a tendency to gut peeping toms. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/53 "2004-10-20T21:12:47Z")
Well, the big thing on my list would be to go to the library of alexandria with a scanner and a big computer hard drive. Ah, screw it. I’ll just steall all the books mere hours before the library catches fire. With me luck, they’ll all be Danille steel novels wrriten in Egyption. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/54 "2004-10-20T22:36:02Z")
“Hey Shakespeare! I’ve got a great idea for a play. Let me tell you about it, and you can do with it what you will…it takes place a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/55 "2004-10-21T02:56:04Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Well, the big thing on my list would be to go to the library of alexandria with a scanner and a big computer hard drive. > > Ah, screw it. I’ll just steall all the books mere hours before the library catches fire. Actually, it would be more complicated than that. The Library was destroyed, partially at least, on several different occasions centuries apart. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library\_of\_Alexandria](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library_of_Alexandria) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/56 "2004-10-21T03:45:36Z")
If I were able to transport heavy moving equipment, I’d love to visit Constantinople in 1204 just before the looting began. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/57 "2004-10-21T07:04:23Z")
Knock boots with George Gordon. … and, you know, see Shakespeare and Mozart and all that artsy stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/58 "2004-10-21T09:28:50Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > I’d want to smoke a joint with Jimi Hendrix. > > And I know I’m not the only one. I’d want to smoke out of a hookah with Jimi Hendrix, and then watch him play. Or I’d want to attend a warehouse party or concert or somesuch in San Francisco during the acid wave. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/59 "2004-10-21T09:46:12Z")
Genealogy. I don’t know who my grandfather was. That and Johnsons are freaking hard to research! I’d also swipe a copy of the 1890 census. And after that I’d get a good job “finding” copies of lost films. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/60 "2004-10-21T15:44:32Z")
> [@Fern Forest](#): > > I’d also swipe a copy of the 1890 census. You can get that without a time machine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102.md?page=4)