# What would your Honest personal ad say? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 8, 2002, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491 "2002-09-08T01:27:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/121 "2002-09-14T09:44:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bristlesage \* > \*\*\ > \*[sub]I plan on buying a duplex. I will live on one side, the man of the hour on the other. I expect the average “hour” to last between 3 and 7 years, but I am flexible on this point. The beauty of the Duplex Plan (patent pending) is that we get to spend time apart, but can always just bang on the wall if we’d like the other’s company. If you do not like the Duplex Plan, please see another ad.[/sub] \*\* **bristlesage** , e-mail me. I’ve got a buddy who’d be very much interested in your Duplex Plan! I told him he’d **never** find a woman interested in such a thing, and obviously I was wrong! (I’m **dead** serious about this!) The guy looks like Stephen King without a beard or buck teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/122 "2002-09-14T10:32:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stephi \* > \*\*Female. 28. Petite. Not fat, but not thin either. Vegetarian. Non-smoker. Long reddish-blonde hair. Four-eyed. Fit, but not athletic. Animal lover. Not an animal lover in that way you pervert! Has a dog and cat, living together, mass hysteria! > > Has self esteem problems. Best picture of me is the one with the bag over my head.[Insert wonderfully blurry pic here.](http://home.achilles.net/~sdonovan/images/steph45.jpg) > > Likes doing a lot of Martha Stewart-y things, like “Make Your Own Flour”, “Genetically Engineer Your Own Glow in the Dark Chickens”, and “Build Your Own Home in 9289 Easy Steps”, things like that. > > Crazy. Doesn’t take any drugs, but some people say she should. \*\* Okay, I haven’t been feeling well for the past couple of days and I’ve avoided this thread since it would take more brain power than I was willing devote to things other than trying not to hack my lungs out to respond to anything, but great googlymoogly woman, yer a babe and no one’s flirted with you? What a crime. :mad: Dang, woman! E-mail me! The fact that a lovely and intelligent woman such as yourself is (apparently) unattached bothers me to no end! If I ain’t the right guy for ya, I’ll try to hook you up with someone who is! (Really wish I had the ability to edit my posts as I’d change my OP to one that was more accurate.) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/123 "2002-09-14T11:23:44Z")
“Stephi is hot. Film at 11.” ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/124 "2002-09-14T11:33:13Z")
Twentysomething London lounge lizard. Expensive taste in pretentious T-shirts and obscure dance music. Can pass for a Mediterranean Milhouse when unshaven. Genitalia by GI Joe, body by Picasso, wit by Hallmark. Will trade sex for liver. ---
**Author:** ![Lala\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a9adbd/32.png) [@Lala\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lala_S)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/125 "2002-09-14T13:54:43Z")
1. Natural redhead. Have lately been finding nickels on sidewalks everywhere I go. Close relationships with old boyfriends - if you can’t handle that, get lost. No tv. Bookworm. Reclusive to the point of being called a “shut-in”. Bite me. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/126 "2002-09-14T14:40:26Z")
Mildly attractive, large breasted bi MWF seeks exotic looking dorks who like video games, jokes, and dancing in underwear. Must be willing to paw at my boobs, a lot. Also seeking housewives who are impatient, lazy, somewhat amusing and prone to fits of irrational anger when they aren’t spending too much time online. Must like massages while reading a book. May also be open to other possibilities as well. All interested parties are encouraged to email me with likes, dislikes and expectations. Must have a pic, preferably nekkid. [sub]I’d link to my real one but it contains a bit TMI so I’d have to face the wrath of Unclebeer and Coldfire, who will make me cry and give me puffy eyes. At my age, I gotta start worrying about wrinkles.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/127 "2002-09-14T19:29:44Z")
Stccrd, I was wondering the same thing awhile ago, and started a thread. Maybe this will help clue you in to a few. I know that not all teen dopers replied to this thing, but some did. To add to that list, I happen to know that J.J. Snider also is a teen, but wasn’t around when I started this particular thread. [http://64.4.20.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?\_lang=EN&lah=9235e03da0a576ede8456a3755760db4&lat=1032030356&hm\_\_\_action=http%3A%2F%2Fboards.straightdope.com%2Fsdmb%2Fshowthread.php%3Fthreadid%3D127089%26goto%3Dnewpost](http://64.4.20.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=9235e03da0a576ede8456a3755760db4&lat=1032030356&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fboards%2estraightdope%2ecom%2fsdmb%2fshowthread%2ephp%3fthreadid%3d127089%26goto%3dnewpost) ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/128 "2002-09-14T21:32:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tiburon \* > \*\*Wait, I’m a goof. I’m not SWF…I’m single half asian and don’t care if the person about the race of the person I’m with. I typed that instinctively because it was personal ad lingo. > > Ummm,…yeah, that dork thing again. > \*\* Better than me. I just realized _a week later_, that I wrote “seeking SWM”. Now _there’s_ a Freudian slip for you! I’m really seeking a woman, honest! Hello, ladies! How y’all doing? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HoodWink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8797f3/32.png) [@HoodWink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoodWink)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/129 "2002-09-15T00:42:15Z")
MBF 39 and stocky. Husband says I am a blonde bombshell, slightly exploded. Gave him the obligiatory nasty look. Wrinkles don’t show so much if you fill them out as you age. I tweez my chin hairs while watching Drew Carey and have a penchant for popping pimples, ingrown hairs etc… (other peoples… I curse my lack) Naturally blonde and pretty. If I don’t wear makeup I am hair and green eyes. Seeking: not sure what but I will know when I find it… ---
