# What would your Witness Protection name be? and why? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863 "2013-01-02T19:24:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/1 "2013-01-02T19:24:12Z")
Assume, for some reason, that you have to go into the Witness Protection program. Say you saw the head honcho of the World’s Largest Platypus Importing Ring unload his latest puddle of platypuses and they are out to get you. 🙂 Or for another reason. It really doesn’t matter. Let’s also say that the WitSec people let you choose your new name, as long as it doesn’t relate to your old name in any way. What name would you choose, and why? And, for extra credit, describe how a determined Purloined Platypus Procurer might guess some rejected names based on knowing something about you. J. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/2 "2013-01-02T19:33:46Z")
Tragedy Webster – wait, that’s my pr0n name. How 'bout Oreo Temple? (an alternative selection using the same categories) I sort of like the idea of a place of worshipping a cookie. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/3 "2013-01-02T19:41:21Z")
John Smith. You get lost in the crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/4 "2013-01-02T19:43:00Z")
Max Power. I got it from my hair dryer. (Homer Simpson) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/5 "2013-01-02T19:49:49Z")
Gern Blanston. And why not? ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/6 "2013-01-02T19:52:50Z")
Something easy to spell. Oh the heaven of going somewhere and not spending 5 mins spelling and respelling my name. _dreams_ ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/7 "2013-01-02T20:03:00Z")
Pierre Lingerie, so that I could adopt that unearned French air of superiority. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/8 "2013-01-02T20:16:57Z")
Probably some name really common for women my age, and an equally mundane last name. So maybe Jennifer or Melissa, Brown or Anderson. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/9 "2013-01-02T20:25:27Z")
Debra Johnson I had a friend named that. When she checked her credit report it was a combination of her and 4 other Debra Johnsons. All of them married to a James Johnson. All of them in the same city. It was a nightmare to straighten the mess out but you can’t get more anonymous. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/10 "2013-01-02T20:41:14Z")
Jack Flagstaff. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/11 "2013-01-02T20:43:40Z")
My porn name is Rocky Montego, and I’ve always felt that it was a kind of badass name. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/12 "2013-01-02T20:50:14Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > Something easy to spell. Oh the heaven of going somewhere and not spending 5 mins spelling and respelling my name. _dreams_ Good point! Rex Chan it is. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/13 "2013-01-02T22:12:35Z")
…you think I’m going to tell you that? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/14 "2013-01-02T22:18:42Z")
Nothoo Uthin Kyam. Obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/15 "2013-01-02T22:37:08Z")
Obviously William Shatner, no one will ever figure it out **Capt** ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/16 "2013-01-02T22:57:13Z")
Thomas Kennison (middle name, bio last name) ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/17 "2013-01-02T23:13:50Z")
Waldo Sigridsdotter. Confuse them with mixed genders. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/18 "2013-01-02T23:15:18Z")
Guy Incognito? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/19 "2013-01-02T23:22:29Z")
My name is Inigo Montoya. Prepare to die. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/20 "2013-01-02T23:41:33Z")
I’d choose the name of one of my great-grandmothers on the maternal side. Easy to remember, fairly common name, and the surname would be different, since I of course carry my father’s surname. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863.md?page=2)