# What would you do with a time machine? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 19, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102 "2004-10-19T20:22:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/61 "2004-10-21T16:49:26Z")
I’d simply go back to 1978 when Andrew Lloyd Webber was begging people to invest in CATS. I’d offer to put up the total amount in exchange for 10% of all the money the show and everything connected with it makes, along with 10% of all his future shows. ---
**Author:** ![borschevsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@borschevsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/borschevsky)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/62 "2004-10-21T17:43:28Z")
I would travel through time, and hate on people. 🙂 My choice would be based on what I’ll be able to convince people of when I get back. Are people going to know that I have the time machine? Will they accept my videotape of the crucifixion or the books I bring back from Alexandria? If so, I’ll pick something historically significant like that, but if not I’ll just go hang out with Einstein or Marilyn Monroe or something. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/63 "2004-10-22T17:43:48Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > For other uses, I might point interested readers to Asimov’s short story “The Dead Past”. This device is a lot more versatile than most folks realize, but I won’t spoil how. Great reference. “Happy goldfish bowl to you all. Case dismissed.” I love **Sampiro** ’s idea of getting a Bible signed by the authors. **Cervaise** once suggested it would be interesting to show Thomas Jefferson an Uzi or a Glock and then discuss the Second Amendment with him. I’d also like to tell him how successful the Founding Fathers’ ideas about governments and free society have been. I’ve always thought they must have spent their lives wondering if it would really catch on. I’d love to show a high school science book to some of the greats, just so they’d know that their ideas will indeed change the world. People like Galileo, Newton, Copernicus, Franklin, and a hundred others. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/64 "2004-10-22T17:48:55Z")
Discussing something with a guy on the train, I decided that I would definitely use a time machine to go back and see Pink Floyd perform The Wall. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/65 "2004-10-22T18:12:30Z")
I’d like to visit Pleistocene Europe, film the Neanderthals, and find out just how different they were from _Homo sapiens sapiens,_ what sort of languages they spoke, etc. (Then send my notes and videos to Jane Auel.) Visit North America at various periods to nail down just when the first humans first appeared on this continent – and to study what it was like just before that. It would take a lot of work, but I’d like to track down “Eve,” ancestor of all living humans – best guess is she lived in what is now Sudan, not more than 200,000 years ago – and get some pix of her. I’d also like to range all over the Pleistocene world – hell, **every** era and epoch of the planet’s history – collecting now-extinct plants and animals! And put them in a huge Zoological and Botanical Park of Archaic Life-Forms! It would be like _Jurassic Park_ was **nothin’!** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/66 "2004-10-22T23:04:54Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > You can get that without a time machine. Oh? Explain for I do not understand. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/67 "2004-10-23T02:02:13Z")
Obvious ones: Talk to Jesus, Einstein, Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, etc. I’d have to learn the languages first. Or maybe it would be a Hollywood style time machine that automatically makes everyone speak English but with an accent. Lost civilizations: The building of the pyramids, stonehenge, Easter Island, ancient Rome…I’d actually like to see what a day was like for the average joe in ancient Egypt or something, just from the time they woke up to when they went to bed. Lost information: The library of Alexandria, the Kennedy assassination, Amelia Erhart… Historical moments: Shakespeare plays, Beethoven/Mozart concerts, the Wright Brothers’ first flight… Morbid curiosity: The death of Princess Di (find out what really happened), the city of Pompei, the bombing of Hiroshima, a gladiator fight Other eras: The creation of the earth, the age of dinosaurs, the birth of the human species and civilization I think I’d also go back to when I was a kid and revisit some of the little special moments I remember from my childhood. Of course, I’d bring a video camera along for all of these things. What if I traveled back in time to a week ago, ran into my former self (assuming that there are no crazy paradoxes and that this doesn’t affect the present) and had sex with myself? Would that make me gay? Would it be incest? Hypothetically…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/68 "2004-10-23T06:13:58Z")
