# what would YOU do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 1999, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829 "1999-12-07T22:47:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/1 "1999-12-07T22:47:00Z")
So last night I started reading the short story “Dracula’s Guest” by Bram Stoker. The beginning of the tale: A traveller in Central Europe is riding in a coach across a bleak, wind-swept plateau. The horses seem nervous and sniff the air suspiciously. The coachman constantly looks at his watch. The traveler notices an intriguing, disused road that dips through a little winding valley. He urges the coachman to make a detour down that path. The coachman hesitates, crosses himself, and says “not tonight, sir. Tonight is Walpurgis nacht!” He leads the horses away, points to spot they have left, and explains through gestures and broken english that a suicide is buried at that crossroad. While he’s speaking, we hear a far-away sound between a yelp and a bark. The horses become restless. The coachman, excited, explains incoherently “That place is unholy.” When graves are opened, men and women are found, rosy with life, mouths red with blood. OK, at that point, I figure, **is that not clear enough for you**? Read the blooming signs, mate! But no. The traveller says: “You are afraid, Johann. Go home; I shall return alone; the walk will do me good. Walpurgis nacht doesn’t concern Englishmen.” Question to the teeming millions: what would **you** do, in that traveller’s situation? I personally am going to write a nasty letter to Bram Stoker, and tell him that he should slap his “hero” silly. * * * La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit. H. de Livry ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/2 "1999-12-07T22:51:00Z")
You’re going to write Bram Stoker a letter? Now _that_ is scary. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/3 "1999-12-07T23:01:00Z")
Well, Cristi, I figure if there’s one writer that is part of the living undead, Bram Stoker would be it. I’ll just address it to “B.S., Alley of Lost Souls, London”. 🙂 * * * La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit. H. de Livry ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/4 "1999-12-07T23:03:00Z")
Ah, the charm of the late 19th century British spook story! The hero NEVER does the right thing! Show him to the Haunted Chamber, he’ll plant his ass in it until the fabled family phantom comes by to rip his lungs out! Tell him to avoid the Tower, he’ll beeline up that rotting staircase, splish-splashing his brandy-and-soda all the way upstairs! Stoker, Conan Doyle, Wells, Dunsany, James, Benson…god bless 'em, every one! * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/5 "1999-12-07T23:06:00Z")
Oh! Okay! Give him my regards! BTW, that hero does indeed need to be slapped, very hard, over and over again. If it were me, I’d be like something out of Monty Python–“Run away! Run away!” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/6 "1999-12-07T23:12:00Z")
Of course you’re right - that sort of decision-making is why I enjoy roleplaying where I can control things to my satisfaction. Aren’t there a lot of horror films where attractive teenagers say things like ‘let’s spend the night in the haunted house’, or ‘no, that was just the wind’? * * * In the bathtub of history, the truth is harder to hold than the soap… (Pratchett) ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 1999, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/7 "1999-12-07T23:17:00Z")
Not to mention the “Had-I-But-Known” school of popular women’s fiction, an early example of which is THE CIRCULAR STAIRCASE by Mary Roberts Rinehart. [in a high, piping voice] “Had I but known then what I know now, all of those terrible murders would not have occurred…” ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/8 "1999-12-08T00:04:00Z")
In real life, I wouldn’t care-- I don’t believe in vampires or zombies. In a book or movie, my response would be “Walpurgis nacht? Oh, drat, left my rosary in my other clothes. Better stop and pick up another one. . . hey, who’s for going to mass. . .?” – Sylence * * * I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/9 "1999-12-08T00:10:00Z")
In the words of \*\* Thundar the Barbarian \*\*, Danger! I go. The ones that didn’t go, didn’t get into the stories. **\

Tris\** ---

**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/10 "1999-12-08T02:37:00Z")
Whenever I’m confronted with a decision like this, I always relate this anecdote: One night, I was hanging around a graveyard with a couple of Gothic-occultist types. One of them was starting to pick up some sort of evil presence on her spiritual radar. I, being me, was skeptical to say the least, and while they tried to figure out what they were dealing with, I decided to get off the cold ground and climb a nearby tree. As I climbed, I noticed an odd shimmery light off on the other side of the cemetery. It was twinkling and changing colors. I was very curious to know what it was, so I climbed back down, explained the situation, and said that I was going to have a look. “No!”, they said, “You don’t know what it could be!” But I was already gone. I got to the place where I had seen it, I saw what it was. It was the light of the 7-11 across the street reflecting off a mud puddle. That’s all. So, I would go see what it was. * * * “That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler ---