**Author:** ![Costermonger\_means\_barrow\_boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Costermonger\_means\_barrow\_boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Costermonger_means_barrow_boy)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/130 "2002-09-15T01:27:06Z")
“Honest person above all, who hates liars. Also hates smokers, children and pets. (There is something very cynical in my nature. That is one of my more appealing qualities.)” ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/131 "2002-09-15T05:01:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tequila Mockingbird \* > Mildly attractive … bi MWF “Tequila Mockingbird is hot. Film at 11.” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/132 "2002-09-16T07:30:00Z")
Hey! I thought of a cool name for the site! [www.porkadork.com](http://www.porkadork.com) Whatcha think? The url seems to be available! ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/133 "2002-09-23T13:51:11Z")
Tucker, I’ve been away from the SD for a few days (real life interference), but I’m back now, and whoa, this thread got way more interesting than I thought it’d be. It looks as if we’ve made a few matches already, so this should be a _zooming_ ! 😉 What about [www.loveadork.com](http://www.loveadork.com) instead? Or [www.honestgeeks.com](http://www.honestgeeks.com)? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/134 "2002-09-23T14:38:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\* > > “Tequila Mockingbird is hot. Film at 11.” \*\* Yeah. When I saw her describe herself as merely “mildly attractive”, I nearly choked on my tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/135 "2002-09-23T15:47:28Z")
MWF - 26 - Reasonably attractive, currently pregnant so weight is fluctuating. Incurable flirt, so insecure me need not apply. 5’9", like a guy who is taller than me, at least by a little. When not preggers, pretty slim. Pierced belly button. Have been told I have the “pregnant glow”, isn’t that just another way to say fatter than usual? 🙂 Enjoys reading, movies, acting, horsebackriding, writing, extreme dislike for all things mathematical. Impulsive. Usually pretty calm and collected looking, inside whole huricane of emotions (except once a month, when they all come out to play 🙂 ). Sarcastic, biting sense of humor. Love to travel. Absurdly flattering pic here - [http://www.geocities.com/sdpeoplepages/poysyn.html](http://www.geocities.com/sdpeoplepages/poysyn.html) Loves animals, so much so as willing to risk life and limb to rescue strays. Seeking (no one at the moment, but to play along) - SM, race and ethnicity not important, at least 5’10", I LOVE accents of pretty much any kind, must love animals and children, reasonably fit (I’m not perfect and don’t expect you to be), attractive, willing to give and receive compliments. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/136 "2002-09-23T16:44:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crusoe \* > **Twentysomething London lounge lizard…** “Lounge Lizard”?! Anyway. If I were single I’d be very interested in Tiburon, out of the people who have posted so far. Me? Not seeking at the moment, but if I were, this would do: Tall fat asshole, 27, female. Likes poncy 20th century fiction, Punjabi food, philosophy of science, lots of music including the more or less obscure, football, cooking, painting, swearing. Can be joyously and outrageously silly at times. Enjoys dressing up and makeup. Sexually dominant. Seeks M or F 24-40, must have passions and enthusiasms, must be prepared to negotiate emotional transactions in an adult manner, do the washing up and take it up the arse. ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/137 "2002-09-23T18:26:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aenea \* > \*\*Tucker, > > I’ve been away from the SD for a few days (real life interference), but I’m back now, and whoa, this thread got way more interesting than I thought it’d be. > > It looks as if we’ve made a few matches already, so this should be a _zooming_ ! 😉 What about [www.loveadork.com](http://www.loveadork.com) instead? > Or [www.honestgeeks.com](http://www.honestgeeks.com)? > 😃 \*\* I’d like to point out that **aenea** is not kidding around here. I know of one, personally (and it’s not obvious from the thread, either), and am curious as to how many others there are, if any. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/138 "2002-09-23T21:37:59Z")
I wouldn’t write an ad, since I don’t want to lie, and if I was really honest, no one would answer. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/139 "2002-09-23T21:42:51Z")
:eek: I think someone’s flirting with me! You devil, **Tequila Mockingbird.** However, it’s always best to flirt with one girl at a time. 😉 Unfortunately, it’s something I’ve learned the hard way. (But I swear, you should have seen them!) Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![SexyGayGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/779978/32.png) [@SexyGayGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SexyGayGirl)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2002, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491/140 "2002-11-20T22:30:18Z")
This is an ad I actually placed. Still waiting for someone to reply. My headline went something like this. Lazy, Obnoxious, Priviliged, Unattractive (although, I’m not, I have the photo up to prove it to them) female ISO of the same. Willing to pay good money if I have to! Alright, my honest personal ad… How many women are actually going to read this, so I might as well be forthright. So I’m 26, and fairly superficial. The exterior of a woman is the first thing that receives my attention, so your intelligence will become relevant after a few dates, and then after the first one, you might not even want to see me again, but that’s alright, because I’m starting to like rejection. The other thing, I really would love to get a lap dance, and will pay for it. Besides being superficial, I would prefer not to work, the only reason I’m working and studying is so that I can stay in the country. Yes, I’m a foreigner, with a charming accent. Oh, apparently my friends think I’m smart, but after this, you might not think so. Since I don’t know you, it doesn’t really matter. 🙂 What do I want (because this is my ad and this is all about me me me), well I want to meet a few easy going attractive women, who love dancing, shopping, visiting museums, attending concerts and plays etc. If you are Asian and willing to give me a lap dance, that would be a bonus. If you are too cheap to become a paying member, I’ve placed my contact details in the contact information. Now if this doesn’t work, I’m going to date men … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-honest-personal-ad-say/127491.md?page=8)