Damn…I _can’t_ alter the timeline? Crap. Well, I guess I’ll have to settle for… Theft. Stealing lots of treasure from places it’d never be missed. (Sinking Galleons, probably.) Be the first person to buy an Apple I; an Apple “Lisa”; and the first model Macintosh. Find out what really happened to the _Mary Celeste._ Sneak a hidden camera into Hitler’s bunker, so I can get video of him killing himself. Actually, I’ll probably steal his jawbone, right before the Russians grind it up. Find out who Jack the Ripper was. Watch the Apollo 11 launch. Watch a nuclear test. (Or a nuclear attack.) Go to the first run of a silent movie. Go to one of the showings of _Frankenstein_ where they’d paid a woman to scream and run out of the theater. Blackmail video (or film), on any number of celebrities, politicians, etc. (Well, either for blackmail, or to discredit or provide criminal evidence against people I don’t like. It depends on how much treasure I get from the Galleons.) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/69 "2004-10-23T21:31:32Z")
> [@Fern Forest](#): > > Oh? Explain for I do not understand. You could find a copy of the 1890 U.S. Census report at any library that has a government documents section. It’s probably the same with any country that conducted a census in 1890 – even if it’s been through several wars since then that devastated the archives in the capital, there should still be copies of its census report somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/70 "2004-10-23T21:44:34Z")
> [@Mycroft H.](#): > > Get a _sixth_ 1913 Liberty Head Nickel. Pick up other cool coins thorugh the ages. Heck with finding a sixth- what you should do is find the one that disappeared in the 1950’s! ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/71 "2004-10-23T23:59:18Z")
I’ll go along with ancient Rome & Athens, Egypt for the construction of the pyramids, same for Aztec & Inca civilization. Ditto for the Druids & Stonehenge. Can’t leave out Ancient China either. Visit with Thomas Edison, Geroge Washington Carver & Henry Ford. Pilot a riverboat with Mark Twain. Learn to play ragtime piano from the masters of the trade in the brothels. Play with Louie Armstrong, Duke Ellington & Count Basie. See the Rat Pack perform in Vegas and hang with them afterwards. Take a wagon train from St. Louis to San Francisco. Ride with Paul Revere. and the list goes on… ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mycroft\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_H)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2004, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/72 "2004-10-24T14:08:10Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > Heck with finding a sixth- what you should do is find the one that disappeared in the 1950’s! Maybe I will/already did. 😕 (Nah, if I get a time machine in the future, I already would have been visited by my future self. Drat!) **BrainGlutton** , unfortunately the majority of the 1890 US Census was lost in a fire in the Commerce Building in D.C. Thus, for avid genealogists, it would be a nice thing to get a copy of before the fire. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/73 "2004-10-25T18:26:50Z")
> [@Mycroft H.](#): > > **BrainGlutton** , unfortunately the majority of the 1890 US Census was lost in a fire in the Commerce Building in D.C. Oh. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/74 "2004-10-26T01:45:49Z")
1888 - I’d travel back to Braunau am Inn, Austria the latter part of 1888 and slip Klara Hitler an abortifacent. 1912 - I’d ensure the crew of the Californian knew the difference between a firework and a distress signal. October, 1963 - I’d send multiple anonymous letters to the FBI threatening to assassinate President Kennedy in a Dallas motorcade. I’d join the Lewis and Clarke expedition. I’d shake Abe Lincoln’s hand. I’d sneak in on Elvis Presley’s first recording session at Sun Records. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102/75 "2004-10-26T02:51:49Z")
_The History of Western Civilization_, now available on DVD! Strangely, I’d like to study first and second century Christianity, including spending some time as a Gnostic (provided I could leave for the occasional dinner date… :rolleyes: ) > [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > I’d want to smoke a joint with Jimi Hendrix. > > And I know I’m not the only one. I’d want to aspirate Jimi and get him into a rehab clinic. It’s a shame that it’s against the rules. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do-with-a-time-machine/270102.md?page=3)