# What would you think if you got a letter like this? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2007, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724 "2007-04-11T23:23:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/21 "2007-04-12T01:00:49Z")
**Avarie** , I think you were just trying to be honest about the break in the relationship, so I’m not going to say shitty things. But perhaps it would be best to just let the whole thing go. As we say in my little fellowship, it’s nobody else’s business what I think of them, so I should keep my mouth shut. If you know that the friendship wasn’t healthy for you, don’t try and rekindle it. Just move on (again). ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/22 "2007-04-12T01:00:50Z")
You sent that? Why? Even if it was true and you are thinking of reestablishing contact, you don’t actually say those things. What good will it do? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/23 "2007-04-12T01:04:44Z")
\*\*What would you think if you got a letter like this? \*\* I would wonder what these two paragraphs - > [@](#): > > And frankly, I didn’t send you one on purpose. > I was starting to feel like I was just a dumping ground for all of your issues and drama instead of a friend. I understand needing to vent when things are crappy, but it seemed like that’s all I ever did was listen to your problems. And it seemed like you were content to complain without trying to change things or move on or make things better. I was happy with my drama-free life and wanted to keep it that way. Instead of trying to explain this to you (and therefore potentially starting more drama), I just walked away. > [@](#): > > Instead of rambling on in a letter, I’m just going to suggest that we sit down and talk sometime. were doing in the same letter. Do you want contact with this person, or don’t you? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/24 "2007-04-12T01:09:24Z")
I’d be either hurt or inclined to laugh in the person’s face, depending on whether I had any respect for them or not. I _wouldn’t_ want to rekindle the friendship, ever. Some things just plain shouldn’t be said, even if they’re true. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/25 "2007-04-12T01:13:23Z")
That the kind of letter you write, then lock in a drawer. A few days later you open the drawer, throw the letter out, and now that you’ve got all the bad blood out of your system, you start a new one that actually sounds friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/26 "2007-04-12T01:21:16Z")
… Well, personally, I wouldn’t be hurt or offended by it. But then, I’d be more likely to write something like that than read it. I have no absolutely no people skills. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/27 "2007-04-12T01:22:00Z")
You’d get one more voice mail from me encouraging you to felch a ferret. ---
**Author:** ![Layla01](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/layla01/32/15552_2.png) [@Layla01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Layla01)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/28 "2007-04-12T01:33:35Z")
Wow. You already sent that? I think I would have asked for advice _before_ I sent it if I were you. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/29 "2007-04-12T01:49:56Z")
I think the damage is done by now, but my two maple leaves: that kind of thing needs to be said face to face. Putting it in a letter is going to make things worse, not better. ---
**Author:** ![RedRosesForMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RedRosesForMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedRosesForMe)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/30 "2007-04-12T01:53:21Z")
Hmmm. I don’t think you meant to hurt this woman, but some of what you said could be really hurtfull. I’ve had a friendship like this in the past, and had to walk away, but I would be interested in being friends again if she’d stopped using drugs and dating the wrong men, and whining about why her life sucked. If this woman has changed a lot over the past 3 years, and realized she was a crappy friend, she might read what you’ve written and nod in agreement. If she hasn’t, she might just get really upset about what you’ve said. Hell, even if she has changed she still might be hurt. I would have saved the bit about why you stopped talking to her until after sitting down for coffee and rekindling the friendship. Even then, I might not have gone into as much detail unless I was sure we were BFF again. I’m not going to tell you to felch a ferret or anything, I’ve felt exactly the same as you before. I just think if someone sent me a letter like that it would probably upset me, even if I agreed with what it said. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/31 "2007-04-12T01:55:19Z")
“What would you think if you got a letter like this?” That I wouldn’t piss on your grave in a grass fire! What an arrogant, assinine, self centered load of crap. ---
