# What would you think if you got a letter like this? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2007, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724 "2007-04-11T23:23:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/1 "2007-04-11T23:23:48Z")
Verbatim: > [@](#): > > I was kind of surprised to see a Christmas card from you guys this year, but I guess we’re easy enough to find in the phone book. And I’m sure you’re surprised to finally get a response, almost four months later. The holidays were busy, I wasn’t sure what to say to you, and then I lost the card, yadda yadda yadda. So here I am, finally writing to you. I’m writing instead of calling because I feel kind of awkward after all these years of not being in touch. I guess I feel like I have some ‘splaining to do. So here goes: > Back in 2004, we went house-hunting and were successful within a month or so. Because our lease was up in early April and closing wasn’t until late April, we decided to move in with Hubby’s parents for the interim period. We just plain disconnected our phone instead of leaving a forwarding number because we were worried that it would get too confusing after we moved into our new place. We sent out postcards with our new address shortly after moving in. And frankly, I didn’t send you one on purpose. > I was starting to feel like I was just a dumping ground for all of your issues and drama instead of a friend. I understand needing to vent when things are crappy, but it seemed like that’s all I ever did was listen to your problems. And it seemed like you were content to complain without trying to change things or move on or make things better. I was happy with my drama-free life and wanted to keep it that way. Instead of trying to explain this to you (and therefore potentially starting more drama), I just walked away. Not the most mature thing I’ve ever done, and not an easy decision on my part, but it seemed like it was for the better (for me, at least). > So when you called and left a message at Christmas that year, I was really torn. It sat on our answering machine for a month, and I listened to it at least twice a week. I talked about getting in touch with you, and decided that I didn’t want to put myself back into the position of listening to bitching all the time. So I erased it. > This year, when I got your card, I was less surprised than the first time, especially seeing that you guys live so close to us now. So here I am, finally writing you back. I’m hoping that things are better for you in all areas of your life. It would appear as though you and James are now married. I know I said some blunt, candid things when you talked about getting married. That was because I didn’t know how to say those things in such a way that didn’t sound abrupt or insensitive. You see, I didn’t think Marie should marry Bob, but I never said anything to her. I didn’t want you to experience the same things that I saw her going through. I watched her hurt for years before she filed for divorce. Afterwards, she asked me why I hadn’t said anything sooner! I hope things are good between you two. > Anyway - A lot of things have changed in our lives over the past three years. A new house, a new dog, job changes, deaths in the family, Hubby has a 2nd degree black belt, a cruise, and – oh yeah – a baby! Our baby was born at 10:01 AM on Saturday, April 29, 2006 – exactly two years after we closed on our house. We were discharged from the hospital on my birthday – exactly two years after we moved into our house. He amazes me every day, and makes my heart feel full to bursting all the time. It doesn’t hurt that he’s The Cutest Baby Ever™, with his curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. > I stayed at home full-time for the first five months, and then got a part-time job with a family friend’s business because we needed just a little more money to make ends meet. Plus, Baby goes to work with me! So we do that three days a week. The other two days we don’t do much. I putter around the house, and we usually go to lunch with my dad. Plus I baby-sit on Wednesday afternoons for a family in our neighborhood. Well, I play referee, mostly, and keep track of whose turn it is on the computer. > Instead of rambling on in a letter, I’m just going to suggest that we sit down and talk sometime. You can call me or send me an email to set things up. My home number is blahblahblah and my email address is toosexy4u at domebaby dot com. I’m home all day on Tuesday and Wednesday, and generally home from work by 5:00. Fridays we go to Hubby’s parents’ house for dinner, so our evenings are tight. I check my email at least twice a day. Let me know what works for you. > > P.S. Sorry this is so crappy and faded – I need a new ink cartridge. Or a new printer – this thing sucks! FWIW, I’m the sender. I know the tone is odd and stilted, but I felt kind of odd sending it. I would like to be friends with this girl again, if she’s grown to be someone I can be a friend with and not just another ear to jabber at. But there’s really no way of knowing how she’s changed in the last three years without getting back in touch with her. I’m not looking for validation of what I said or anything like that. I just wondered what other people might think. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/2 "2007-04-11T23:32:53Z")
