# What would your cat do for a living? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 24, 2016, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947 "2016-02-24T04:12:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![slightly\_askew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@slightly\_askew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slightly_askew)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/21 "2016-02-24T16:38:59Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > JayZ - would be an investigative news reporter - always checking out what’s going on, and reporting what happened, Maybe he could be a correspondent here. [Breaking Cat News](http://www.breakingcatnews.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/22 "2016-02-24T16:45:01Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Maddie would be a jewel thief. She’s stolen a couple of my earrings and I still don’t know where she’s hid them. Obviously, she’s fenced them. Is her lifestyle showing signs of unexplained income–fresh trout for dinner instead of canned glop, sleeping on designer pillows, that sort of thing? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/23 "2016-02-24T16:47:20Z")
Ziva would be a woman of leisure, counting on the kindness of others to ensure she was fed and always had a quiet, comfy place to recline and watch the world go by. Taz, on the other hand, would be a rather hapless spy. He’s always checking things out, poking around seeing what’s going on, but subtlety isn’t one of his strong suits. Almost a feline Maxwell Smart. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/24 "2016-02-24T18:10:55Z")
Our only girl cat is the Queen of the World. She would, therefore, wind up as senior management somewhere. Our older boy cat is beautiful and deeply neurotic and terrified of Strangers\*, clearly he’s Greta Garbo. Our younger boy cat is quite probably unemployable. He’s. . . let’s call him “challenged”, shall we? Cute, so cute - and fluffy! But. . . challenged. This is the cat who took several _years_ to learn to _poop_ correctly. You don’t know what entertainment is until you’re trying to corner a cat who is tearing madly around the house in mortal fear of his own ass because he has tried to poop and now _his poop is chasing him_. CHASING HIM! :eek: \*Strangers being defined as “any person he isn’t relatively certain will give him some combination of loves and delicious, delicious snacks”. Also includes as Strangers sounds such as the doorbell and household appliances such as the vacuum. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/25 "2016-02-24T20:13:13Z")
Charlie would be the dad from _Calvin and Hobbes_. Some sort of 9-5 job that supports the family and pays the bills. On the evenings and weekends, he’d go off on the occasional adventure and be amazingly patient with the kids. Linus would suffer from a range of social anxieties and would be constantly getting suckered by work from home scams and MLM schemes. Fortunately, he doesn’t mind living in someone else’s basement. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/26 "2016-02-24T20:20:28Z")
The same thing she does now, probably. Find a man to support her and coast on her good looks. ---
**Author:** ![nofloyd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nofloyd/32/2870_2.png) [@nofloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nofloyd)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/27 "2016-02-24T20:39:23Z")
Cat1 would be an athlete - lean, athletic, on the move Cat2 would be a tin foil hat conspiracy theorist - he already suspects us of being aliens that will do something hideous to him if he turns his back - job? hack writer Cat3 beach bum, Jimmy Buffet style. give him some space to lay out and take the rays ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/28 "2016-02-24T21:22:15Z")
My cat would hold a string of minimum wage-jobs for short periods before calling out too many times, getting fired, and moving on to the next one. He would have a prescription for anxiety medication that he couldn’t afford most of the time and would become co-dependent with someone else. He would be a complete doormat to them. ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/29 "2016-02-24T23:05:19Z")
Gravity tester. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/30 "2016-02-25T00:19:31Z")
My cat wouldn’t work, he’d be on Welfare. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/31 "2016-02-25T00:28:13Z")
Hailey would have been a nurse. She was _very good_ at making sure my mother took her medications on time. Toby would have been a middle-manager or something. Possibly of a taxi company. He was very good at reading a clock. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/32 "2016-02-25T01:30:07Z")
Jack would have been a garbage man, the one who drives the truck, not the one who hops out to empty the cans. He’s content to sit and watch everyone else do whatever needs to be done. Sam would have been a pastor, or a Scout leader (maybe both). He’s always the mediator with the others. Kate would have been a preschool teacher. She loves nothing more than to be surrounded by kids. Loves them. Pip would have been your chubby friend who always got you into trouble, but not illegal trouble–just the stuff that would get you scolded. You’d still be friends with him, regardless of how pissed you were, because…well, he’s Pip. ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/33 "2016-02-25T02:59:04Z")
Have all you guys forgotten Rule Number 1? Where are the photos? ---
**Author:** ![mage-girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@mage-girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mage-girl)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/34 "2016-02-25T03:50:18Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > JayZ - would be an investigative news reporter - always checking out what’s going on, and reporting what happened, This sounds like what my Nemo would be excellent at, as a human! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/35 "2016-02-25T05:03:43Z")
> [@Magicicada](#): > > Ya’ll answered quickly enough to make me think you’d thought this over before… Not exactly. But I have identified my cats’ personality quirks in some of the humans I know. It made the task a quick one. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/36 "2016-02-25T05:42:26Z")
Girl cat-local TV anchor. She’s not smart enough to actually do any investigating but she is excellent at looking pretty while telling you everything that’s going on. Boy cat-Definitely that weird brilliant scientist that hides away from society and is either inventing something brilliant or building pipe bombs in his basement. (I actually caught him walking around with a screw in his mouth once. I’m not sure what he unscrewed but I’m just waiting for something to fall apart). ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/37 "2016-02-25T05:44:12Z")
[Prior thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=468170&highlight=poodle+soccer). ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/38 "2016-02-25T12:52:20Z")
> [@jasg](#): > > Gravity tester. Mine too, from the Pens and Small Breakable Items Department. [Picture.](http://www.rci.rutgers.edu/~lreed/mikko.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/39 "2016-02-25T13:39:01Z")
My old cat Hector would be the finest psychotic assassin for the New World Order. Heck, I even made comics about it: [http://stripgenerator.com/booklet/79/nwo-classic-hits/page/2/](http://stripgenerator.com/booklet/79/nwo-classic-hits/page/2/) ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2016, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947/40 "2016-02-25T14:12:12Z")
Mattress tester. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-cat-do-for-a-living/746947.md?page=3)