**Author:** ![Minxsmom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Minxsmom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minxsmom)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/11 "1999-12-08T03:04:00Z")
Well, let’s face it. If the traveler said “gee, that is really spooky. Let’s go back”. It would be a _really_ short and boring story. I, on the other hand, would turn tail and run like hell. If it were just the driver - no problem. But, with the horses acting funny too, well, no sense taking any chances. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/12 "1999-12-08T09:47:00Z")
So you’re saying Harker should have turned back and returned to London. I can see him explaining to his boss how he was unable to meet with the Count “because there was these really scary noises. And people were talking about ghosts.” Most people in real life would dismiss any evidence of supernatural beings because “I don’t believe in that kind of thing.” So people in horror fiction are behaving realistically. The reader or viewer has the advantage of knowing it’s a work of fiction and having seen the monster. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/13 "1999-12-08T15:45:00Z")
Arnold Says: * * * I’ll just address it to “B.S., Alley of Lost Souls, London”. * * * A bit of a nit, but that postman’s gonna make one hell of a detour since Stoker lived in York. BTW, York is a beautiful old city - when you’re there, you MUST do the Ghost Tour… scary stories aplenty, a great nightly tour of the city and a few beers afterwards - wonderful. * * * Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/14 "1999-12-08T16:00:00Z")
I, too, have a similar true anecdote. In the late '70s I was living in Baltimore. One night I was sitting in front of the vanity table in a satin slip, brushing my then-waistlength hair, when the radio announcer said that someone had escaped from a nearby mental institute. I knew JUST what to do: I put cold-cream on my face, tied my hair up and put on flannel footie pajamas. I was safe as houses. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/15 "1999-12-08T17:38:00Z")
Nemo, your post made me laught out loud! Maybe it’s because I was reading Harker’s lines with the voice of Keanu Reeves (the last Harker I can remember) in my head… “Uh, dude, there’re, like, ghosts and stuff there. No way!” * * * …but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans! ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 1999, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/16 "1999-12-08T17:46:00Z")
I think the real question here is What would Brian Boitano do? * * * Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 1999, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/17 "1999-12-09T06:52:00Z")
All kidding aside, here’s my real-life story: While going to school, had a female room-mate. When I came home one night, the cats (that usually always sat in her room) were in the living room staring at me spookily. I thought I heard footsteps in my roommate’s bedroom upstairs, which was not possible because she had gone camping. I walked upstairs, pushed open the door to her bedroom (which was open a crack), and for some reason looked behind the door. And then started screaming because someone jumped me. We struggled and the man (who happened to be wearing only shorts, no shirt? wtf??) ran away. Most scared I’ve ever been. So there! On the other hand, I agree with most posters that if some taxi driver told me “there’s vampires over there”, I would probably ignore them. But if I **knew** I was the main character in a short story called “Dracula’s Guest”, then I would hope to be smarter than that. And I am proven right, because, in case you hadn’t guessed, all does not go well for our hero, after he decides to take his little stroll. * * * Quand les talons claquent, l’esprit se vide. Maréchal Lyautey ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 1999, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/18 "1999-12-09T06:56:00Z")
I would probably be dumb enough to ask the guide if there were any good bars or parties down the untrodden path. If there were, the vampires would get me for sure. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/19 "2001-06-15T13:38:33Z")
I wanna know if you got a reply from Bram, **Arnold**. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-do/11829/20 "2001-06-16T01:46:17Z")
thinksnow, he sent me a telegram that said “Bite me.”