You’re the _sender_??? Jeezum crow. I think this – > [@](#): > > We sent out postcards with our new address shortly after moving in. And frankly, I didn’t send you one on purpose. I was starting to feel like I was just a dumping ground for all of your issues and drama instead of a friend. I understand needing to vent when things are crappy, but it seemed like that’s all I ever did was listen to your problems. And it seemed like you were content to complain without trying to change things or move on or make things better. I was happy with my drama-free life and wanted to keep it that way. Instead of trying to explain this to you (and therefore potentially starting more drama), I just walked away. Not the most mature thing I’ve ever done, and not an easy decision on my part, but it seemed like it was for the better (for me, at least). . . . Is a completely shitty thing to say to anyone under any circumstances. I don’t know you from a hole in the ground, but this e-mail makes you sound both self-centered and mean-spirited. It seems calculated to make sure this person never gets in touch with you again. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/3 "2007-04-11T23:37:48Z")
That Christmas card you reference? That would be the last one you’d see from me. The stuff you’ve said belongs further along in the reconciliation process. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/4 "2007-04-11T23:41:34Z")
I would think that you’re a passive-aggressive toilet. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/5 "2007-04-11T23:42:36Z")
[QUOTE=Frank] That Christmas card you reference? That would be the last one you’d see from me. The stuff you’ve said belongs further along in the reconciliation process. [/QUOTE] What he said. A letter like that would get tossed in the trash and have you promptly forgotten by me. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/6 "2007-04-11T23:44:04Z")
I would probably think “WTF, why did you bother” If you have a problem with the way someone interacts with you, you bring it up while its happening, you don’t throw it in their face a few years later. I think you should replace the first three paragraphs with “It was nice to get your card”. Normally one would apologize for not replying sooner, but you obviously aren’t sorry. If you absolutely insist that all this information needs to be shared (which its doesn’t, BTW), do it over coffee, or at least until after you hear back and have confirmation that they still actually want to have a conversation with you. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/7 "2007-04-11T23:45:04Z")
If it were me, I might throw it out, and throw your address away, partway through the third paragraph. It sounds like it’s a “no really, get the hell out of my life, what were you thinking sending me a Christmas card?” letter. The “and these are the changes in our lives” part sounds like it’s from a different letter. If you really, really must reference an awkward past, just say something vague like, “I know we’ve had our ups and downs but I appreciated the card and hope to have a fresh start with you.” Don’t drag out all the nasty details and the “you just dumped your problems on me” and “I thought your marriage was a mistake” and all of that unless you’d truly prefer to not hear from these people again. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/8 "2007-04-11T23:46:23Z")
> [@](#): > > I talked about getting in touch with you, and decided that I didn’t want to put myself back into the position of listening to bitching all the time. Yikes. If a friend said something like this to me, I would assume that she intended to hurt me, and I would have a powerful desire never to hear from her again. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/9 "2007-04-11T23:48:17Z")
My God! If you’d send something like that to a person you wanted to patch things up with, what would you send to someone you want to break things off with? -after previewing, I agree with everyone else- ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/10 "2007-04-11T23:48:31Z")
I don’t understand why you had to send this letter. Why make things so awkward by starting the renewed relationship on this foot? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/11 "2007-04-11T23:50:44Z")
Definitely thought provoking. The receipent would probably think “I’m throwing her address away!” It sure doesn’t sound like you want her to contact you. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/12 "2007-04-11T23:51:07Z")
