# What would you wear to the Oscars(TM)? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 25, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020 "2002-03-25T16:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/21 "2002-03-26T21:04:34Z")
I’d wear my sneakers, jeans, and a T-shirt that reads “Designated Oscar Slob”. 😉 But my wife would probably make me take it off and put on a tux… ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/22 "2002-03-26T21:35:19Z")
I’d be naked, except for a stratigically placed sock, and wearing body paint that read “Straight Dope Message Board Rulez!” across my chest. And a hat, since i always wear a hat. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/23 "2002-03-27T05:29:54Z")
I’d either wear my San Jose Sharks jersey that has my name on the back or I would skip the event entirely to watch hockey on TV like George C. Scott did. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/24 "2002-03-27T06:06:49Z")
I’d go the slob route also but the aussie way - blue singlet, footy shorts and thongs, stubbie in one hand and a cooler for the rest of my beer in the other. And people thought Russell Crowe was scrufy 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/25 "2002-03-27T06:08:15Z")
ooops - Forgot the obligatory white terry toweling hat 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/26 "2002-03-27T07:05:53Z")
Cool question! I’d wear an off-the-rack green or blue long dress, Empire style (high-waisted, short sleeves), made of non-shiny, non-chiffony fabric, without sequins, beads, ribbons, etc. I’d get it at Sears, Roebuck or J.C. Penney, and I would not pay more than $200. Shoes: black patent leather 2" heeled pumps. Jewelry: stud solitaire earrings and a stainless steel wristwatch. Hair: ponytail, no hair ornaments. No makeup, except that my mother would probably insist and I’d probably give in. I’d also make sure my purse was at least big enough to accomodate a small flask of bourbon. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/27 "2002-03-27T10:50:35Z")
**leechbabe** , your Aussie-slob chic ensemble has some merit. However, you overlook the one essential accessory without which a proper ocker should never leave home: the stubbie-holder. Current Aussie _haute couture_ demands that this item be manufactured from wetsuit material, but please let your imagination run wild when deciding upon on appropriate logo to adorn your stubbie-holder. (My Academy Awards suggestion: an group of golden men resembling Oscar, some holding beers, some dancing and some passed out, all against a stark black background. Elegant, yet relevant, I’m sure you’ll agree.) For a daring red carpet appearance, tear the bottom out of the stubbie-holder and pull it over your hand. Wear it on your wrist, a foil to the tacky gold bracelets and watches which other Oscar attendees will surely wear. Brush off their compliments on your _savoir faire_; pretend not to see the envious glares of jealousy. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/28 "2002-03-27T11:29:55Z")
Probably what I wore yesterday - my black t-shirt I got at The Celtic Store with the woodcutting of people dancing with a devil, my black jeans, my black Doc Martens, and my black leather 3/4 length hooded coat. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/29 "2002-03-27T15:25:30Z")
Why, the same thing I wear to every formal occasion (and I manage to find one or two each year…) : Kilt. Clan Keith (modern) tartan. Maybe the ancient colors if I feel like being more colorful. Black belt with knotwork buckle. Grey fur sporran with silver hardware. Prince Charlie Jacket and Waistcoat. Gotta love that Scottish elegance. White tuxedo shirt, with wing collar and French cuffs. Silver knotwork cufflinks. Cream colored kilt socks. Green flashes at top of socks. Ghillie Brogue shoes, the only appropriate formal footwear with the kilt. Black sgian dhu with amber stone pommel and rampant lion emblem on handle. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/30 "2002-03-27T16:44:08Z")
**Crunchy Frog** - Best. Jacket. Ever. I love it!! You guys are cracking me up. Personally, I’d be wearing a ballgown, red and shiny material that looks different colours in the light, fitted bodice with the great big traditional skirt - because of course, being at the Oscars means that I would be Catherine Zeta Jones or her look alike, and she can wear that outfit like no one else. Hair half up, half down - no big hair! - and minimal jewelry - maybe dangly diamond earrings and tasteful matching necklace. > [@](#): > > I’d wear a black tux with tails! It HAS to have tails, cause they’re cool! I’d also have a tophat, cane, and monocol. Funny, **Bouv** , that’s exactly the outfit Mr Cazzle wanted to wear to our wedding. He missed out on the top hat, etc, but he got the tux with tails. People kept asking him where he’d left his piano 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/31 "2002-03-27T22:54:25Z")
doh - how could I forget the stubby holder, **Narrad** your red carpet suggestions are taken on board. I however would try to get a stubby holder that represents my fav. footy teams (I support both codes) so the Brisbane Lions on one side and Bronco’s on the other. the only question now is how do I tastefully incorporate a cane toad into my ensemble?? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/32 "2002-03-28T02:35:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Creaky \* > \*\*Cool question! I’d wear an off-the-rack green or blue long dress, Empire style (high-waisted, short sleeves), \*\* Um, no, Empire style just means a high waste that ends below the bust. [www.sensibility.com](http://www.sensibility.com) Also referred to as Regency style. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/33 "2002-03-28T03:12:17Z")
I’d pull up on my motorbike (CBR929) toss my helmet to the valet, stroll up the carpet in casual pants and a nice shirt with my leather jacket (it’s a nice jacket but hollywood seems to be anal about killing anything except classics). All of it matches and It’d look nice, I’m just not big on tuxes …I imagine Joan Rivers walking up to me saying how daring I was…then she’d ask me what I was wearing… …I’d say,“Clothes Bitch” oh, sorry about the swearing, I know this isn’t the pit but it’s what I’d say. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/34 "2002-03-28T03:19:06Z")
I’d pull up on my motorbike (CBR929) toss my helmet to the valet, stroll up the carpet in casual pants and a nice shirt with my leather jacket (it’s a nice jacket but hollywood seems to be anal about killing anything except classics). All of it matches and It’d look nice, I’m just not big on tuxes …I imagine Joan Rivers walking up to me saying how daring I was…then she’d ask me what I was wearing… …I’d say,“Clothes Bitch” oh, sorry about the swearing, I know this isn’t the pit but it’s what I’d say. ---
**Author:** ![im\_a\_loser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/898d66/32.png) [@im\_a\_loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/im_a_loser)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/35 "2002-03-28T03:35:33Z")
i’d wear my hair in braids. and nothing else. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/36 "2002-03-28T03:55:25Z")
**Guinastasia** , I checked out your friend’s website, the one who makes the dresses. She’s great! I totally love stuff like that. So yeah, Empire style like she makes! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/37 "2002-03-28T04:09:57Z")
No problem! She’s really great. I’m going to make a graphic of what my gown would look like…I’ll let yinz know, then. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/38 "2002-03-28T04:12:39Z")
Probably a kilt. Dunno WHAT I’d do with my hair, though… ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/39 "2002-03-28T06:40:56Z")
I would wear a snazzy tuxedo topped off with fire opal studs and cuff links. I love the gowns that the women wear, but I would probably trip over the damn thing and I’m sure I’d lose my exquisite little handbag. With the tux, I have pockets. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020/40 "2002-03-28T08:22:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by leechbabe \* > \*\*the only question now is how do I tastefully incorporate a cane toad into my ensemble?? \*\* Simple! Squish one flat (I suggest wearing a nice pair of Blunstones for the job); dry the bugger out; and cut into strips. Use these to fashion a nice pair of strappy sandals. You’ll be fabulous, daahling! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-you-wear-to-the-oscars-tm/100020.md?page=3)