**Author:** ![threnodyangelfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@threnodyangelfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threnodyangelfire)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/32 "2007-04-12T02:39:40Z")
[QUOTE=Swallowed My Cellphone] That the kind of letter you write, then lock in a drawer. A few days later you open the drawer, throw the letter out, and now that you’ve got all the bad blood out of your system, you start a new one that actually sounds friendly. [/QUOTE] I totally agree with you SMC. If someone really really bugs me and I feel I need to let them knowi will rip off a letter stating my feelings and save it on my hard drive. If in a couple of days I am still justifiably hurt/angry, I might send it or reword and send it, but surprisingly once I’ve got the emotion out of me, mostly I don’t feel the need. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything with these missives but delete them 🙂 Oh. Once I meant to send a complaint about my then boyfriend to one of my girl friends, but accidentally sent it to him instead. THAT was fun. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Machine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Ice\_Machine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Machine)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/33 "2007-04-12T02:40:21Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] I’d assume that you really and truly didn’t like me and I’d never contact you again, and I’d feel like an idiot for having thought it was a good idea to send you a card in the first place. To me it reads like this: “you were a sucky friend and I finally got rid of you. Oh, you’re back? Well let me gloat about the awesome things in my life, to balance out having to hear you talk about your hard times. Oh, if you’ve risen up to my standards you may contact me and I will audition you for friendship worthiness again.” [/QUOTE] It seems the opinions here are pretty unanimous and I don’t need to add to it but the above is exactly what I was thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/34 "2007-04-12T03:28:06Z")
[QUOTE=Rysdad] You’d get one more voice mail from me encouraging you to felch a ferret. [/QUOTE] Hey! I don’t think they’d like that. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/35 "2007-04-12T03:34:14Z")
> [@](#): > > **Avarie** : It would appear as though you and James are now married. I know I said some blunt, candid things when you talked about getting married. That was because I didn’t know how to say those things in such a way that didn’t sound abrupt or insensitive. You see, I didn’t think Marie should marry Bob, but I never said anything to her. I didn’t want you to experience the same things that I saw her going through. I watched her hurt for years before she filed for divorce. Afterwards, she asked me why I hadn’t said anything sooner! I hope things are good between you two. At this point I would remember what a grating busybody you were and recall how you always thought you knew what was best for everyone else and used that as an excuse for contributing your advice where it hadn’t been asked for and wasn’t desired, appreciated or needed. And why are you going into so much detail and explanation? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/36 "2007-04-12T03:34:22Z")
[QUOTE=Avarie537] I would like to be friends with this girl again… [/QUOTE] Erm.. Really? That’s how you address people you’re trying to cultivate a shaky relationship with? Seriously, the whole thing reads “You suck, why are you talking to me? Christ you’re annoying, I still disapprove of your relationship and think it’s doomed, but good luck with that. _My_ family life is actually pretty good. Let’s have lunch!” Oh, yeah, _let’s!_ :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/37 "2007-04-12T03:41:40Z")
> [@](#): > > **Avarie** : It would appear as though you and James are now married. I know I said some blunt, candid things when you talked about getting married. That was because I didn’t know how to say those things in such a way that didn’t sound abrupt or insensitive. You see, I didn’t think Marie should marry Bob, but I never said anything to her. I didn’t want you to experience the same things that I saw her going through. I watched her hurt for years before she filed for divorce. Afterwards, she asked me why I hadn’t said anything sooner! I hope things are good between you two. At this point I would remember what a grating busybody you were and recall how you always thought you knew what was best for everyone else and used that as an excuse for contributing your advice where it hadn’t been asked for and wasn’t desired, appreciated or needed. And why are you going into so much detail and explanation? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/38 "2007-04-12T03:45:11Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] Seriously, the whole thing reads “You suck, why are you talking to me? Christ you’re annoying, I still disapprove of your relationship and think it’s doomed, but good luck with that. _My_ family life is actually pretty good. Let’s have lunch!” [/QUOTE] This is _EXACTLY_ what I was trying to say! I have to ask, what was the real point of this letter? Did you want to tell this woman to piss off and drop dead, but you were a little shy about it so you couched it in a back-handed lunch invite? I’m sort of curious now. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/39 "2007-04-12T03:52:07Z")
What I might think if I got a letter like that: 1. you never liked me much 2. you want me to know that ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724/40 "2007-04-12T04:10:13Z")
Only a sadistic scoundrel – or a fool – tells the bald truth on social occasions. -LL- [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-think-if-you-got-a-letter-like-this/399724.md?page=3)