[QUOTE=Avarie537] I’m not looking for validation of what I said or anything like that. I just wondered what other people might think. [/QUOTE] I’d be confused, and probably hurt and angry. “Geez, all I did was send Avarie a Christmas card.” It’s just a greeting. Maybe it’s the first time in three years she’s had money for cards and stamps. She’s not asking to be your friend again. Or maybe she is, in which case your response put paid to that. ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/13 "2007-04-11T23:53:34Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] You’re the _sender_??? Jeezum crow. I think this – . . . Is a completely shitty thing to say to anyone under any circumstances. I don’t know you from a hole in the ground, but this e-mail makes you sound both self-centered and mean-spirited. It seems calculated to make sure this person never gets in touch with you again. [/QUOTE] Jodi, I want to join your fanclub. That had to be one of the nastiest letters I’ve ever read. I was just about to tell you what a horrible person I thought the emailer was and by golly, it’s you! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Doctor\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Who)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2007, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/14 "2007-04-11T23:58:52Z")
Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/15 "2007-04-12T00:11:54Z")
Hm. I can understand the sentiment, as I’ve been on the same end of a similarly one-way “friendship,” with me being the unloadee. With this person, however, you could never ever ever say anything to intimate that there was anything wrong with their behavior, life choices, etc. So I haven’t . . . Eventually I just reached the point where I didn’t want to deal with this person anymore, and just quietly backed off. And I’ve noticed that in the considerable time that I’ve ceased initiating one-on-one contact – just a few “all our friends” party invitations, because stopping those would definitely be noticed – there has been \ ONE contact from them saying “Let’s get together.” So we did, and it was friendly, but brief. So my hunch was true that it was “my job” to arrange get-togethers, ask “how ya doing,” start chatty e-mail exchanges, etc. And it’s not shyness – this person is never at a loss for words. Perhaps better to be vague and say something like (on preview) what **Ferret Herder** said. If you already sent it, though, you probably won’t have to worry about this person unloading on you anymore, yeah. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/16 "2007-04-12T00:43:19Z")
“That’s $0.41 I’ll be saving this December.” Wow. What are you hoping to accomplish with that? I do think, however, there are a few salvagable sentences - for example, > [@](#): > > I’m sure you’re surprised > [@](#): > > I’m just going to suggest that we sit down and talk sometime. You can call me or send me an email to set things up. My home number is blahblahblah and my email address is toosexy4u at domebaby dot com. and > [@](#): > > I check my email at least twice a day. Let me know what works for you. Seem like nice things to put into a letter when you are trying to reconnect with someone. The rest will not go over well. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/17 "2007-04-12T00:45:52Z")
I’d assume that you really and truly didn’t like me and I’d never contact you again, and I’d feel like an idiot for having thought it was a good idea to send you a card in the first place. To me it reads like this: “you were a sucky friend and I finally got rid of you. Oh, you’re back? Well let me gloat about the awesome things in my life, to balance out having to hear you talk about your hard times. Oh, if you’ve risen up to my standards you may contact me and I will audition you for friendship worthiness again.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/18 "2007-04-12T00:48:18Z")
\ That old friend of mind who I haven’t talked to in a couple of years? I guess I should just let that go. ---
**Author:** ![Caridwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Caridwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caridwen)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/19 "2007-04-12T00:56:22Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] I’d assume that you really and truly didn’t like me and I’d never contact you again, and I’d feel like an idiot for having thought it was a good idea to send you a card in the first place. To me it reads like this: “you were a sucky friend and I finally got rid of you. Oh, you’re back? Well let me gloat about the awesome things in my life, to balance out having to hear you talk about your hard times. Oh, if you’ve risen up to my standards you may contact me and I will audition you for friendship worthiness again.” [/QUOTE] Yup, that’s pretty much it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/20 "2007-04-12T00:56:35Z")
I would probably want my X-mas card back. It seems like a very mean letter. FWIW - I’ve dumped friends before. If one of them contacted me out of the blue and I wanted to contact them, I think I would just give them a call. I certainly wouldn’t send them a nasty letter designed to make them feel bad. After three years you really should have gotten over it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724.md?page=2)